April 6, 2026

The Business of Friendship with Melissa Riddle

The Business of Friendship with Melissa Riddle
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Season 5

In this week’s ep, Mary and Melissa tackle the ultimate high-stakes question: can you mix friendship and business without controversy? They get into the real-life dynamics of planning events and DJing for friends, where discussing discounts and managing expectations can get interesting fast. Along the way, they chat about reading the room (literally and culturally), why experience is the unsung hero of a smooth event, and how the right (or very wrong) song choice can change everything.

Have a question or thought for Mary? Leave us a voicemail for your chance to be featured on the show: https://www.allupinmyladybusiness.com/voicemail/

Don’t forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode, then come hang with us on Instagram (instagram.com/allupinmyladybusiness) & Threads (threads.com/@allupinmyladybusiness)!

Learn more about A Mary Nisi Production: www.amarynisiproduction.com

Find your next DJ at Toast & Jam: toastandjamdjs.com

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WEBVTT

00:00:15.519 --> 00:00:17.199
My business is your business.

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It's all up in my lady business with me.

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Very niece.

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Welcome to All Up in My Lady Business today.

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I am here with Melissa, and we are going to be talking about mixing business and friendship and uh the slings and arrows of that outrageous fortune.

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And uh talking about how to uh how to treat your DJ with uh dignity and respect and uh trying to understand a little bit how we feel on the other side of the DJ booth.

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Stay tuned.

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It's gonna be a wild ride.

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Hey Melissa.

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What's up, friend?

00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:04.000
It's been a minute.

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It's been too long.

00:01:05.359 --> 00:01:05.599
Yeah.

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Literally.

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I was thinking that today we could talk about like my trip or something and what's going on in the world.

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And I don't know.

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Yeah, I mean, we could definitely talk about your trip.

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Do you have any do you have anything we'd want to you want to get on we could talk about?

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Um, no, not in particular.

00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:26.000
I could talk about how much hot glue my daughter has just accumulated piles of on this table.

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Hot glue?

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Yeah, she was she was trying to make these stacks of gems and she was just gluing stacks of gems together.

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What kind of gems are they?

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Just like like this kind of gem.

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You know, just like a little bit of Oh, the ones that are truly outrageous.

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Gem!

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Gem is lovely.

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Hopefully the dog doesn't see the postperson.

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Um, but she'll probably hear him though.

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I I what I I don't I will have to say though, I am impressed by how r at le on time your postperson is.

00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:08.479
Every time we have the podcast, the postperson has to come and make the dog go completely ape shit.

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That is true.

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The post person always marks twice.

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The postperson always he's cool.

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He's cool as hell too, though.

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I love him.

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He's super buff and like nice as hell.

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But he he doesn't use a sidewalk, he walks across the yard, and that makes me a little like I know.

00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:26.960
It's like I have a following the rules.

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I have a perfect blanket of snow in my front yard, and then all of a sudden I've got these, you know, that was a very first world problem.

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But anyway, just aggravate.

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It's just like use the sidewalk, man.

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Gets it's also like uh it's also a little bit of like breaking the social contract.

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Like, you know, like we have the we made the paths.

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We're we're made we made this non-porous concrete thing that's bad for the environment.

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At least use it so that there's purpose behind the bad thing that we did.

00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:52.879
Mm-hmm.

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Mm-hmm.

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Yeah.

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Um anyway, uh, but he is he is adorable and I love him and whatever.

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Um, he's a good male male man.

00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:03.759
Uh so yeah, you had a lot of stuff going on this week.

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I mean, let's just unpack it all.

00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:07.599
Did we do a recap of the last hot flash dance?

00:03:07.759 --> 00:03:08.960
I don't think we did that either.

00:03:09.199 --> 00:03:09.520
Okay.

00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:15.520
Um and I don't know if you want to get into uh the problem of working for friends or if that, you know, if you're friends.

00:03:15.919 --> 00:03:23.520
Oh I do think that that um having friends hire you to do things or you work with friends to do things because I always want to work with friends.

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Like it's, you know, it is uh it is where you want to be like, hey, yeah, like you're a small business, I'm a small business, or you're, you know, a hustler out there in the world and you want to work with those people.

00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:40.240
But I mean, it's kind of like I don't really like doing friends' weddings, like even like as the company.

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Like if I if a friend asks me to DJ something, I'll push it off on another DJ.

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A because I don't want to have to deal with the and it's not even it's more me than them because I'm the one who's making the the boundaries, you know, and if I'm gonna make the bo the boundary porous, that's kind of like they've never done this before.

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I have.

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I know what the pitfalls are, they don't.

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Yeah, but basically it just it's like it's like the get curious of it all.

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It's like before we do this, why are you hiring me?

00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:12.159
Yeah.

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Like, you know, because it's like if you're hiring me for my expertise and being, you know, the queen of the dance floor and being able to like program and be dynamic and read rooms, and you want to just basically outsource this to me, I'm your gal.

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But if you're hiring me because you think that you'll be able to, it'll be easier to manipulate me into doing what you want.

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And I don't think they will see it that way.

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So they wouldn't, they wouldn't see it as like manipulating, you know, sure.

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I don't think they see it as manipulative.

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I think they sort of see it as like, oh, maybe I'll hire I'll hire Mary because I can be more collaborative with her, or she'll play the stuff I she'll play stuff that other DJs wouldn't play, which is actually true.

00:04:56.639 --> 00:05:10.000
Um but I I I think on a on a similar note to what you just said, it's like, am I hiring Mary because she owns the best DJ company in Chicago, or am I hiring Mary because my friend owns a DJ company, I need a DJ?

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And I don't, I don't really care what they have to offer.

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The uh the worst thing is maybe she'll give me a discount.

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It always kind of bums me out when my friends ask for discounts because it's like you're literally taking money out of my pocket.

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Like, and you were gonna pay full price with somebody else and you were gonna gladly pay that other company full price.

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But, you know, if I give you a discount, like it's like there's no it's a it's a discount for no reason because I'm not gonna do less than I would do for other people.

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In fact, I'll probably do more than I would do for other people.

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So maybe you should think about it that perspective is that I'm gonna pay Mary full price because she is gonna do a great job.

00:05:47.519 --> 00:05:49.120
And I'll I mean she'd probably do a little bit more for me.

00:05:49.199 --> 00:05:51.680
Like maybe she'll, you know, care more or whatever.

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And that's not true.

00:05:52.720 --> 00:05:57.439
I mean, I I I would probably I don't even know what more I could do really for a client that I wouldn't do.

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I mean, actually, things I would do for a for a friend would be like, I don't, I I will never line up a wedding party for the ceremony.

00:06:04.879 --> 00:06:08.079
Like I I make it very clear like ceremony is someone else.

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Like I want nothing to do with order of people walking in, lining them up, telling you how to do it.

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Like I don't want anything to do with ceremony.

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And I would probably, I would probably advise on ceremony if they didn't have a planner.

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That would be probably the thing I would go above and beyond on because if I fuck it up, they're probably gonna be way more nice to me about it.

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But I would make it very clear, I'm doing this thing I never do.

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And I think that that's also something, if you're doing something more, you should make it clear that you're doing it more.

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But that said, it's like, you know, when I do give discounts and it's never like I I mean, you know, like I I mean, I I try to never give discounts if I don't have to.

00:06:49.600 --> 00:06:49.759
Yeah.

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I really like our sort of policy that we've kind of landed on, which is that like we we just don't discount people, you know.

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It's like I can I can justify throwing in, you know, uh some some uplights or some you know tubes or a discount on the post on the photo booth.

00:07:07.040 --> 00:07:10.639
Yeah, something like that, once I already have, you know, somebody assigned.

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But like there's a reason that we call it talent.

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And and you know, like we had somebody this week ask about um, you know, well, for you know, this is for a high school fundraiser.

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And it's like, so you were gonna have to pay for this in some way.

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Yeah.

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Also, like, is it in my community?

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Well, then hire us.

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Yeah.

00:07:32.160 --> 00:07:34.240
And it's yeah, I mean, do you want it to go well?

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Are you looking for what we have to give?

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Because, you know, you can't go to the caterer and say, this is a high school fundraiser.

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Don't charge us for the food.

00:07:42.000 --> 00:07:42.240
Yeah.

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You know, like why is it so much easier to wrap their head around a tangible object than it is the actual blood, sweat, and tears of the human who's actually doing it?

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Yeah.

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And and the yeah, the experience that they have, the ability to anticipate issues and make sure that those issues don't make everybody have a shitty time, which results in them not giving you any money.

00:08:03.360 --> 00:08:04.959
So, like, let's think about it.

00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:11.759
And it's also the difference really between like a person at the beginning of their career and a person who's 20 years in.

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When I was early on in my career, I did shit for free all the time.

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All the time.

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And I did a and I did it gladly because for the most part, almost everything I did for free, like came back to me in some way.

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Like, you know, and I I one of my knacks, and this is kind of the same thing true with hot flash dance, is I liked putting DJs where there weren't DJs before.

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Like that was, and I feel like that was kind of one of my things when I when I got my equipment, I'm like, I got all this equipment, where can I do it?

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And I'm like, my friend has a their work is having a you know, an event.

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I'd be like, Can I DJ that?

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I DJ'd at a Sephora.

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That's like a whole thing now.

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Yeah, but I I was like, hey, I was at a Sephora and I was like, hey, can I come in and DJ on the weekends?

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Like when I'm not working, and they were like, okay.

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And so we so we I DJ'd at like, well, toast and jam DJs.

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It was me and other DJs who were cycling through, but we DJed at the old, and it was at and it was at the um, it's one of these things where I'm like, be careful what you what you offer because it was at um Watertower.

00:09:10.159 --> 00:09:11.919
It was a Sephora at Watertower.

00:09:12.320 --> 00:09:12.799
Gosh.

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Which is like a bitch to get to, horrifying to load into.

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You know, it was, but whatever.

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It was a lesson learned.

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You did.

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You gained experience from that that informed future choices that probably gave you like, you know, sanity and perspective and what to say no to so you could be ready for the next thing to say yes to.

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Yeah.

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I mean, it's like when I'm a DJ, when I'm on the DJ forums that I'm on, the endless cycle of where I really see politically the worst people in the world.

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But uh there'll be people who are like, I got this offer for like a bar, you know, to DJ at a, you know, my friend's barbecue and they're only paying me$150, uh, woo-hoo.

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And I'm like, well, what happens when you get an offer to DJ a thousand dollar wedding?

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Like, you know, I learned kind of early on, like I especially when I was doing all this stuff for free in the beginning, like once I started doing all this stuff for free, and then I would get offers for paid stuff, and then I would and I would have to, and I was such a, you know, I couldn't go back to the free person and say, hey, I got offered a free thing or a paid thing.

00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:15.200
Yeah.

00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:18.000
I at least I felt that I couldn't make on that.

00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:24.000
Um I sort of feel like that's something you, you know, you live and you learn to do what you said you were gonna do.

00:10:24.080 --> 00:10:24.240
Yeah.

00:10:24.480 --> 00:10:24.720
Yeah.

00:10:24.879 --> 00:10:36.080
And uh and so then that's why it's like, oh, I have to stop doing shit for free, because when I do shit for free, I still feel this obligation as if I was paid and I'm not getting paid.

00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:40.960
And there's, you know, and it's not that they're undervaluing it, it's because they don't understand the value of what I bring.

00:10:41.039 --> 00:10:45.039
And to be fair, in my early years, I wasn't giving the same value that I'm giving now.

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My heart was in it the right place.

00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:48.480
I was doing the best I could.

00:10:48.799 --> 00:10:49.279
Right.

00:10:49.679 --> 00:10:55.840
But I do think it's fucked up when when people expect a discount from their friends who run small businesses.

00:10:56.080 --> 00:11:03.360
Yeah, I really think it's it's gotta be that kind of question of like, you know, why why do you want to, you know, book me?

00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:07.360
I mean, and on the other side of it, it's like, or it's why do you think you deserve a discount?

00:11:07.679 --> 00:11:08.480
Or that too.

00:11:08.720 --> 00:11:09.519
Explain yourself.

00:11:09.759 --> 00:11:14.000
But yeah, back whenever I was doing, you know, design, like it was kind of the same thing.

00:11:14.159 --> 00:11:26.000
Like, I wouldn't would want to be like, are you hiring me because you really appreciate my point of view and my style and my organization, or because you think it'll be cheaper?

00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:30.399
I didn't ask that question enough back in in those days.

00:11:30.559 --> 00:11:33.200
Um, but yeah, I should have held fast more.

00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:37.120
It takes a lot of bravery also to have Yeah.

00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:43.120
Yeah, I I mean I and I and I I don't want to make it clear to all my friends who I or may are potentially listening.

00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:49.360
All my all my ones of friends that are listening to this that have maybe taken it, not taken advantage, but I offered free things too.

00:11:49.519 --> 00:11:50.879
I I really I do love you.

00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:55.279
But if you'll you'll notice that in the last 10 years, I probably didn't DJ anything for free for you.

00:11:55.360 --> 00:11:56.559
And I didn't offer discounts.

00:11:56.639 --> 00:11:58.559
And I was like, thank you for using my small business.

00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:00.720
It's women-owned, and you know, yeah.

00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:09.360
Um I was just a sidebar that's related um that was kind of interesting that happened this week that I haven't really told you yet.

00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:12.240
But we had somebody had requested a lady DJ.

00:12:12.399 --> 00:12:18.159
Um, it didn't make it into the proper part of the planning form, and so they didn't get assigned a lady DJ.

00:12:18.399 --> 00:12:22.960
And then they came back and were like, because of this, we don't want to work with you anymore.

00:12:23.120 --> 00:12:26.480
But anyway, so I sent this email that you will you will love.

00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:28.240
I was like, should I ask Mary about this?

00:12:28.320 --> 00:12:31.759
And then I was like, no, no, you've got this, like you, you can do it.

00:12:32.000 --> 00:13:04.240
So what I responded was basically, so what you're saying is that because of an admin, a rare admin oversight, you want to bump a small woman-owned business with largely, you know, woman office uh staff and many lady DJs from your lady birthday party because of a a tiny oversight that can still very much be fixed in a way ahead of time.

00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:04.799
Yeah.

00:13:04.879 --> 00:13:13.840
And for and also frankly, like, you know, the men that work for us are not there, there's few of them and they're and they're by design.

00:13:14.000 --> 00:13:14.159
Yeah.

00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:25.279
Like all of our like if if a man makes it, especially now, now, if a man makes it onto our staff, they have they have, I mean, they are an exception, and that's why they work for me.

00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:35.440
But anyway, the the sort of thing that was so poignant to me about it was like, like, okay, so obviously having a female DJ is important to you.

00:13:35.679 --> 00:13:46.799
So you're gonna throw the entire lady DJ company under the bus because of one suggestion that didn't make it into a box where Did we did we have any females available?

00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:47.519
We do.

00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:47.840
Yeah.

00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:48.399
Oh, okay.

00:13:48.480 --> 00:13:55.120
So we just happened to assign a male and you know, it wasn't requested, and I saw the music and was like, oh, this is, you know, this is perfect.

00:13:55.200 --> 00:13:57.519
You know, here you go, guy DJ.

00:13:57.679 --> 00:13:58.399
And then yeah.

00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:10.480
So anyway, it was just like this idea of like, put your values where your money is and have a little bit of compassion for the fact that not everything goes perfectly all the time.

00:14:10.639 --> 00:14:21.519
Why does it have to be absolutely the the other thing is is that there, I mean, I am again 20 years deep into this business, 25 in the industry.

00:14:21.759 --> 00:14:23.120
There's not that many women.

00:14:23.279 --> 00:14:23.440
Yeah.

00:14:23.679 --> 00:14:31.360
So if that is gonna be your you might not that might not be a thing that anybody could fulfill outside this company, you know, like it's possible.

00:14:32.960 --> 00:14:33.440
Did they just come back?

00:14:34.559 --> 00:14:37.840
So wait, did they just come back and say, sorry, we're not gonna work with you because you gave us a guy?

00:14:38.000 --> 00:14:50.559
Or did they like I'm concerned, you know, because of this like administrative oversight that you aren't gonna be like a great company to work for or something, like something along those lines.

00:14:50.720 --> 00:14:54.559
Like, like I don't think you'll be able to like handle my event because of this, you know.

00:14:54.799 --> 00:14:55.919
It was a birthday party.

00:14:56.159 --> 00:14:56.799
Yeah.

00:14:57.039 --> 00:15:01.039
Um, and an important one, but like an all-girl birthday party.

00:15:01.200 --> 00:15:04.240
So, like I was very clear, like, no excuses.

00:15:04.399 --> 00:15:06.000
We should have had this in the right place.

00:15:06.159 --> 00:15:07.600
We didn't see it, whatever.

00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:12.240
But like we're still several weeks, you know, like you literally just booked us.

00:15:12.399 --> 00:15:14.480
So we're not off schedule.

00:15:14.639 --> 00:15:18.320
All this is is a quick switcharoo.

00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:22.080
We've retained all, you know, all of the information about this event.

00:15:22.240 --> 00:15:26.000
Um, it's been transferred to the person who will actually do the event.

00:15:26.159 --> 00:15:29.519
So I was basically like, give this lady DJ a shot.

00:15:29.679 --> 00:15:30.639
Meet with them.

00:15:30.799 --> 00:15:36.559
If you don't feel like you are in the absolute best possible hands, then I'll let you go.

00:15:36.639 --> 00:15:37.360
Like fine.

00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:45.919
We don't, we don't want you to feel like we've strong armed you into using us, but put your values where your freaking dollars are.

00:15:46.639 --> 00:15:57.679
And like, and in their defense though, in their defense is that this is, you know, like the customer service side of that is, and with weddings, I understand it's very specifically.

00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:07.840
Like if they're gonna make a mistake this early on, they they can they can catastrophize out and say, like, oh my God, if they didn't get this, then are they gonna forget to, you know, do X, Y, and Z?

00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:24.000
And so it is like it is a very big deal to me when we do have a situation where we assign a DJ and the DJ is like, oops, I forgot to put my availability, or you know, we the, I mean, I or you know, I the the salesperson's late for the or misses the meeting or whatever.

00:16:24.159 --> 00:16:30.159
Like these little things, these are the cracks that that create the huge problem down the road.

00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:37.600
So I get that the fact that we missed that she wanted a female DJ is was important to her and that that's what they wanted.

00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:38.240
Completely.

00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:44.240
And I'm sure that's part of the reason why you redid the meeting form because there's probably something on there now about it.

00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:45.360
And that's a and that's another thing.

00:16:45.440 --> 00:16:46.080
We figured it out.

00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:53.200
Like, hey, now we've got a thing on there that says wants a female DJ in a box that gets checked versus like, you know, or whatever.

00:16:53.279 --> 00:16:57.200
It's like, yeah, what do you have any preferences, you know, for your DJ?

00:16:57.440 --> 00:17:04.160
And you know, that is the box that got missed getting filled, which is why I didn't consider that in the assignment.

00:17:04.240 --> 00:17:06.640
I only considered, oh, you won a Rager, I got you.

00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:11.440
But yes, but for a birthday party, it's like, okay, but I mean, you know, I don't know.

00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:36.000
I it's like there's gonna be something else going on, but if that I'm I guess my thing was like, I'm going to, you know, hold may hold hold up a mirror and be like, if this is actually important to you and you care about not just, you know, bailing uh on a moment's notice because of something that, you know, in the grand scheme of things, has nothing to do with day of, nothing to do specifically with your DJ.

00:17:36.319 --> 00:17:39.519
Um, and no harm has actually been done.

00:17:39.759 --> 00:17:41.519
Like, give us a second chance.

00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:43.839
And also let people try to win you back.

00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:50.079
Second chances are like a thing that we should maybe be a little bit more open to in this world, potentially.

00:17:50.480 --> 00:17:54.000
Also, we on our website, we've got like what, two dozen web DJs on there.

00:17:54.160 --> 00:17:56.559
Like, just because we it's just we assigned you a male.

00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:58.559
Like, yeah, I mean, there's more.

00:17:58.720 --> 00:17:59.839
Like, we've got lots of them.

00:18:00.000 --> 00:18:01.359
Like, it's, you know, I don't know.

00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:12.400
It's anyway, it was just kind of an interesting one sort of tangent to to this idea of like, why are you booking, you know, a certain, you know, company and and yeah, put your put your money where your mouth is.

00:18:12.640 --> 00:18:23.519
Well, the worst thing is when we assign a female and then they come back and they're like, um I've I uh I've never seen a woman I were going for.

00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:25.039
That's always my favorite one.

00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:26.640
It doesn't really fit the vibe.

00:18:26.799 --> 00:18:27.920
Okay, so what?

00:18:28.079 --> 00:18:33.359
It's gonna be like uh your wedding reception is magic mic XXI, you know, yeah.

00:18:33.680 --> 00:18:36.799
What's the vibe that requires a dude?

00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:47.279
Or it's I've never heard a woman do MCing, so therefore I can't have like, or they can be the DJ, but can like you have a man come and do the the the I remember we got that not too long ago.

00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:58.960
Well and it's just like so you so you've never like listened to the news and heard a woman, you know, Lisa Lopez on WBE Z saying the news or whatever, you don't believe the news because a woman's saying it.

00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:00.960
Like, what the hell?

00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:03.039
Like shout out to Lisa Lopez.

00:19:03.359 --> 00:19:03.599
Yeah.

00:19:03.839 --> 00:19:05.119
Oak Parker, yeah.

00:19:05.440 --> 00:19:06.319
Oh yeah?

00:19:06.640 --> 00:19:08.000
Oak Park, I think.

00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:12.559
Uh back when I was on W, the first radio session that I was on and Loyola, when we lost.

00:19:12.640 --> 00:19:23.119
I don't know if we talked through the whole radio saga of how this happened, but anyway, we used when I was on W, we had this like a managing agreement with WBEZ where they helped us with our fundraising.

00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:30.880
And that's why I'm so good at fundraising, is because I was trained by like the head of their what's the word for when you're raising money for things?

00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:32.640
Anyway, they're a fundraising person.

00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:34.319
Andrew Argonbright was his name.

00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:36.079
Am I getting early Alzheimer's?

00:19:36.240 --> 00:19:36.559
No.

00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:37.680
You promise?

00:19:37.920 --> 00:19:38.640
Themes are hard.

00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:39.039
Yeah.

00:19:39.359 --> 00:20:02.400
Anyway, Lisa Lavez came so back when we would do those uh when they we did the training, we had we do fundraisers, we would do on air pledge drives, and we actually had a room with six phones so that we could have people take um donations, and you had to work the phones because this was well before the internet, and so or not before the internet, the internet existed, but like not in this, not you couldn't just do pledge drives to the um to the website.

00:20:02.559 --> 00:20:07.839
Uh and I did pledge, she she c volunteered to come up and do on air pledge to donation taking.

00:20:07.920 --> 00:20:10.319
Uh and I got and I got to hang out with her for an entire afternoon.

00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:13.680
And and and when I tell you that was a thrill, that was a thrill.

00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:28.240
And then one time she was in front of me at the grocery store, and I she didn't remember my face, and I didn't remember her face, but she was talking to the grocery lady, and I was like, You're Lisa Lavez, and she's like, I am.

00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:34.640
And I'm like, I'm like, I I recognized your voice, but we met before, and it was like, no, she didn't remember me.

00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:36.160
But you know, or maybe she did.

00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:36.559
I don't know.

00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:39.519
I said I think she did because it's kind of a weird place to meet someone.

00:20:39.680 --> 00:20:40.160
Yeah.

00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:43.119
Uh, but anyway, long story short, I don't know how we got on this.

00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:44.319
Oh, women's voices.

00:20:44.480 --> 00:20:49.519
So when we have people that will come when they get designed to woman, and then they come back and they're like, um, we want a man.

00:20:49.680 --> 00:20:56.799
Like, I've I've had them come back and say that like for religious reasons, but like it's a it's it's a Muslim wedding and we need a male DJ.

00:20:56.880 --> 00:20:59.519
And I kind of feel like that can be a reason to change.

00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:03.519
But also you came to a woman a company where almost all the DJs on it are women.

00:21:03.680 --> 00:21:06.400
You didn't look at them, you didn't I mean, and maybe they didn't.

00:21:06.480 --> 00:21:07.519
I mean, there's a lot of things.

00:21:07.759 --> 00:21:08.000
Yeah.

00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:08.480
Yeah.

00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:15.039
I mean, I but it was weird to come to a woman-owned women mostly DJ company, get assigned a woman and then be like surprised.

00:21:15.279 --> 00:21:15.920
Yeah.

00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:17.119
Totes.

00:21:17.759 --> 00:21:21.519
Um, yeah, it's uh it's an interesting space to navigate.

00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:40.160
Like even this week we were talking about, and this is like kind of related and tricky to like talk about and tricky to have like policies around and canned responses, but like, you know, we don't have a a super strong foundation or expertise in non-Western weddings, right?

00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:45.519
And like even the language around it, I'm, you know, not super informed about.

00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:53.359
But it's like, you know, we kind of have this pretty solid stance of like, we're assigning your DJ super early, we're gonna talk through everything.

00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:59.759
So if you have something anything special, whether it's cultural, religious, like we're gonna have.

00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:08.400
enough runway to kind of work through that, figure out exactly how you want it articulated, just the same as we would any element of your big day.

00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:19.599
But sort of the comfort or maybe assumption that a DJ who has experience having done those things before would do it better or could do it better.

00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:39.599
And so we're just kind of working through this idea of like, you know, what is our response to somebody who asks, you know, if we can do like a two-day Indian, you know, wedding with a barat and like all of these other amendies and all that, you know, elements that we don't get asked to do that often.

00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:48.160
Um and then when you're coming to, you know, training, you know, new DJs, like how much of it can be anticipated, just like again, any wedding?

00:22:48.319 --> 00:23:00.319
And how do you, you know, talk about it and how do you, you know, like explain that, you know, we might not be the best fit if really the the best part of key thing that you're looking for is experience having done those things.

00:23:01.359 --> 00:23:14.640
Well I would I would say that, you know, I mean it's very rare that we're doing like a completely like both sides are an ethnic are you know are are culturally not American.

00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:26.079
And so I think where we kind of excel, in my opinion, what I would hope is that, you know, we're gonna do our best to make these things work together.

00:23:26.319 --> 00:23:33.519
And so it's like not having to completely learn, you know, an entire Indian like the two days of it all or even the three days of it all.

00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:35.279
Sometimes we've gotten asked to do that.

00:23:35.519 --> 00:23:35.759
Yeah.

00:23:36.079 --> 00:24:00.079
And I think that what the only way you can really train to that is um you know if you ever done it, really remember what you did and know that this is something that, you know, like Jewish weddings, like I can do I am I have been told that I am more Jewish during about weddings than Jewish people are because I've done so many Jewish weddings and I can bring up like are you going into seclusion?

00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:01.359
Are you doing the Hamozi?

00:24:01.519 --> 00:24:04.640
Like are you like and I can I can go through and they're like I don't know what you're talking about.

00:24:04.720 --> 00:24:07.680
And I'm like, never mind if you don't and they're like I wait, should I do these things?

00:24:07.759 --> 00:24:10.720
And I'm like if you're not if you don't know about them, you don't need to care about them.

00:24:10.880 --> 00:24:13.759
But like and so there's questions I should ask.

00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:25.279
And you know and or not like I mean if I could not ask those questions and they could get sprung on me and it's really we should be able to just turn on a dime and be able to pull these things off because they're just versions of introductions.

00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:27.839
They're versions of toast they're versions of ceremony.

00:24:27.920 --> 00:24:30.960
And so there's not there's not very many different things.

00:24:31.039 --> 00:24:32.160
It's like can you do a horror?

00:24:32.400 --> 00:24:35.200
I'm like I have several horas that is just hitting play in a song.

00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:38.000
I'm not getting out there and teaching you how to put people on chairs.

00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:59.759
But I do think that the kind of people that I want working for me are the people that are you know curious that will Google you know how to do jumping the broom how to do uh how to do a horror if you've never seen it like how to do you know the Tarantella if you're doing an Italian wedding like there's things that none of this is a mystery you know none of this is like hidden information.

00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:26.000
Well that's kind of the approach about any any aspect of your wedding if you came to me and said that you wanted to do you know a flash mob in the middle of your reception or something like that's still a thing that we have to acclimate to consider, figure out what your version of a flash mob is and fit that into the timeline in a meaningful way, recognize how it's going to impact flow if we've talked about that.

00:25:26.079 --> 00:25:45.920
So like I guess the qu sort of question thing that I'm wondering about communicating around just like is the the value of having experience having done those things when our approach is really about not what it is but how you want it done and why does that have to be different depending on whether it's religious, cultural, whatever.

00:25:46.000 --> 00:25:47.680
It's just another part of it.

00:25:48.000 --> 00:26:00.400
Well I think that there's a difference between something that they want to do like like it's something they want to do that's like you know a non-negotiable that they have to do and you know things that I'm like I don't know if that's the greatest idea.

00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:11.119
And it's three and it's being able to tell them why um and you know setting the expectation like you know we can do an Elvis impersonator and I think that's a fun idea.

00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:14.480
We can we can have your an Elvis impersonator at your wedding.

00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:19.440
I think it's gonna be better to have them come during dinner than having them come during dancing.

00:26:19.599 --> 00:26:30.400
Because if they come during dancing, people who don't like Elvis will leave and that's probably getting most of people because Elvis is an artist that at this point doesn't have he has I mean I guess the movie came out but like no one's requesting more Elvis.

00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:46.559
Like it's not you know it's not like a thing that happens where you know like when a new trend yeah it's not like when a new Guardians of the galaxy movie comes out and all of a sudden introduces people to a bunch of like fun like Guardian of the galaxy did more for wedding DJs than than you would imagine.

00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:47.440
So funny.

00:26:47.680 --> 00:26:53.680
And so it's letting people know because I mean all anything anybody's asking for at a wedding is a version of something we're already doing.

00:26:53.839 --> 00:27:11.599
And so I think as so for on the DJ side it's like how like what is the what is the version of this that I'm used to doing you know like if it's like a you know like there there's there's something where it's a thing where like pastries are being kind of like whipped around and there's like a thing where it involves cakes and moving them around or something.

00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:13.920
And I'm like, all right, this is a version of the cake cutting.

00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:14.480
Okay.

00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:18.400
How am I gonna like make this you know work?

00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:34.000
And so it's if you're doing something that's going to disrupt the flow that doesn't like an Elvis impersonator that doesn't have an analogy to a just a general just basic wedding it's figuring out the right place to do it, how long it should be, you know, where you're gonna get the most impact.

00:27:34.160 --> 00:27:36.160
Cocktail hour is never a time to do anything.

00:27:36.319 --> 00:27:38.799
Like you cannot do anything special during cocktail hour.

00:27:38.880 --> 00:27:47.200
If you try to do anything during cocktail hour, no one's gonna see it because everybody's standing usually in big in a big group there's nowhere, there's no focal point.

00:27:47.279 --> 00:27:49.680
There's no, you know, whatever.

00:27:49.920 --> 00:28:04.079
But the bigger problem I find with the cultural combos is that usually it's like oh I'm you know I'm from Mexico but you know I I don't really want to have my wedding be like the ever, you know, all the other Mexican weddings that I've been to with my family.

00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:07.119
Like you can play one or two songs but that's it.

00:28:07.359 --> 00:28:08.960
I'll will I will honor that.

00:28:09.119 --> 00:28:13.359
Like if you say you only want two Mexican like two Spanish speaking songs, I'm gonna do it.

00:28:13.599 --> 00:28:15.519
Two Mexican songs, uh I'm gonna do it.

00:28:15.599 --> 00:28:17.279
I'm gonna I will play only those two.

00:28:17.440 --> 00:28:22.640
However, 50% of that wedding has been only knows Mexican weddings potentially.

00:28:22.799 --> 00:28:24.000
And so they're like where's this?

00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:24.640
Where's that?

00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:25.519
How about this song?

00:28:25.599 --> 00:28:26.319
How about that song?

00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:35.039
And I'm like I I don't I was only allowed to play this and then they're mad at me because I only have two songs or they're mad at me for allowing this to happen.

00:28:35.279 --> 00:28:44.240
That's that's the other thing is where they're like how can you have a wedding like this like what kind of D there's nothing that makes my insides turn to dust faster.

00:28:44.559 --> 00:28:47.200
What kind of DJ are you if you don't do this?

00:28:47.359 --> 00:29:17.759
What kind of DJ doesn't do line dances what kind of DJ doesn't have you know won't play Paradise by the dashboard light what kind of and it's like I this one this is the one I will tell you Melissa I I don't want you to like because I know you tend to take things personally when I tell you stories that involve you uh but at the last hot flash dance that we did which was an epic incredible throwdown it was truly one of the best nights of my life but there was some women that came up Melissa was on the stage with me and uh I'm telling the story as if there's I'm talking to the audience.

00:29:17.920 --> 00:29:18.640
Actually I kind of am.

00:29:18.720 --> 00:29:24.000
So Melissa's standing on the stage with me and there was 350 people at this hot flash dance.

00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:32.960
It was packed and I I usually put I put down a notebook for people to like make requests so that you know I I just have I mean I'm not gonna it's not a promise again I just want to know what you want.

00:29:33.119 --> 00:29:35.279
Whether or not I'm gonna play it is up to me.

00:29:35.359 --> 00:29:41.039
Uh which is great because at a wedding I would have to play it and at this I can you know flip you the double bird and say it's not gonna happen.

00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:41.680
I would never do that.

00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:42.559
I love everybody there.

00:29:42.640 --> 00:29:53.440
Um so this older woman comes up to Melissa and or comes up to you and was like, you know, I'm uh there are actually some what did they say there's some actual there actually are some menopausal women here and I want you to play something that we know.

00:29:53.920 --> 00:29:54.160
Yeah.

00:29:54.480 --> 00:29:55.039
More or less.

00:29:55.359 --> 00:30:04.240
Yeah I get well I got a lot of really weird comments that night which kind of made me feel like everyone here thinks they're the only one here in a weird way.

00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:25.200
But yeah like like we're you were playing like too much contemporary music and they were saying like you know we're menopausal play something we know which is I that is I it is the it is like the the worst way to ask me to play something because hey lady guess what I am also menopausal and this is the music I like.

00:30:25.680 --> 00:30:34.240
So don't don't act like you're some I mean I am playing what I want to play and I am this I didn't advertise this as a retro night.

00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:36.880
I didn't advertise this as nostalgia.

00:30:37.039 --> 00:30:42.880
I I advertised this as like a raging fucking dance party for you know women.

00:30:43.039 --> 00:30:44.079
That was basically it.

00:30:44.400 --> 00:30:44.720
That's it.

00:30:44.799 --> 00:30:51.119
Yeah and it really it's kind of stuck in my cra where I'm just like because what they should have said is can you play ABBA?

00:30:51.359 --> 00:30:53.519
Can you play Kenny Loggins?

00:30:53.680 --> 00:30:54.960
Can you play the Beatles?

00:30:55.200 --> 00:31:00.079
Like don't come up and say play something I can play I I want to dance what offended me about it too.

00:31:00.160 --> 00:31:11.279
And then I got another comment later in the night that like in my response to it was she's playing the music everyone in this room is asking for you know like by and large what did they say?

00:31:12.079 --> 00:31:12.880
What did they say?

00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:56.960
To play more black music and um and I was like you I think you had literally just played like Kendrick or something and I was like okay this is a really big basket um you know but it was also like got just got me thinking about you know pre-requests and like you know getting a sense of like who's actually coming out of this audience, this potential audience because you're at a wedding there are guardrails, you know, somewhat kind of expectations of what the music is going to be like right at least the first 90 minutes and maybe the second 90 minutes is a little more you know couple focused and and contemporary but it was just such a like for I was really taken aback just because of kind of assaulting.

00:31:57.039 --> 00:31:58.160
It's a kind of assaulting question.

00:31:58.720 --> 00:32:13.680
It's feeling like you know again as somebody who wants to think that we're approaching things from a very you know broad uh perspective and trying to make everybody in the room happy but you can only you know can only do so much of that.

00:32:13.759 --> 00:32:15.279
And then it's like when did you get here?

00:32:15.440 --> 00:32:17.359
Did you get here two hours ago?

00:32:17.519 --> 00:32:19.039
Did you get here three hours ago?

00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:27.440
Like do you think that you know everything that we've already you know that you've already played like it was just so loaded and and maybe that was me.

00:32:27.599 --> 00:32:42.319
Maybe I'm bringing loaded to the party but it was you know I was disappointed because I felt like you were you know when you're you think you're trying to do something and somebody brings up that you aren't doing that for them, you're kind of like okay well what am I doing wrong?

00:32:42.640 --> 00:32:49.759
That's a different I mean I I almost interpret I I hear that side of it, but I that person also wrote that on the on the on the request book too.

00:32:50.319 --> 00:33:05.519
And uh and it's um it's I mean this is a delicate conversation and I don't want to tear it and like uh but um I bet you if I did an audit of what I played at least 50% of it was made by people of color.

00:33:05.759 --> 00:33:10.799
I there's there I mean I am not by any chance just like playing Sarah Borelis.

00:33:11.200 --> 00:33:15.279
You know like I'm I'm like you know I don't think I did play her at all.

00:33:15.440 --> 00:33:18.480
I don't think you did um nothing Sarah Borrellis.

00:33:18.720 --> 00:33:38.559
I could though I could say uh like there might be there's a place for brave yeah come on I see you that'd be that's a kind of a fun say I mean but whatever anyway my point to that is going is that I I was playing I wasn't a I wasn't consciously only paying like white artists if that is you know I don't I don't I don't think I could DJ an entire dance set of only white people.

00:33:38.799 --> 00:33:40.240
I don't think that's possible.

00:33:41.119 --> 00:33:47.359
But not without absolutely aiming to yeah and but it's also it's like play black music.

00:33:47.440 --> 00:33:55.279
It's like I don't I kind of don't know are there black artists that black people don't listen to I like what is like what is your idea of black artists?

00:33:55.359 --> 00:33:57.119
Was it was it the Kendrick that I played?

00:33:57.200 --> 00:33:58.480
Was it the prince that I played?

00:33:58.559 --> 00:34:10.800
Yeah you know like I don't I and I'm in no way am I trying to but and then but then it also makes me now I'm thinking to myself wow I I I probably should factor that into what I'm playing now and I then now I'm gonna have that in my head, which is good.

00:34:10.880 --> 00:34:18.320
I think it's good for me to like yes yes think that way but just but to say to like a white female woman DJ like play more black music.

00:34:18.400 --> 00:34:38.480
It's like pay I it's it makes me feel like oh shit am I you know am I I need to check my privilege am I am I the drive is that you want to right you want to play the music that is going to you know at least make everyone in the room feel seen and like what they want to dance to is important to you as a DJ.

00:34:38.719 --> 00:35:11.760
But then it's so you know the universe of music is massive right and then like just being able to kind of know what you mean by that in you know and sort of again not blaming anyone for bringing up you know what they what they want but like being constructive you know or specific just to give us a little bit more of a direction into what that means for you is you know yeah and admittedly hip hop especially contemporary hip hop is it's not my forte.

00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:22.480
I'm not gonna lie that hip hop is not I mean I know what I know but it's not I'm a white woman and I and it's not that white women can't like like hip hop but it's really slow music.

00:35:22.719 --> 00:35:28.880
Like it's like almost all hip hop is like 70 or like no more than 92.

00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:34.639
You know like it's if and so it's hard music to dance to is that what she meant by black music?

00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:35.360
I don't know.

00:35:35.599 --> 00:35:46.000
Yeah, no maybe well but the thing is is that like I mean you know admittedly like the people that come to it it is a lot of white women Instagram out there.

00:35:46.480 --> 00:36:23.360
And so it is a you know I'm glad when I see people of color that aren't just a bunch of you know middle aged white ladies but that is the room I'm I'm playing to yeah so you know and so and I do I mean and now I'm gonna go back and look at my music and see like what I what I played because yeah I don't know no complex intended but it just was you know these kinds of things that like you bring me into a lot of spaces I've never been before and you know I come to them with kind of some preconceived notions or biases that are you know maybe unintended but part of who I am and then I'm like you know this is different than I was expecting or this is similar, whatever I'm just evaluating.

00:36:23.599 --> 00:36:28.159
And like I don't know I came to it with this kind of the I've never been to one in Evanston either.

00:36:28.239 --> 00:36:31.760
So that was like another you know from like my Oak Park to Evanston distinction.

00:36:33.119 --> 00:36:34.960
FD is it is different.

00:36:35.280 --> 00:36:35.920
It was different.

00:36:36.079 --> 00:36:45.280
It was different also that it was like you know nearly twice if not bigger you know even bigger than twice the size of the other you know events that I've done with you.

00:36:45.440 --> 00:36:47.760
So it was just like it was just interesting.

00:36:47.920 --> 00:36:58.159
Like it was definitely much more of a like the the sort of f fervor over the book the book, you know, to like write in and like you know it was just it was just interesting.

00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:09.679
Well and I think people especially when they see other people writing people were they they get first of all when people see the book they're like I can make a request and it's like well no you can give me a suggestion.

00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:11.679
There I don't take I don't take requests.

00:37:11.760 --> 00:37:12.559
I take suggestions.

00:37:12.719 --> 00:37:18.000
They aren't a promise I mean but I actually kind of feel that way about weddings too like I'm not gonna let a wedding get torpedoed.

00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:23.119
I love your idea of making an actual notebook that says we are going to I made it I actually came up with an idea today.

00:37:23.360 --> 00:37:23.760
I love it.

00:37:24.000 --> 00:37:29.679
But I I think the book is good because I that's why I know who I know what this room wants you know or at least I have an idea.

00:37:29.840 --> 00:37:41.519
So if somebody does write down you know uh 90s hip hop that nothing drives me more crazy because I play a lot of 90s hip hop and I like what specifically do you want?

00:37:41.679 --> 00:37:43.280
I there's that's 10 years.

00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:48.639
And it started off with you know run DMC and ended with Tupac.

00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:52.559
So I don't know like I mean actually I don't have Tupac made it to 99.

00:37:52.719 --> 00:37:54.480
Did he die did he die in 99?

00:37:54.800 --> 00:37:57.599
I just watched the Biggie or the the Diddy documentary.

00:37:57.760 --> 00:38:23.840
Don't watch it it's horrifying but I just I I need I just want artists just say the name of someone I cannot do genre wide because even genre unless it's micro genre unless you're like I want mad Chester new wave like I got you on that one you know but I don't have you you know like it's I I can't just saying like 80s music like my idea of 80s and your idea of 80s can be two completely different things.

00:38:24.079 --> 00:38:36.960
But that said if somebody does give you that broad of a thing I have enough experience and I can look at the room and I can see like when I the first hot flash sense I did at Evanston because the ones we do in in Oak Park what would you how would you describe the ones in Oak Park?

00:38:37.199 --> 00:38:44.239
I think having the perspective now like I mean the ones in Oak Park feel like I don't know they weren't that dissimilar.

00:38:44.480 --> 00:38:48.800
There's they're smaller at Roberts but I think it's like not the next one.

00:38:49.039 --> 00:38:55.119
Definitely sweatier yeah you know like maybe a little bit more down and dirty.

00:38:55.360 --> 00:38:58.800
But uh yeah for the most part I mean in my I would say they're edgier.

00:38:58.960 --> 00:39:06.400
I would say that Oak Park ones have been more have been a little I feel I feel it's easier for me to like play nine inch nails or whatever.

00:39:06.639 --> 00:39:19.199
Like okay yes that distinction I definitely can recognize now because you you played nine inch nails you you did something else that was like pretty hard and I feel like there was a good response yeah to that.

00:39:19.599 --> 00:39:40.880
Uh but I I will say because and especially when you have more people there you're getting more types of people it's like I look out at the ones in Evanson and I'm like okay this is more wedding y like I'm not gonna be playing more wedding music but I'm gonna be playing more like I need to be more broad with the genres which is kind of irritating by those ladies because I was like I was really actively trying to play stuff from the 70s till now.

00:39:40.960 --> 00:39:45.039
Like it was it was an active everyone was there to the last minute.

00:39:45.199 --> 00:39:46.000
No one was mad.

00:39:46.159 --> 00:39:47.119
You did an amazing job.

00:39:47.280 --> 00:40:01.840
I know it was just it was like you know sort of the people that I think you know had a very specific maybe idea of it going into it and when like when they hadn't heard that they were like oh I gotta I gotta take over and you know make sure this goes in the right direction or something.

00:40:02.000 --> 00:40:12.400
Maybe that's just like having a lot of professional women in the same room that just feel like you know I'm gonna I gotta organize this because it's not going quite the way that I imagined it would go.

00:40:12.559 --> 00:40:18.400
And then that was you know my part is like Mary's just let Mary she knows what needs to happen.

00:40:18.480 --> 00:40:19.360
Just leave her alone.

00:40:19.599 --> 00:40:20.719
Let me cook let me cook.

00:40:20.960 --> 00:40:27.280
Let her cook you know and it's well but it it's also it's you know it's like I want this and I want it now.

00:40:27.519 --> 00:40:48.159
That's the other irritating thing too where it's like if like you know like actually was I don't know it's like when you make a request of something like first of all in what in wedding DJ world it's like people will always will almost always have someone at wedding who's requesting the song I'm playing that happens my favorite all the time they'll request the artist that I'm playing.

00:40:48.320 --> 00:41:05.519
So I'll be playing like you know 24 karat magic and they'll be like can you play some Bruno Mars and I'm like I am I am I am and um or they'll be like can you play something I can dance to like and you know like it but like kind of implying that like I'm not doing a good job and I go turn around sir.

00:41:05.679 --> 00:41:10.880
Like I I mean I don't like you're you're literally the only person here that's not dancing right now.

00:41:11.039 --> 00:41:13.599
And so it's you know it's this it's this that you're right.

00:41:13.760 --> 00:41:15.760
It's like they act like they're the only one there.

00:41:15.920 --> 00:41:16.239
Yeah.

00:41:16.480 --> 00:41:17.440
And this is only for them.

00:41:17.599 --> 00:41:18.960
But in many ways it is for them.

00:41:19.039 --> 00:41:27.119
So I do want to know I do want to know if you if I'm not hitting the mark because I can try like the only thing I'm never going to try is with country music.

00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:33.360
Sorry folks I that's just never I'm never gonna go down that road unless it's Jolly Dolly Parton is about it.

00:41:33.599 --> 00:41:34.000
Sure.

00:41:34.239 --> 00:41:41.039
But I'm don't lean remix just give it don't and I'm not gonna play metal I am you know like it's not there's certain things that because you can't dance to it.

00:41:41.199 --> 00:41:42.480
Like you just can't dance to it.

00:41:42.639 --> 00:41:53.519
And so I and and it's like trusting also my timing because like there's nothing worse than someone coming up and saying hey can you play this song?

00:41:53.679 --> 00:42:04.559
I'm about to leave can you play it before I leave and it's like why would I want to why would I or just like why would I want to cater to the needs of someone who's not going to be here for much longer.

00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:06.239
Bounce and out of my party in five.

00:42:06.400 --> 00:42:15.119
Yeah like I'm unless you're like I'm gonna leave in five unless you hear this still I don't like I don't take threats either but it's like why would I why would I give you what you who are the fuck are you?

00:42:15.280 --> 00:42:21.920
Like you're leaving why do I want to make you happy unless it makes you stay but even then I don't care because you're getting you're giving me threats.

00:42:22.079 --> 00:42:22.320
Yeah.

00:42:22.559 --> 00:42:42.400
We're we would play to people like I was telling Chris about the other day when I was photo booting an event and Allie was a DJ and this guy kept trying to go to the bathroom and then he couldn't like a song would come on right when he thought he was going to be able to go in and then he was like I'm gonna have to keep holding it because I really need to be on the stand.

00:42:42.559 --> 00:42:43.840
That that's our guy.

00:42:44.000 --> 00:42:44.400
Yeah.

00:42:44.719 --> 00:42:57.119
I I if you look we have a to the to the folks who are listening we have a wall of thank you cards in our office and one of my favorite things we get on thank you cards when they'll say like I couldn't pee all night long because you're playing such great stuff.

00:42:57.360 --> 00:43:03.519
I bet you I bet you if you pull down all those cards that probably said 10 times like it's like yeah I love it.

00:43:03.599 --> 00:43:07.679
It's my favorite yeah but how did we all start on this friends?

00:43:07.920 --> 00:43:39.519
Well I think our episode's kind of been like about the challenges of having a strong desire to appeal to our friends uh our different cultures different uh you know perspectives and individuals who want what they want when they want it um and then you know trying to have like a way to do that and maintain you know our our mission and our goals as well as kind of like the through line.

00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:49.519
Yeah and I wanna I want to kind of button something up because I don't want anybody, any friends of mine who I have done things for free or I have given discounts or anything to like be feeling guilty or whatever.

00:43:49.760 --> 00:43:55.440
I agreed to it you know like at the end of the day like I agreed to do things.

00:43:55.599 --> 00:43:59.760
I did a bad job of putting my foot down if I was irritated by it like that's on me.

00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:05.679
Like it's it's like you can and you know, it's like people are like, it doesn't hurt to ask, and sometimes I do feel like it does hurt to ask.

00:44:06.159 --> 00:44:20.159
Everything's circumstantial, you know, like you have to look at every situation in a unique way, and you uh I I am a a true believer that you can say one thing one day and then the next day say a completely different thing.

00:44:20.639 --> 00:44:28.639
You're just making choices based on what you know at that moment, and then that next day things can feel differently and you should be allowed.

00:44:28.960 --> 00:44:34.320
I mean, it's a a a ding on anyone's personality for changing their mind.

00:44:34.639 --> 00:44:47.440
But yeah, it's uh like you were saying, like with the friends, you know, side of things is like you you can say yes to things, you can you can say yes to one person and no to another person.

00:44:47.519 --> 00:44:53.360
You know, it's like you just have to take all of the factors into consideration and then you make a choice.

00:44:53.519 --> 00:45:03.280
Yes, I want to do that, or no, that feels like too much, or no, that feels like this could impact our, you know, our friendship in a way that is important to me that we don't.

00:45:03.440 --> 00:45:05.920
And so for this reason, I am you know declining.

00:45:06.320 --> 00:45:11.119
That is a a lesson that I've I've learned all too well is the you know, friends and money.

00:45:11.199 --> 00:45:21.599
Cause, you know, I will say that a lot of the times when friendships have fallen apart, it has been over money or things I'm doing for people that I, you know, didn't whatever.

00:45:21.760 --> 00:45:22.320
It sucks.

00:45:22.480 --> 00:45:26.480
And I the fact that money can ruin relationships is so shitty.

00:45:26.639 --> 00:45:28.320
And I'm not saying I'm not above it.

00:45:28.400 --> 00:45:34.079
Like I I'm sure I've had friendships that I personally have fucked the fucked up over money on, you know, whatever.

00:45:34.239 --> 00:45:39.920
But it's so gross when you think about the capitalistic side of that too, where it's like, you know, money's not real, right?

00:45:40.079 --> 00:45:49.920
You know that money is like a thing that we all just kind of made up that has value that doesn't even like we just that that became so clear to me during pan the during the pandemic.

00:45:50.079 --> 00:45:58.480
Like, wow, like money, like especially when I do when I was getting like those PPP checks, and like, and I would be like, I just got a check for like almost$300,000.

00:45:58.719 --> 00:46:02.960
And it was like, oh, so you just gave me money, like you just gave me this money.

00:46:03.119 --> 00:46:05.599
Like it was, it was so weird.

00:46:05.760 --> 00:46:08.880
I mean, it all got spent immediately on you know, payroll and expenses.

00:46:08.960 --> 00:46:10.239
It wasn't like it was my money.

00:46:10.559 --> 00:46:11.039
No, no.

00:46:11.440 --> 00:46:16.880
But it was crazy that I just got sent that money and I kept getting more checks, you know, that just kept getting forgiven.

00:46:17.039 --> 00:46:19.119
And it's like, so you could just forgive all of this.

00:46:19.440 --> 00:46:21.840
Like stuff, like like student loans.

00:46:21.920 --> 00:46:24.559
You could just forget, you just sell game.

00:46:24.800 --> 00:46:26.000
Yeah, it really is.

00:46:26.239 --> 00:46:26.960
Yeah, 100%.

00:46:27.440 --> 00:46:35.519
Uh, you made me think of a question uh my almost 13-year-old asked the other day, which was like, Oh, they were talking about like the Louisiana Purchase.

00:46:35.599 --> 00:46:38.960
I she was saying, and like it was like, how did they like buy it?

00:46:39.039 --> 00:46:41.360
Did they like ship over a bunch of dollars?

00:46:41.440 --> 00:46:53.920
You know, like, and then that got us thinking about like the Wild West and like Wells Fargo and like train robberies and like all of this stuff, because they used to actually move like real stuff, yeah.

00:46:54.079 --> 00:46:54.880
And whatever.

00:46:54.960 --> 00:47:03.920
And and that fact that I didn't really have actual good answers to that question also was like, how did they buy well, I mean territory?

00:47:04.239 --> 00:47:12.719
The real the real thing to think about is like, why did we think that we owned the land to then buy it or sell it?

00:47:13.039 --> 00:47:13.920
Like of course.

00:47:14.159 --> 00:47:23.119
I mean, I, you know, this is a completely bigger topic, but just the concept of like, you know, no person is illegal on stolen land built with stolen hands.

00:47:23.280 --> 00:47:28.639
Like it's uh like I I and I do believe that this country's gonna be fucked until we atone for those original sins.

00:47:28.719 --> 00:47:30.960
But whatever, that's a different conversation for a different time.

00:47:32.639 --> 00:47:38.000
But yeah, uh, we wanna do we want to do good stuff for everyone.

00:47:38.320 --> 00:47:38.719
Yeah.

00:47:39.039 --> 00:47:41.119
So it's been a week.

00:47:41.280 --> 00:47:42.400
This has been a rough week.

00:47:42.639 --> 00:47:45.760
We are taping this uh last week in January.

00:47:46.159 --> 00:47:51.280
End of January, which has been the most like just wild month.

00:47:52.000 --> 00:47:52.320
Yeah.

00:47:52.559 --> 00:47:54.960
Uh this this month has lasted 14 years.

00:47:55.679 --> 00:47:56.000
Truly.

00:47:56.320 --> 00:47:58.000
And I turn my birthday was yesterday.

00:47:58.079 --> 00:47:58.719
No, it wasn't yesterday.

00:47:58.800 --> 00:47:59.679
My birthday was two days ago.

00:48:00.079 --> 00:48:01.119
Yeah, happy birthday.

00:48:01.599 --> 00:48:04.079
Maybe Sebastian's was on Tuesday.

00:48:04.159 --> 00:48:19.199
And also, you know, RAP, I we had a when I was uh in Panama as on the yoga retreat last week, um my my husband called me and he's like savvy, lay savvy cat, one of our cats was not doing well, and like she wasn't even the one that I was worried about.

00:48:19.280 --> 00:48:21.840
Like Serge, my other cat, is the one who's been having problems.

00:48:22.000 --> 00:48:36.159
And uh she just basically just shut down in real time and we had to put her to sleep, and I had to like watch it over FaceTime, and it was truly it was probably in the top three to five worst things I've ever gone through was having to watch them put Savvy to sleep.

00:48:36.320 --> 00:48:40.320
And Sebastian was just wailing and crying, and he never cries.

00:48:40.400 --> 00:48:45.280
And I was just having to just like I I at one point I'm like, Well, you hug the phone, well, you hug the phone.

00:48:45.440 --> 00:48:46.480
I mean I was and I was a mess.

00:48:46.559 --> 00:48:49.920
I couldn't, I was I was not a stoic parent that day.

00:48:50.000 --> 00:49:00.639
I was John, I was, I don't think I was, and I kept taking screenshots of savvy, and like like there's like you know, the picture is like savvy, and then in the corner is like me looking like Claire Daines in the corner.

00:49:00.719 --> 00:49:02.719
I'm like, like looking terrible.

00:49:02.880 --> 00:49:05.199
And not Claire Dane's hot, Claire Dane's as she's crying.

00:49:05.280 --> 00:49:08.960
He's famously an ugly crier, and I am also an ugly crier.

00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:16.960
Uh, but it was it was real rough to uh come home and you know, the ways that Savvy was in my life, like she was very diminished.

00:49:17.199 --> 00:49:22.000
I mean, she was 17 and um diminished.

00:49:22.239 --> 00:49:31.519
Uh so but she would like every morning she would scream at me to feed her, you know, and she would like sit in the bathroom while I would go to the bathroom in the morning and in the same spot.

00:49:31.599 --> 00:49:35.360
She would like go to the same spot every, you know, just little things where hit her mark.

00:49:35.599 --> 00:49:35.840
Yeah.

00:49:36.000 --> 00:49:36.880
So anyway, R.

00:49:37.039 --> 00:49:37.119
A.

00:49:37.199 --> 00:49:37.280
P.

00:49:37.360 --> 00:49:37.760
savvy.

00:49:38.000 --> 00:49:38.079
R.

00:49:38.239 --> 00:49:38.320
A.

00:49:38.400 --> 00:49:38.559
P.

00:49:38.719 --> 00:49:39.360
savvy.

00:49:40.000 --> 00:49:40.320
All right.

00:49:40.480 --> 00:49:41.360
We were all over the place today.

00:49:41.679 --> 00:49:44.480
Of your kit cats, the ones that actually would hang out with people.

00:49:44.639 --> 00:49:44.800
Yeah.

00:49:44.960 --> 00:49:45.920
It's the one everybody knew.

00:49:46.079 --> 00:49:51.119
Everyone thought it was like they called, like my friend Katie calls Says the bed cat because Sayers just hangs out in my room.

00:49:51.280 --> 00:49:53.280
And she's like, Oh, that's too bad that the bed cat died.

00:49:53.440 --> 00:49:54.719
I'm like, no, not the bed cat.

00:49:54.880 --> 00:49:56.559
It was the cat you know and love.

00:49:56.719 --> 00:49:57.840
Everybody knows and loves savvy.

00:49:58.159 --> 00:49:59.280
The least she's ever seen.

00:49:59.519 --> 00:50:00.880
Yeah, she's an attention whore.

00:50:01.039 --> 00:50:02.320
So not baby doll.

00:50:03.039 --> 00:50:08.320
And actually, I got a call yesterday saying that their her ashes were back and her little paw prints we had made.

00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:10.320
And yeah, I don't, I gotta go get them.

00:50:10.639 --> 00:50:12.880
I got a couple of those in the house too.

00:50:13.920 --> 00:50:15.840
Not from cats though, obviously.

00:50:16.079 --> 00:50:17.280
Oh, from other animals.

00:50:17.360 --> 00:50:18.639
I'm like, what are you talking about?

00:50:19.280 --> 00:50:22.079
No, yes, from Jacques and Willem.

00:50:22.639 --> 00:50:26.079
Um they they're together in the same bag in the closet.

00:50:26.239 --> 00:50:27.440
I don't know what to do with them.

00:50:27.599 --> 00:50:28.079
Yeah, I know.

00:50:28.480 --> 00:50:30.159
Another topic for another podcast.

00:50:30.400 --> 00:50:32.639
What do you do with your bed sashes?

00:50:32.880 --> 00:50:33.119
Yeah.

00:50:33.599 --> 00:50:34.400
But I will miss that.

00:50:34.639 --> 00:50:35.760
Sprinkle them in the litter box?

00:50:35.920 --> 00:50:37.039
It's a place that they loved.

00:50:37.920 --> 00:50:40.639
Well, Melissa, I think we we think we nailed it today.

00:50:40.880 --> 00:50:44.960
I mean, I'm glad that there was maybe something cohesive about this conversation.

00:50:45.119 --> 00:50:45.440
Yeah.

00:50:47.119 --> 00:50:58.559
Uh and uh as always, love, you know, I guess trying to work through, you know, some of the the stuff that impacts uh how we approach business and life and trying to make the world a better place.

00:50:58.719 --> 00:50:58.960
Yeah.

00:50:59.199 --> 00:51:00.880
You're the best, Melissa.

00:51:01.199 --> 00:51:02.079
You're the best.

00:51:02.639 --> 00:51:02.880
All right.

00:51:03.119 --> 00:51:05.360
And I can't wait to hear about Panama IRL.

00:51:05.599 --> 00:51:06.000
Yeah.

00:51:06.159 --> 00:51:07.840
It was it was magical.

00:51:08.079 --> 00:51:08.480
Yeah.

00:51:08.719 --> 00:51:10.480
So we'll tackle that next week.

00:51:10.559 --> 00:51:10.880
All right.

00:51:11.360 --> 00:51:11.840
All right.

00:51:12.079 --> 00:51:12.960
Peace out.

00:51:13.199 --> 00:51:13.519
Bye.

00:51:13.920 --> 00:51:14.239
Bye.

00:51:15.760 --> 00:51:19.599
Thanks for listening to Olive in my lady business with me, Mary Lucy.

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Uh, we'd love for you to like, review, subscribe, follow us at Olive My Lady Business on the gram.

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And if you're a female identifying person and you want to dance, you can follow.

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I mean, everybody can follow us.

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But if you want to be a part of the magic at hot flat dance party, sign up for the mailbook to find out where our next party's gonna be.

00:51:36.960 --> 00:51:42.239
And if you are looking for each hotel in the area or anywhere else, you know, money's the same color everywhere.

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Why us out?

00:51:43.039 --> 00:51:44.960
Coachingput.com has the best.

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And listen to my radio show.

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I have a radio show on TripRadio at trip radio.org.

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That's Mondays, every Monday, we call it.

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Today's episode is produced by Shiraz Data Team, composed, and performed by the Shiraz Data.

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Alright, guys, peace out.