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May 3, 2022

All Up In: Music, Misogyny & Being a Woman in a Male-Dominated Industry

All Up In: Music, Misogyny & Being a Woman in a Male-Dominated Industry

“What would you say to a young Mary Nisi?”  Last weekend, Mary went to a DJ conference and was asked what advice she’d give to women DJs in the wedding industry. Turns out she’s got a lot to say about it!

In this episode, Mary shares advice she’d give her younger self, including how to handle misogyny at weddings, why music isn’t the most important part of DJing an event, and who the best DJs really are (hint: it’s not the white dudes). Plus a whole-ass moment about crying your eyes out and snorkeling with sharks in Turks & Caicos.

If you’re a woman working in any male-dominated industry, this episode is for you. Tune in and smash that subscribe button, then come hang with us on Instagram & Twitter

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Music. Welcome to all up in my lady business I am your host Mary nisi on this podcast all explore the fine line between having it together I'm losing your shit here I share my journey as an entrepreneur a mom a wife a DJ and randomly a beekeeper I have no shame and no filter except the ones I use on Instagram my stories of resilience a little structure and a lot of resource Wellness can show you how to take those same things and live your life with your hole. Music. Welcome to today's episode of all the My Lady business it's been a couple weeks since I last wrapped at you from a singular solo position had a couple interviews we had Mel mcsherry in there. A nanny P Ruggles. Two women who have really helped me in my business and he got me into thinking that on a future episode I want to talk about my team and all the people that have helped me out but that's, in the future today's episode we're going to talk about I was at a DJ conference this week and wow it really, gets you thinking about the things women and men do and how to do it differently and what it's like to be a woman in the DJ industry. Prior to the conference I've been on a tear quitting things that we talked about being mindful of time and things like that and I am realizing that I overcome it. I take on too many things and so I had to step away from my son's schools sport for fundraising and I was in a mastermind I kind of walked away from and last night I had two moms over from Sebastian School and we they're having a little craft fair for Mother's Day and the lady Miss Karina who's running it she's like can you guys make like things for the craft fair that are like better than a dollar store but we can charge a quarter for and I'm like. Roi man. It's me different difficult to to reach that but we made a bunch of stuff so hopefully if itty-bitty Gerda moms are listening you might be getting some stuff that I made last night with Amanda Johanna shoutouts anyway let's get into it what a week. Music. Okay so I went to this DJ conference in Milwaukee it was this past weekend. Nora was supposed to come with me but she was unable to come because of covid just ruining everything and so it was just me and, you know it's like it's interesting it's like I'm okay with going anywhere by myself like I'm a confident person I can walk in any place I can make anything work but like I don't know there's just something kind of intimidating and weird about going to like. A place that's mostly men in an industry that you dominate but I did it I got there and on Sunday night there was like an opening party and it was like I walk into it I'm by myself and you know I'm like I'm not I don't drink anymore so it's like I don't have like that thing that can either call me down or also like help you relate to other people it's just kind of gone so I'm like. I walk in and I was sort of running into a bunch of dudes that I had met at the DJ Collective the conference I went to last November. And that was good they all remembered me and we had a it was fun to see them and there were DJ's that were spending these little 15-minute sets and they were all pretty good. It's just one of these things where I'm like I would never have the guts to do that because I'm sure everybody in there was criticizing I mean I know I was I had my own little mental like that was a bad transition wouldn't chosen that song but that I also wouldn't have the guts to get on that stage and DJ in front of a bunch of DJs and I was saying that other people and like I wouldn't do this in a million years and all the guys were like I'd love to do this. It's like it's interesting how. Either they aren't being as critical as I am or they all think they can do it better and it's such a different attitude towards it than I that I would have because I'd be so like nervous about other people kind of judging my. My skills my choices what have you but anyway like when I get into like networking situations I kind of. I just cannot walk up to people I'm like hey I'm bad at networking which is ironically good at networking you kind of go up and start talking to people that you're supposed to do I just make it kind of weird and I started talking to this group of younger people and it was DJ company out of Ohio where they had and he had brought a bunch of his DJs with them there was something you like five or six of his DJ's came with them and two of them are women and they were awesome we were just kind of talking and so I'm kind of giving my back story they're giving me there as and and I've you know been doing this for 16 years so the one of the women was like what advice would you give to a woman in this industry like what would you what's the advice you would give, and I had to cut a thing for a second because I'm like what would I say to a young married nisi. What should I or could I be doing for either this woman or my DJ's that work for me to make them feel more confident in their space and. You know it's like women are. Like at least in this industry I mean I know I've been puts I feel like I've felt it every where but you know in many ways a woman entering this industry they're getting under my before they even get to their DJ table so the advice that I gave her. Was when you walk into an event you have to establish your dominance immediately you can't walk in and be like oh is this my table or where do I go it's like hello I am DJ so and so I'm from this company I'm here to do this event where's the Loden. People can smell fear. And you're already being second-guessed for doing this when you walk in the door so you know you need to kind of establish your dominance and what was funny it was that the two guys were like interesting that's really what that's your that's your advice and I think it's because they're a dominance is assumed when they walk in the door and. They don't have to have anybody kind of give you them the side eye or asking them questions that make them feel like they don't belong there so when he said that to me I looked at one of the women and I was like let me ask you this. Has anybody ever asked you if you're setting up for the real DJ the real DJ and they both said he yep and the two guys were like what. And it's like yeah yeah do your need me to tell me that you don't have people just telling you to your face they don't think you're going to be able to do this job because I've never seen anyone doing it that looks like that before. Like. That's the kind of stuff that happens to us all the time yeah a tiny woman was sent to set up the gear for a giant man that's exactly how this went down there I have also been told you know I've never seen a woman doing this job before and I know they're saying it from a place of like. You go girl or like just general genuine curiosity but it makes me feel like is oh no, this person that didn't pay me the didn't hire me has never seen a woman doing this job before so they're already they don't think I can do this or they felt like that's weird. And so therefore I now have one more person who I have to convince that I deserve to be here even though that's not true it's there it's. It's in the back of my head we have to be perfect when we go in there we have to absolutely do everything as perfectly as we possibly can because if we don't there are people watching. Waiting for us to kind of screw up so they can either like what if I had kind of wobble when I'm putting my speaker up on a pole it's like ten dudes will appear from out of nowhere. To help me and it's like again I know you're probably thinking like she should just be happy that someone's helping her and it's like I didn't want the help. I wobbled for a second I'm not allowed to wobble a little bit I'm not supposed to I'm not allowed to not execute this perfectly or he'll come up to me later on be like yeah I saw you wobbling with that but speaker I was going to come and help you but then you somehow managed to get it to go with the last minute and it's like I somehow managed to get it to go with the last minute because I do this every fucking week in my life and I know how to put a speaker on a pole. It's just it doesn't make me feel good it makes me feel like I'm being watched judged and that I don't belong there and I'm taking a job away from a man who could be doing this. As well but probably better than what I'm what I'm presently doing. I set up basically all of this to these two guys in these two women and the two women were like yes all of these things have happened to me and the dudes were like I had no idea. Music. At this conference there were like 150 people that want to say and of those hundred and fifty people I think there were five women there. And there actually were quite a few women who were speaking but it was more men than women who were speaking and the women that were speaking of the good amount that were speaking only one of them was actually a DJ I think the rest were like planners or other people that work in the wedding industry like not DJs and you know I you go to these things really mostly for the. For the networking meeting people and kind of getting my hooks more in the industry not necessarily for what I learned at them but what I think is interesting is that. A lot of the stuff that gets said at these it's a lot of us motivational some of its educational a lot of the educational is all stuff that I already know to the point where I'm like wow and kind of can't believe this is what they're talking about. And it's not that I don't learn anything from them cuz they're definitely like tips and stuff I learned but for the most part. I'm like oh like I would never think to speak on this topic because it's so obvious that like it just wouldn't occur to me, and it's not that I'm so much better than them or like I'm so much smarter it's just that like women multitask we have to like think about everything so much it all just seems so natural to me it's almost like men go to these things to learn how to be like women you know how to multitask a woman think about the details like a woman I mean there was one guy who was talking about you got to set your goals and you got to you know don't let anything get between you and your goals and you know like you might have a set back here and there but like always stick to your goals. And I was thinking to myself as he said this like yeah I've got lots of goals but sometimes my son gets sick or sometimes my husband gets sick and I have, deal with everything cuz he's sick or whatever and it's like I don't get to only think about my goals my goals in my life have to co-exist together and I didn't feel like I was getting that from a lot of the motivational talk that I was hearing because you know it's like. Men do everything differently than women it's just like kind of part of the deal and they set goals different because they don't have the same setbacks as women do or the same responsibilities and they have a support system. And women are that support system and so like there was one guy who was like talking about how you know oh you know we were like going off to work and your wife's met you're getting ready to leave for a gig in your eyes mad at you because you're going to work. And I was like there's no way his wife is mad at him because he's going to work like that's she's mad about something else and it happens to coincide with him going to work and it could possibly be oh I've got to work tonight and it's a Saturday and I'm going to be out late so I'm just going to like lay around and play video games and not do any of the family stuff because I need to rest before I go to work and it's like that's not I mean I don't get to do that I'm a mom up until the moment I leaved like I'm taking Sebastian places and do and it's not that my husband's not doing anything my husband would never he I mean I got a pretty good one but I'm just saying I would never take a Saturday afternoon the day because I'm working that night. On Saturdays it's just a work day you know it's like the women in their lives if they are in a heterosexual relationship. So now flip all of everything I just said about the heteronormative Dennis you know the invisible gay people, everything you think about what it's like for us in the industry the wedding DJs have always had a bad rap they're like failed performers it's a prior to like my company existing or me doing this job I always kind of thought of DJ's is sort of like sweaty pathetic mustachioed Bill fitting suits demanding people to get on the dance floor and it's just the time in between when in a play old time rock and roll and then the Hokey Pokey to like appeal to the kids and that's what I'd always thought of a wedding DJ up until I did it it's like they're failed performers it's like I need to be in the I need to be in a stage in front of other people making them happy and like this is like has like the lowest barrier to entry and it's like, you know it's like what in DJ used to be and what some still are quite frankly like what I started doing weddings all my friends were beginning to get married and of course I was going to want good music at my wedding my friends wanted to have good wedding music at their weddings and when I started doing them why did the first couple just on my own sort of making it up as I went along and then I worked for a company where I got some guidance but for the most part we were left alone because we were independent contractors and so I kind of invented the whole way of doing things. And I started applying just my customer service skills to the job. And a couple of different speeches that I saw they were talking about how the programming the music that is played at these weddings is the most important thing like forget the cake cutting forget the introductions the programming the music is the most important thing. And I couldn't disagree more I mean I think that the music is obviously important but. There's so much more that goes into the night you know the timeline where the ceremony is going to be where the cocktail hour is going to be, you know in all of that stuff adds you'll kind of feeds into the dance set so it's like you know if. We're talking through the timeline with the client and they're like oh the ceremonies in this room the cocktail hours in this room the dinners in this room you have to kind of think about okay how am I going to get. All of this gear around or how am I going to move from this point to this point and if I don't think that stuff through if I just sort of leave that up to the wedding planning Gods when I walk in the door is the DJ and I assume like yeah I'll get through the introductions and stuff but like you know. It doesn't really matter because I really the dance it's only thing that matters like that can throw the entire night off and so your ability to provide a good dance set is now been hampered by the fact that leg, dinner went really long because you didn't realize that you had to have a separate set up for it. And you didn't think it through and you didn't bring enough gear you brought too much gear now you've got gear all over the place you didn't have an assistant there's all these things that can kind of muck up the get up monk up the gears but for me so much of what I want to do is just give people a good experience I can't let. A detail go unthought through my would say like maybe forty percent of our events have a planner. And so that means sixty percent of the time they don't and so I had to do all the things that the planner wasn't doing because I had to keep the night going along the photographer's not going to do that the Caterers only caring about the food like I would have to be there to kind of keep the night going to like. You know and these were the things that made the whole night go well. And you know as a woman I have a unique view of things especially weddings I mean whether I want to admit it or not little girls have been. Forced to see their would think about their weddings from a very early time in their lives and so seeing the tiny details and things need to be done it gives us a unique perspective on things and it shapes the way that toast and jam was built there's a lot of like invisible or unaware or quote unquote unimportant labor labor that makes the things happen that is historically a woman's experience which makes us uniquely qualified women to do this job, like there is you know like, I was talking through some people through there through their how they charge for things in the things that they do and I go all the ceremonies on site I charge an extra $500 for that and I'm like for what. Because I can and I'm a is it literally just you playing the music during the ceremony ceremony is usually in a separate area are you bringing like a. Like why $500 and I like oh I bring a whole separate set up. And I'm like so who's breaking that down I have assistance okay so you bring all this extra gear you don't because it's because way I have it set up as I have like. This Lean Like satellite set up so we can like very easily move the gear from point A to point B it's all included in the price. And yeah I could charge probably more for that but it's like the thing that like you know it's a one last thing the client's be nickeled and dimed over and it also like. Makes everything run more efficiently because I don't have to I can set up it doesn't take me an additional half-hour to set up for Ceremony come setting up an entirely separate set up so yeah so like bringing in too much gear or. Not thinking through when the cake cutting is going to be I'm kind of a psycho about the cake cutting I want the cake cutting to be done at the top of dinner. Because they have to cut and play it like 150 pieces of cake and I want all food related activity to be completed before we start dancing I hate it when I'm dancing and then they bring out the cake and everyone other leaves the Dance Floor. To go eat cake or they don't eat the cake and then the clients left with like $900 worth of onion cake you know like these are the kinds of things that can throw off a whole wedding and you know like for instance there is a catering company that's going to go without I'm not going to say their name but I don't think I have ever done a wedding with them that hasn't gotten at least an hour off schedule. And the thing is is that if they're an hour off schedule and if anything else got off scheduled and all of a sudden are three hour long dance set becomes an hour and a half is a two-and-a-half-hour line dance that can become a two-hour long dance that can become. You know an hour and 45 minutes and so the less dancing you have the more area we have to do the thing that the client thinks is the thing that we're doing they think the only thing we're doing is the dance set. Well not really they usually know that we're doing more than that but like. I'm not giving at least two hours for dancing it's like kind of a bummer you want at least two hours and so it's like when I I know that when we're talking through timelines I don't I want to kind of. Pad out the clients even though they want to think they're going to be eating in an hour and a half we will be to it will be a 2 two to two and a half hour long maybe even three hour long dance eating because of the way that this caterer he tends to structure things so understand the timelines is very important and understanding how they can go it's all the a little extraneous details. That are the big deal it's all the for what for a wedding it's all the extraneous details they all add up to the whole night and they can ruin a wedding if you're not necessarily thinking all of those things into consideration. Music. So establishing dominance right when you walk in the door you're the one that everyone has to listen to you if there is a planner like you're working together. And you're not working for the planner you working for the client even though there's a lot of planners that might think that they are working for them but you know it's like we get there and then it's like. We're trying to just get everything we're trying to get our gear separate the ceremonies at making sure we're set up for cocktail hour and all this stuff it in the middle of all of this being a boss and running the show you get these like you know never seen a woman doing this are you setting that are you studying for the DJ are you can you lift that and it's like in the fact that you're standing out not because you're a great DJ just because you're a woman DJ and the implication or even is flat-out said to me, I've had this said to me several times you better be good or like you know I've never seen a girl doing this before so you know and you and I we get hit on all the time. Like old men making kind of like shitty comments there was this one guy. This is years ago maybe even already talked about this because this guy haunts my dreams and apparently my waking and time too but it was a set a dance set it was raging there were like probably 100 people. On the Dance Floor packed in dancing their asses off and this old man came up and stood in front of me with his thumbs down making the shitty face like me. Like just standing there with his thumb down and it's like in what world does anyone get feedback like that. Like in what Universe have you ever had someone just come up to you while you're actively slaying, and had just some old dude come up and put his thumb down and sit and just look you dead in the eye like make no mistake you're the one I think is doing the thumbs-down job and. It sucks that that's the part that sticks in my head not the hundred people behind him that were dancing and freaking out it's that guy. And it's so hard to shake those comments it's so hard to shake the feeling of being less than or being watched and you know the there people in that room that don't trust that I can do my job and do it well. Simply based on the fact that I'm a woman so for that piece of advice I've given that younger me to that woman this past week was to establish your dominance and don't show Fear like I have more women working for me than men and we have this amazing reputation and you know I think the reason what we do have a great rescission is because we are women and we are doing this job we're doing it while because we are multitasking we are thinking of everything like when the conditions are less than awesome at a wedding if you know the bus is bringing everybody from the ceremony is running late or if they're running out of salad or if you know the electricity goes out all of these things that could derail the wedding. You know for us it's like whatever it's like the stuff would even think about it's like okay yeah the power went out but it came back on and I played Dancing in the Dark and everyone loved it and we moved on from there and that's not even that's not even like the biggest story of the night. You know that might be somebody else's you know the only thing they can think of it's like, you know the stuff I learn at conferences mostly from men is stuff that I've been instinctively doing since I started doing this job which I think makes women better suited to do this job in men you know it was fun overall I had a great time but it's just really hard for me to kind of like not think about how different it is for me versus the other 97 percent of the room. I mean I know I'm rip it on dudes and any of my dudes are listening to this like it's not about you it's about the other ones and they're really there was no one there actively doing anything shitty I mean I don't think there was nobody that it just got me thinking about. The way that women have typically been treated and when I'm in a room with you know there's only five women and there's. 150 minutes kind of hard to not feel like The Outsider like the like you're not really necessarily part of the team and so. It just got me thinking about those things but I will say overall I had a wonderful time I got to meet some DJs in real life that I just know from the internet like Mike Walter who is he owns Elite entertainment New Jersey and he truly is a delight like that guy he's just a genuinely good guy he's got a wonder he got up he has a podcast called the pH DJ podcast that I was actually featured on to talk about D EI which a lot of guys at this conference actually mentioned to me that they heard me on and like have thought hard about how they deal with. You know inclusiveness other weddings and all right there and like on their in their marketing and some of that change some of their stuff which I thought was kind of cool I got to see DJ digital Dave he's the deejay for the Pittsburgh Steelers and he does a lot of events in Pittsburgh and he is such a great guy and like he did this really amazing seminar on programming and he talked about how to like surprise and delight and sneak like you know. Like hot nugs into your dance set and that was fun and then he DJ'd. And literally we all stood there if it was so funny it was like you know when you go to a show and you try to like get in the front row like a bunch of us were jockeying to be directly in front of his turntables because we just wanted to see what he was doing to try to figure out how he was doing it because he was it was incredible and I had my phone open and I was just jamming I was trying to Shazam the whole set in order like even if I knew a song I was just saying it so I could like. Keep it in the same order that he was doing and it was like when I went back to look at the Shazam list I wasn't able to get everything just because he was going so fast it was hard to catch it but I was like. I don't even know if half the songs are real but it's because I thought he was playing them so quickly don't think this is an was able to get it.

But we all stood there watching him DJ it was super fun and then that night I actually stayed up until 1:

30 in the morning just yammerin talk. Music. Yeah so I think the last time I had a live episode I was about to go on vacation and we had gone to Turks and Caicos and. It is a beautiful island I'm not going to lie I mean it's one of those places that you always kind of hear about is like a place for like. Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds were in Turks and Caicos always and they when we were there we like went on a boat trip and we like they're like that's the house the Kardashians rent when they come in town and apparently Drake owns a house on there and he like hangs out with everybody and they were like pointing out like bars and restaurants he hangs out at and I was like maybe we should go there as if like. What would I do if I saw Drake what I meet him what I go up and talk to him who knows maybe he would call me on his cell phone, look me and Drake became friends but anyway so we I had a travel credit and that was like part of the reason why we chose this place to go to because it was like the closest for this place I could do a direct flight to. And we had this credit we had to use from a treble we had to cancel a trip in our trip insurance just give us money so we had this chunk of money we had to use for this trip and it was going to expire so we chose to go there and. First of all United Miss tagged our bags and my bag made it luckily but John's and Sebastian's didn't make it and when we were at the airport like one of our bags is too heavy and we're looking moving a bunch of stuff around and my anxiety medication had made it into John's bag as did John's so John neither of us had the medication that in my case keeps me from becoming a weeping mess and John's which turns that keeps him from turning into a raging asshole and so I was like okay I can go one day without my medication but then United completely bungled getting our bags back to us and we didn't get them until Tuesday and I think the only reason why they actually made it to us as my sister had said why don't you tweet at them because that might get them to like. Get it to you faster and I like sent this like pithy tweet like there's no way this is gonna work but I sent this tweet where I'm like United Miss tagged our bags and it's taking them days to get my bags to us and by the time I'm done with United going to name a policy after me. But it right as rain popped up let's move this to DM they had all of a sudden they had like file numbers for me what time the flights were going to get in. And it just sucks that that's what it took because I don't think everybody understands or maybe they do maybe I'm just the last to know that you're supposed to tweet at companies when they when they mess up but. When we landed the weather was gorgeous it was so hot it was so beautiful and like the sun the sky was clear as. That wasn't a driven snow but. It's not very clear it's as clear as a diamond on a Kardashian's finger it's going to keep them bringing them up. It started raining. The day after we got there and it rained the entire trip so I will say that the first three days with the crying I'm here's the thing is it my anxiety medication makes it so that I can't cry, like I've it's like physically impossible for me to cry I'll be like I am really sad right now and not being able to cry is not the worst thing for me but when I didn't have the medication I literally cried for three days, could not stop crying just a weeping crying mess and I got to the point where I was gonna divorce John I was going to sell toast an Jam to the lowest bidder I was like when I divorced John John can have Sebastian I'm going to live on an ashram like I literally went into like horrible places so learned a valuable lesson about my anxiety medication is that I can't go off of it. Which is both. Terrifying and good to know at this point but once I got the medication in the boys got their clothes and stuff it was fine and I was able to have a good time even though it was raining and there were it wasn't it was that a kind of tropical rain where it like rains for a little bit every day but it was really it was gray the whole time like I really haven't seen the sunshine in a really long time but we went snorkeling Sebastian was obsessed with going snorkeling and we had a snorkeling. Excursion set up it had rained that morning but they're like it's okay the waters a little choppy but you can still see stuff so we get on the boat and Sebastian's like being really like. It is being really sees being serious about shin which means he's like thinking things through he's kind of nervous we get to the spot where we're going to snorkel we get the gear on his face it we have been practicing for days in the pool on how to use a snorkel equipment like we were. It was very exciting but then we go to get in the boat get in the water and he lost his full mind like he was like no I can't do this I can't do this so we put them back up on the boat and John and I are like are going to snork so like we leave Sebastian on the boat and you know there's people on the boat it's now he was up there by himself and we're snorkeling and then John got off the boat I snuggled for a little bit and then we went to switch so I'm sitting there with Sebastian and I'm like honey like what are you so worried about like everyone's out there that in the struggling was great I saw parrot fish I saw humuhumunukunukuapua'a. The Hawaiian National fish I saw you know like some. Tang's and some weird needlefish and it was like really cool so then I go back up on the boat and I'm like honey what is wrong with what are you afraid of video with Mom. I'm not going to lie to you it's sharks and I'm like oh honey there's no sharks in the water if there were sharks in the water they wouldn't let us come out there like right I say to the captain of the boat and he's like yes there are no sharks in that water wasn't really giving the most convincing of performances but I feel like he's probably heard this so many times that he you know doesn't think much about it and I'm like well honey I know you're afraid of sharks I'm not daddy's back up here so I'm going to go get in the water so I go get in the water now at this point there the group of people had moved to the other side of the boat so I'm on the side of the boat by myself and I'm just Snortin you know I'm just, you know floating there and looking at things and I see oh look there's another humu humu oh look there's other parrotfish I look over and there is a fucking shark on the bottom of the water like five six feet long a giant, fucking shark is just on the bottom of the water and I freaked out and I'm start I'm starts I'm start swimming back as fast as I can and I'm going over in my head like what the like I know I watched a show on sharks and what they said was you supposed to do when you see one I used to swim in a zigzag pattern he's supposed to I'm like going over my head like we try to remember the survival skill you're supposed to have if you see a shark that's right thinking holy shit I just told Sebastian there's no sharks in here and I'm gonna die from a shark bite and when I die from that SharkBite Sebastian's gonna know he's gonna think to himself oh my God I knew there were sharks in that water and he's gonna be like processing this in therapy for the rest of his life and I was like pantai so I'm like my snorkel was a little bit too big for my mouth. And as I'm like. And because I was probably at this point 50 feet from the boat so I'm like trying to swim back as quickly as I can and I'm inhaling all this salt water as I'm like trying to get back to the boat, so I get back to the boat I start to try to climb out of the boat but I've got the flippers on so I can't get my as I'm and I was kind of stuck trying to get my feet up the, ladder and all I'm thinking to myself is a shark is going to bite my leg off and Sebastian knew this was going to happen. But it doesn't happen I sit on the side of the boat and I'm like on the side of the boat and like heaving I look like I really I couldn't hold it together and John comes over to me he's like are you okay and when, just saw a Shark could come Whispering at him and he was really where because he wants to see the shark and I'm like John 02 dude why do I tell people do ice cream shark because I don't want people to get alarmed but like I don't know what to do and then all of a sudden two other people came up on the boat like hey guys guess what we saw a shark and I look over at Sebastian and Sebastian's like huh and I'm like it's true Sebastian I saw a Shark you were right there were sharks in this water. And he goes what kind of shark was it and I'm like I don't know and one of people go so it's a nurse shark it's a passion goes oh those are safe sharks they won't attack you and I'm like. Fucking if you were in the fucking water with me then I would have known that but instead I just took 4 years off my life trying to get back to this water as fast as it possibly can so I'm still alive I still have my legs but yeah why not want why not want sharks thanks for listening to all up in my lady business it is written by me Mary nisi. It is produced by Christina sorum Williams and Amelia Rudy with softer sounds, it is recorded at the toast and jam offices in Logan Square in Chicago, you can find resources and links from this episode in the show notes at all up in my lady if you enjoyed this episode and you did Smash that subscribe button and if you're the kind of person that reviews things on the internet please rate and review us wherever you listen to us it really does help people find us, follow us on all of your socials and don't forget whatever you do this week do it with your whole ass thanks for listening. Music.