Back in Business - The Thing I Was Missing is Me with Katy Rexing

SPEAKER_01 0:15

My business is your business. It's all been my lady business. With me.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

All right, folks, thanks so much for tuning in today. I have the illustrious, amazing Katie Rexing. All up in this piece today. Katie is she has four kids. She is a chef, which I really want to dig into. Uh, blogger. She's down a uterus. And she is here today on all of in my lady business.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Thanks so much for being here. Mary, I just adore you. I'm so happy I could do this with you and just to be able to like see your face and have a good catch-up with you. Feels so good. I've missed you. I have missed you too. I think about you all the time. I know that sounds very weird.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

No, because I you forgot that I was your new best friend. No, I didn't forget. There's no forgetting. I want to give a little backstory to how I met Katie. I met Katie a mere three months, four months ago, five months ago in February of 2023. We met at the uh the famous yoga retreat that I went to in Panama. And Katie wasn't there last year, so she was there this year. And this she was like new meet. It was like, who's this new person? Who are these new people? Who we're the sharks, they're the jets. It wasn't that at all. And I wound up sitting next to Katie pretty early on in the trip, maybe the second night, maybe even the first night. And we started talking, and I felt like you were like peering into my soul. And I feel like it was a really important conversation that I kind of went over my head many times since then. And then we just talked a lot during the trip, and I just really I find you fascinating. So Katie is a blogger, and you have like, let's get into it. So you have a tribe on the internet of people that a little bit love you. And um, and I love to hear how this happened. So where are you from?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

Yes, yes. Okay, I'm from Ohio, originally from the Midwest. Okay, and then grew up in the Midwest, went to school in Ohio, and then met my husband, John Paul, in Chicago. I moved there right after school. I worked in advertising. Really? Yeah, yeah. What did you do? So I was like an Ick and Account executive. So I was like the go between the creatives and the client. And I did that for several years. My first client was craft mac and cheese, which is so funny. Like I don't give that to my kids now. No, I was slapping up Velveeta shells and cheese. Um and I remember one day looking at my boss's boss, and it was an all-female team, and it was really small, and I looked at her and she was working so many hours. I mean, I'm sure you remember this is the days of like old school, like boys' world, boys' club, and it was just really rough and tough. And I remember looking at her and seeing how hard she worked, and I remember thinking, I don't want her job. And I was like, okay, that's a problem, and I don't want my boss's boss's job. And I knew I had to leave advertising. So anyway, I ended up leaving advertising, and then it's a whole slew of things. But since then, John Paul and I have kind of like moved around a few different times. We were in Chicago for a while, on the East Coast for a while, and now we're in California. And since then, popped out a couple kids. Four. Yeah, four. So many kids. So many kids, Mary. And the plan was just to have one, maybe two, and then God laughed, and now here we are. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

One of the stories that I when we when we met, we were I remember we were standing in the ocean with lay waves kind of falling us, and you're like, Yeah, I just sort of like sold my house and just moved to California on a whim. And I'm like And I'm like, who is this woman that can just move her whole life? And with such calm and clarity.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

And yes, yes. No, you know, it's so funny because I will share people or I meet people here out in California and they're like, where are you from? Tell me your story. Why did you guys move? And I explained to them, like, well, we moved because I had a vision of living in California and I convinced my husband to sell our house, and two months later we moved to California with our kids. And the funny thing is, I'm actually not really like a fly by the seat kind of girl. I am usually like really planned out, things are like well thought through, and I always have like a really good plan. And this was one of the first things of my life where I didn't really have, I had no idea what the hell we were doing. I had no expectations. I just knew I didn't see us in the Midwest for a long period of time. And logically, I think if I thought it through, we never would have moved. Right. And there was no reason to go. Like it didn't make any sense. Financially, it didn't make any sense. I've got kids going into high school, like none of it made any sense. And so I think that was the beauty of it is we sort of made the decision quickly. And then we started doing all the logistics. Like, we're just gonna move and we'll figure it out as we go. And it definitely has not been smooth. Yeah. And we are about a year, we'll be a year in July out here. And we're actually just talking about like what's next? Like, what do we do now? You're like, move to Canada. Yeah, no, like I'm like, what are we doing in our life? What if you know? I think we moved out here and there was a lot of excitement around it. And I will say this we love California and we love being in the sunshine, we love the lifestyle it provides our kids. It definitely aligns with like how we want to raise our family. But again, I didn't really think through a lot of things. And we found our house online and we had never seen it, and it's a rental, and we just were like, we saw it. I'm like, this will work, we'll take it. We got on a plane and we moved here with suitcases. And it really was flu. That's the crazy thing. That's why I was like, what did I do? And um, you know, it's felt really freeing. And I think now we're looking for it to get grounded again. And so now we're looking like we're we need a house. So now we're sort of like the stress is happening now that I think probably should have happened a year ago. The stress is sort of hitting of like, you know, what are we doing with our kids? Have we fucked them up? Like, why are we out here? Well, so you said what you have one in high school. You have one you have a kid going into high school? I do. It happened so fast, Mary. I swear. Everyone says like it goes so fast and not to be cliche, but it it really has gone fast. The first, the first like decade of motherhood, I felt like dragged on forever. I was pulling my hair out. I mean, I was like bored on, not bored, but it was just a lot. It's overwhelming. And that's and it's a mental slog. It's a mental slog. And I feel like as the kids are getting older, especially my two oldest, I have a eighth grader now who'll be in high school next year, and then a middle school girl. And I have to tell you, these are the best years. Like they are so friendly. No one says that. Literally, no one says that. And I'm like, I actually really, and you're the same way though, with your with your little guy. Like you love him. Like I love, I love my kids. I I don't like, you know what I mean? So I'm like, I kind of like them. And I feel like we have a nice banter between us and it's playful. And my expectations of them are like, they're gonna be kids, they're gonna be teens. And so I feel like because of that, we have this really nice, we just have a nice chemistry between us. And so I'm really enjoying this era with them. And I just I don't want it to go. I don't want to go.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

So it's a it's a boy and then a girl, and then and then two boys. Okay, so there's one girl and one girl.

SPEAKER_00 6:51

So one just badass girl that's gonna be slogging with her for three brothers. It's gonna make her so tough. And she rules the roost. Like I'm even afraid of her. Like she rules the roost. And a part of me, I'm like, that's really good. It's gonna serve her really, really well, you know? And she's she's awesome. I mean, they're all awesome in their own right, but I think her being raised around three boys is giving her incredible skills that are just gonna serve her really, really well. So I mean, yeah, I did you do you have what's your sibling situation? I'm a middle, and my husband's in middle too. And so we're both one of three, and we both have boy girls and ends. And so we're both like the middle pleaser, like the middle child, the people pleaser, like trying to keep like everybody together. I don't know. It's really a good thing that we're both middle kids.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Well, I mean, someone's gotta be it if there's one more than two kids. You know, it's like the other night, Sebastian was so Sebastian is really good around adults. Like everybody, like every adult, I've had a nickel for the number of times like, I can't tell he's autistic. It's like, see him around a child, and then you will see him. I I mean, I think I've made this joke before, but he's kind of like the frog from Looney Tunes at the hello, Mahani, hello, my baby, when he's like around the owner, but then when he gets around other people, he's like, Worry about it. And he was the other night, he was like, he was on it. We had a I had a friend over and he was just on a tear and he just wouldn't stop talking. And I had this instinct to tell him to, I'm like, Sebastian, be quiet. Like nobody, like you're talking too much. But then I was like, then I all of a sudden had like a weird flashback to like 19 and someone telling me that I talk too much and no one wants to hear from you. And so I was like, you know what? This is my child. He talks too much, I talk too much. And like, I don't want to, I mean, granted, I don't think another white guy is gonna have too much uh feelings like he doesn't, like no one wants to hear him, but I I did feel like I needed to like let him kind of express himself and not let him know that like him talking too much is a problem.

SPEAKER_00 8:30

Yeah. No, you know what's so funny though, Mary, that you say that is I feel like my kids, and not necessarily the same example of them talking too much, but there would definitely be moments where I'm like, okay, can we just be whatever this is, can we just be done with this? So whether that's like they're overly hyper, my daughter is super sensitive and really emotional, and she'll have these outbursts, and I'm like, all right, how much longer is this gonna go? Because in my insides, it's triggering something in me. I'm like, because I I remember times when like it was sort of shut down as you were saying, you know, and it was clearly like I was too much. And it's really something that as a parent now I've become super aware of those moments. I'm like, oh, this is a me problem, not actually a you problem.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

But it's not even really a you problem. It's really it's like it's almost like you weren't allowed to express that as a kid because it was inconvenient or it was taking too much energy from your parents' brains that were melting down for whatever other reasons were you know in our parents' adult 80s brains. And it's hard because you I find myself yelling at Sebastian more than I wish I did. Yeah. Yeah. And I think to myself, like, well, my mom yelled at me. This is how she got me to do things. And so this is how I'm gonna get him to do something. And he doesn't respond well to it. And I have to be like to John, I'm like, we have to find a different way to communicate this to him because he doesn't respond well to being yelled at, like we were. And then I'm like, wait a minute, was I okay with being yelled at? Right, right, right, right, right. You're like, so I actually never really worked in it. Yeah, no, I just and it's not, and like being angry isn't a fun feeling, and I can get to it real fast. It's amazing how quickly I can get angry. Amazing, amazing.

SPEAKER_00 9:58

And I'm gonna tell you the long, at least for me, I have found the longer it goes on, the more practice I've had, the more like aware I've become of like, oh, this is actually a trigger for me, the easier it is not to like fly off my handle. But there was a good decade there where my parenting was fly off the handle, and really it was like Asher and Lillian. My first two were like my testers. Um it's called Asher like my burnt pancake, and it's like your first child, right? Like you're just like testing things out, and you're like, I'm so sorry, I burned you. And the other pancakes are all like perfect golden brown. And he's just like fried, like burnt.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

And he's like, It's okay, I'm fine with that. No, he really is. I'm like, sorry, you're my tester.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

He's gonna go to college and come back with a face tattoo, and you're like, This is the this is the burnt pancake. Totally, totally my fault. Totally my fault. He will be in therapy because of me. But I really did like I did like the three, two, one parenting. Do you remember that? It was like they'd like follow it's like really, it's basically just like really strict disciplining. Like I was, I was for sure in the camp of like timeouts and you know.

SPEAKER_02 10:52

There was the other there were other things, there's all so there's always so many things. But yes, keep in mind. So you were you were a stressed-out parent.

SPEAKER_00 10:59

I'd say the past, I don't know, like five, six years or so, that my style of parenting is completely changed. Mortal and like what you're talking about, but I didn't even know, I didn't even know how much I like I didn't even realize that it was wrong. I just thought like everybody yells and it was wasn't it okay? And my mom yelled at me, and but it never really felt good inside me. Like it didn't feel good for me as a mom. I always felt then like on edge, and I didn't have this like close relationship with the kids that like I thought I want, I thought what we were supposed to have. And it's really just recently that that's changed. And what what changed? What made you what made that you know? I think a couple of things, like one age, and then two, awareness of my own shit, and getting like really honest with myself about like how I wanted to live and what the problems were. And the problems were really like me feeling I mean, so many things, but my own anxieties, my own overwhelm, my own unhappiness within like whether it was my marriage or whether it was like feeling like we didn't have enough help, we didn't have enough time, we didn't have enough money, like whatever it was. They were just like things I was carrying that then fed into like how I reacted with the kids. And it's taken me just some time to really start owning my own stuff and cleaning up my side of the street. And I feel like I've become a different mother because of that. How did you talk? Well, like what did you do? Like, how did that I think meditation was one of the biggest things for me that really helped me like tune in and become more aware of my own feelings and aware of my own anxieties and emotions, and when things bled over into the kids that really weren't because of the kids, it was really because of me. Therapy, and then I know we've talked about this before, but you know, I stopped drinking a few years ago, and that's really also been a huge game changer in my parenting. I think it's just like allowed me to be more present with the kids, both like in the times I would have been drinking and the next day to whatever it is. And I feel like I just show up for them in a totally different way.

SPEAKER_02 12:46

We show up with everything in a totally different way. I mean, I I'm a little bit behind you. I think I think you're at three years-ish or something. Two and a half years. And when you're a year plus now. I'm like a year and a half. I'm like year oh I'm like a year and seven months or something.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

And do you feel like it's changed parenting with Sebastian?

SPEAKER_02 13:00

Absolutely. A hundred percent. I I felt I have a lot of I try to not carry guilt around with me because I'm but I always am. Like I'm trying, I can't, I have a lot of guilt when I let myself think about it, about how not present I was until I quit. And I think I mean, I think I was a much meaner mom. That was one of the there was a lot more yelling happening, you know, back then. But it's one of the weird things that happened soon after I quit drinking and I was like hanging out with them and we were just laughing and having such a great time. And like, and I was like, he's hit such a great age. Like, this sounds like a great age. Like he's being really funny and cool. And then I'm like, oh, wait a minute. Has he always been funny and cool? And I just didn't realize it because I was just trying to like get him out of my life so I could get drunk, or not drunk, but like yes, you know, yes. That five o'clock, because I would start drinking at like five. Yeah, you know, or six, five or six. And it was like six if I was being good. And so it's like I was really, and the second that first drink got in, your brain starts numbing and you start doing all the things that you shouldn't be doing instead of hanging out with your kid.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Yeah. No, I'm right there one hunt with you. I think I always had this division between my time and like kid time, like mom time. And I felt like whether it be the end of the day or the weekend, that I wanted that like clear divide. Like, okay, I've been a mom to you. Now I'm gonna go over here and have my adult time. And that really was signified by like a glass of wine. And, you know, my husband and I used to put on a record and we'd sit in our living room, he'd pour me a drink and himself a drink. And we were like, if the kids would come in the room, I'd be like, oh, can't we just have our time alone? Like I'd be so exasperated when they would literally just be breathing and living and existing in our home that's supposed to be shared by all of us. But it was like, this is my space, this is my time. And I noticed when I we stopped drinking, and my husband stopped drinking as well, that my kids started commenting, like, we really like you guys not drinking. And listen, we weren't like massive drinkers, but we definitely would have a drinker here too. And I think they felt more included in our lives. And it would be little things like now when JP and I are talking, I don't know why I just find myself, and maybe because I've found other ways to relax before that like five o'clock hour, that like if I'm having a cup of tea with JP or something, we're talking at night and the kids walk in, I'm like, sit down, tell us about your day. I find that like I'm more open to them being with me in those hours and that black and white that I used to have of like my time and mom time is now merged and it's kind of like I just coexist with them and a much more you don't need that singular time.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

I find I don't need my mom time anymore. And in fact, I found that like I like to take my mom personal time away from the home. Like I'm if I'm gonna be doing something for myself, I'm not gonna be here. I know that sounds maybe that does seem shitty.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

No, I'm not gonna find with you. It feels better because it's like now I'm like getting up earlier and I'll go and get my walk in at you know 6 a.m. or whatever it is before the kids are awake and I feel like you get your time away, or I'll go and like I'm gonna go to a good bookstore by myself. And I don't feel like it's that same divide that we used to have in our home back in the days when we used to drink. I don't know if everyone who drinks feels that way, but I was not expecting it. And I wasn't expecting the kids to be like, we really like you guys sober. I'm like, I didn't even know you noticed. No, I didn't know that it was even gonna be a thing. So anyway, and especially with like my oldest two getting older and you know, Asher going into high school next year. I definitely think JP and I have sort of taken it like one day at a time. Like, I don't know, we're just not drinking today, but we'll see. And John Paul recently said, and I agree with him, he's like, while the kids are in high school, we won't, we just it's done. Like we won't drink in our house, like that won't ever happen. And I'm like, I think so, I think you're right. I feel so I feel pretty confident that for the next X amount of years we have kids in high school, I don't foresee us having alcohol. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:27

I hope I never want it again. Yeah, I'm I'm just I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

I'm like you think this is it for you for good? Well, it's just because I you know, it's funny.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

I was texting with a friend of mine yesterday. I was weird, I was just I text her, like, I really hope I never want because I don't I don't white knuckle it. I have zero desire for it. Like I don't see anyone drinking and say, I wish that's where I was, or I don't I never see somebody three drinks in and be like, that's a place I miss.

unknown 16:50

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:50

Right. Right. You know, like I they're just repeating themselves and you know, like the I'm like, God, I had and I had to be worse than what they are because I'm a lot in general. So I and I just like the it was the hangovers, man. It just weren't they weren't worth it. They weren't they it's like nothing is worth that feeling anymore. And I can just play the tape forward. And when I smell it, it it smells gross. Like I don't and maybe I'm in that pink cloud era. I mean, I hear from other people who've gone through this, you know, deeper than I have or longer that, you know, there's a thing that happens at five years and things happen, and I'm like, okay, like if you say so, I mean, I don't know. But I have started talking to Sebastian, he's nine, and I've already started to talk to him about alcohol because he's only like four years away from when I started having that stuff, like people were around me socially drinking, was when I was 12 or 13, which is so fucked up when I think about it.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

Crazy, right? No, I know. And even now, like the kids the kids I feel like are exposed to things faster and earlier, and it's it's just wild. No, I think it's smart that you're having those conversations. And I don't think it's ever too early to have those kinds of conversations.

SPEAKER_02 17:53

I think John thinks it's a little too early, and I'm like, I don't know. I wish I was hearing it when I was nine. Because in my family, it was so glamorized. Like drinking seemed so cool. Oh, totally, totally didto. I'm right there with you. So I you've got, hold on, where do I want to go with this? Um, meditation. So your meditation practice, where did that start? Like, how did that come into your life?

SPEAKER_00 18:14

So I first got into yoga when I was pregnant with okay, do you remember Tom Quinn? You obviously practiced with Tom Quinn before, but I practiced with him, but didn't not connect and like, oh my god, it was Tom Quinn, like back in the day. Um, it was before I was pregnant with Asher. So it would have been like 15, 16 years ago at like a crunch gym downtown. And that would have been like one of my very first like yoga classes. And I was like, who's this guy? And he played like cool music, and and that was sort of my first, like, for it, like dipping my toes into yoga. And then I really got into it when I was pregnant with Asher. It was like, I was like, this is it, this is the end all be all. And I really loved it. And I did teacher training after Lillian was born, and I started teaching at a core power of fitness. Like that was like what I thought yoga was. I was like, this is awesome. And then we moved up into the North Shore of Chicago and I found Yoga View, and I took a teacher training all over again because it felt like such a different type of yoga. And that's when I really got into meditation. And even then, it was like I would be into it for like six months, and then I'd back off for a month or two. It was sort of like, you know, I'd be really good for then a couple weeks, and then I would like kind of forget about it. And then I'd say like three years ago, like right around COVID, I got really committed into it. And then it's a daily practice now, and I can count on one hand how many days I've missed in the past couple of years. That's great. Yeah, and it's not, I take it very casually. And so there are days where it will be, you know, 20 minutes, and there are days that it's 10 minutes, and someone comes and sits on my lap, or I have to I get interrupted. And I almost always do it first thing in the morning, but there are days that it doesn't happen and I get interrupted with the kids, and I have to do it when the kids go off to school and I come back and I sit on my meditation bolster then. But I there's almost never a day that goes by that I don't, you know, get my meditation practice in. And it really has been the thing that I think has kept me the most grounded and you know, really changed everything. Like I I think about it, like I don't think this, and this is gonna sound extreme, but it's really not like I don't think had I been met not meditating, I don't think I would have gotten sober. And I think had I not gotten sober, we never would have moved to California. And I never would have been created like my online business the way I had. Like a lot of things happened because of this snowball effect that meditation sort of opened up for me, which sounds dramatic. That like sitting on a bolster for 15 minutes is gonna change your life. I you know, there are a lot of women who I work with, who I help meditations with, or get them into a regular meditation practice. And so often I get like, it's not really doing anything. I don't feel it, I don't get it. And I think meditation is just one of those things where it doesn't really affect you or you don't notice the effects until it's been a period of time. Like it it grows, it builds on each other. So it's not like something you can drop in for a day and then forget about. So I think all those years when I wasn't seeing a difference is because it wasn't, I wasn't consistent with it. And so I always tell people now who are wanting to start a meditation practice. I'm like, I want you to think about it, whatever's realistic for you that you can be consistent with every day. Cause the more consistent you are, even if it's just five minutes, you can feel that impact building. What you don't want is the like dab in here, dab in there. So that's really the thing that's kind of like changed sort of everything for me.

SPEAKER_02 21:13

I think that meditation is difficult for Americans to wrap their heads around. Yeah. And I I'm not saying this from like, I know a bunch of Canadians or whatever, but I think that there's there's no money in it, you know, like, or there's not like you don't you don't have pay to meditate and you can just do it. And we want to be told what to do. And there and there's all these things, like I had to start doing meditation with doing guided meditation. That was my yeah, that was first, and I and I'm still, I still will do guided meditation. I do a guided meditation with this with Rangini, who's this, this, this amazing lady in Mexico every Sunday morning. I do an hour long guided meditation with this woman Ringini. And then I but I I think that it's for the longest time I thought I was doing it wrong. Like I would find myself judging my my thoughts and being like, How come I don't get this? And why am I why can't I get it? And even that's getting it. You know, like a hundred percent. Because you're still inside of yourself. It's Being in the moment, like even sitting here going, I don't get it, I don't get it. You're actually meditating because you're only you're not like making a list in your head or thinking about that conversation you had earlier. You're still inside of it. And and I do believe that when I when my life gets off, it's because I stopped doing it every morning.

SPEAKER_00 22:16

Yeah, yeah. I couldn't agree. I couldn't agree with you more. And I think the number one piece of feedback I always get from women is like, I can't do it or it's not working. I don't know how to, I'm not good at it, as if it's something that again, like we can measure ourselves or judge ourselves on. That like a meditation, I try to explain to people like there are plenty of meditations. I just had one this morning. I was literally thinking about every single thing I had to do. And told me years ago would have been like that doesn't count. It, you know, I was doing a bad job. And I'm like, that's just the practice today. That's literally just the practice today. And it was more of the awareness of wow, you have a lot on your mind, your anxiety is really high. Take good care of yourself. We gotta figure some things out. Like we gotta adjust things. And so it's just even that awareness of like, oh, my mind was racing today. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 22:57

No judgment or and the fact that your brain was racing, you might be like, you know, maybe I should go good, go to acupuncture, you know, and then all of a sudden you're kind of thinking about ways to make yourself feel better.

SPEAKER_00 23:07

But I think that you're you're right in saying that there isn't, I don't know if it's because I think there's no money in it is something, I don't know what it is, but I agree with you in that comment about we like things that like we have to, someone else is holding us accountable. Let me pay you X amount of money. You tell me what to do, give me the program in 30 days. Tell me I'm gonna feel different. And instead, this is one of those things where it's like there's no equipment needed, there are no excuses. Like there's really it's a very vulnerable experience because to say you can't do it is like to say, like, I don't know how to breathe. Like anyone, of course you can do it. You just don't want to do it. And it's the showing up in that daily commitment to yourself that's really hard to honor.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Well, and I think I mean, I think that it's I mean, maybe meditation is just the idea of a daily is being disciplined in something. Okay, I'm trying to form this thought as I'm but like yesterday on Twitter, I there was somebody like what's a habit you've picked up that has made your life better? And you know, it was it was, you know, the gamut of you know drinking water every day or quitting drinking, or you know, but meditation and journaling were the two things that I mean, there were probably a thousand responses to this. And I would say that half of them were meditation and journaling.

SPEAKER_03 24:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

And everybody said it it has to be consistent, you have to do it every day. Yeah. And I think that when we think about like what meditation is, and it goes back, you know, thousands of years, and every every civilization, like every, you know, the loci of, you know, the Mesopotamians and the Indians, and you know, every even Christianity with prayer, like that's all a version of meditation. And so it's weird that like every single what is the word I'm looking for? Menopause, man, it's a bitch.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

Like the civilizations, the groups, the people. I don't know. Every civilization has had some form of whether it's meditation or prayer, something that's a daily commitment, a daily ritual. And it really is. That really is what meditation is. It's that daily ritual and commitment to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

I remember I was reading an article, uh, an interview with Sting, and he, this was back when I was judging meditation, being like, How good could it possibly be? There's no way it actually works. Only condescending jerks do you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:01

Totally.

SPEAKER_02 25:01

Um, and he's like, you know, he's like, I meditate all the time. And like, you know, I'll be at the stoplight at like Fifth Avenue in Park and I'll just meditate while the light's changing. And I'm like, fuck you, man. They're not meditating. And I'm like, now I'm like, yes, sting was right. And I think about it a lot. Like I think about sting, meditating on that corner, and I'm like, you know, just going into yourself and just giving yourself a moment of like grounding yourself is like, yes, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 25:24

And I think, you know, I get a lot of, I would get a lot of feedback from women when they're starting this of like, oh, can walking be a form of meditation? Can poetry, can this, this is a form of meditation? And I always think like, yes, of course, yes, but it's yes, and I think you still have to show up on your bolster every day. You still have to show up on your mat every day. And then you have those opportunities when you're sitting in a stoplight that you can say, okay, I can turn inward because you it's easy, it's much easier to like to find that grounding at a red stoplight. But I sometimes I feel like it's easy for, at least I have found for people to want to replace the work of sitting on a bolster for 10 minutes or of 20 minutes or whatever, sitting on your your cushion, your seat, and replace it with like, well, when I'm out in nature, I don't walk, it's meditating. And I think like it can be, sure. And you still have to show up on your bolster. And so is 20 minutes what your goal is every day? I that's what feels the best for me. So, and it's a it's nice for me. I find that if I do it first thing in the morning and I'm I'm an early riser and I like to get up and just get it done with. Um, yeah, it feels really good. 20 minutes is a good amount for me. And right now I just do it unguided, and if that feels good for me, but that doesn't mean a month from now it won't be different. And I try to be really gray about some of that of like it's gonna evolve and change depending on what's going on in my life. And right now that's what feels really good. So you lead a meditation group.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:41

What it like so tells it.

unknown 26:43

That's it.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Yeah. So it started after COVID, the year after COVID. I would share online. So I started a food blog years ago. Went to culinary school, never, I worked in a kitchen for a little bit and then, but had kids right away, and I made zero money in a kitchen. My babysitters cost more than I was making. And so I stayed home with the kids. And after my fourth was born, I was like, I need something, but I couldn't go back into a kitchen, it just didn't make sense. And JP was traveling all the time. So I started a food blog, and I was like, that's gonna be great. And I'm just gonna write about food, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'll be honest, it was really fun. It was never meant to make any money. It was just a creative outlet. I needed to do something with myself. And as that sort of grew, I would share other parts of my life. And post-COVID, I started sharing. I'd show myself in the morning meditating, and I'd get so many questions. Nobody gave a shit about all the salad I was making. Everyone's like, so why are you meditating? Like, tell me. Can we talk more about that? And so I really found that people are craving something to get reconnected with themselves. I feel like right now, more than ever, we are all living really disconnected from ourselves. And I think we're all like craving this homecoming to our own bodies. And we were raised in a world that's just detached, detached. And it was like fill your emotions with whether it's overscheduling yourself, whether it's overworking, whether it's over consuming food, wine, whatever it may be. None of we really were never taught, at least I was not taught, any coping mechanisms to like get back to my body. And so I found that what women were really curious about, you know, like what is it doing? What's the benefit? And so I opened it up and said, Would anyone want to meditate with me? And I was just really overwhelmed right away with the response of how many women said, Yes, I will meditate with you for, and I just said, Let's do it for the super casual, like, let's just do it for 30 days and see how it goes. And the response was overwhelming with the amount of women who felt like how many? So we had 60 women sign up for. Oh my God. You know, it was rant. It was like, I was like, you don't really have to do that. I can't be like, you don't have to do this. And you're like, you know, like, we want to do this. And I was like, you're also like, am I qualified to do this? Like 100%. And then I was realizing I don't have to be qualified. All I'm doing is offering them a space. And all I'm doing is saying, we're all accountable and I'm gonna do it, and so you're gonna do it. And let's all keep each other accountable. And I think that, especially that first round, everyone was really committed. Because again, I think people wanted something. It was post-COVID. It was this feeling of like wine certainly isn't doing it. I can't work out anymore, there's no diet, but like something in my life has to fix. And it was starting to realize like, well, the answers it aren't all these things out here, out there. The answers are just literally right here within me, it's just getting quiet. And, you know, people had commented, like, my marriage is totally different, my parenting is different, I'm changing jobs because of this now. I realized I want to move so many things opened up for women. And so I said, we have to do it again. We have to keep doing it. And so we did five more rounds of it. And it was each round with different groups of dynamics of women. It's been wonderful. I'm taking a break right now. I'm taking actually a little social media hiatus too. I'm just taking a little pause, but we'll definitely be back leading more of these because it just, hey, it really filled my soul of like, I feel like what I was called to share. Not in any way as like an expert of just like, this is how it's changed my life. Let me share with you what's worked for me because I think we need it. When you say you're doing rounds, like it's just like every day where you just we just meet on Zoom. So it would be they would just last for four weeks. So we would all agree to whatever the parameters were, but it would be for four weeks we would do a group. A group would stay together, like a little container. And so I don't have a session right now of women that I am leading right now. So right now we have we're not offering anything.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

But is it what it was though? Is like, do they just meet every morning on Zoom for 30 minutes?

SPEAKER_00 30:09

Or was what was the there was a platform that we had a lot of guided meditations on, whether it'd be video and audio meditations, you could list it on your own. And we did, we met via Zoom once a week. And then we meet on Instagram live, and I would do live meditations on IG Live, and then every day people would send me their photos in the mornings of like I meditated, here's my picture, here's me. So it was just like an accountability check. So there were like a couple different components of it, but they could really do it sort of like on their own. There wasn't a set time like you had to be someplace every day. So you could use the video or audio meditations on your own whenever you wanted, or meditate on your own. You just had to check in and be like, I did it for today. Check, can I get my check for the day? Um and it was it was great. I think just having that accountability really is what um people were lacking and sort of missing. And I think also the dynamics of being on Zoom with a community of people who aren't your neighbor, you don't have kids in the same class. It would be women from all over the country who didn't know each other all walks of life, of saying, I'm I have everything in the world that I could possibly want. I've got a husband, you know, a partnership that I love, and I'm happy in my job, and I've got kids, and yet I'm still really unhappy. And so many women could relate to that story of, yeah, I'm just not fulfilled and I'm in my mid-40s and I don't know what it is that I'm searching for, but I'm clearly searching for something. And then at the end of the four weeks, sort of finding, oh, I think the thing I was missing is me and feeling that sense of homecoming to themselves. I was really, really powerful. And doing it in a way that felt non-threatening, and you know, you weren't gonna run in you weren't gonna run into the person at the grocery store after you just cried to them. So you know, there's something really powerful about that of like being seen, but in a way that feels safe.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

That's amazing. And that you were just, I mean, just that you started it by like, oh, I'm just gonna open up Instagram and see if anybody cares, and then 60 people care. And it's like, that's insane. Like that you get, you know, it's a lesson on, you know, follow your heart. Like if you feel like something is there, there's something there.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

And I think that was going back to then not to connect this to the move to California or to even to like the sobriety of these things, but a lot of these decisions sort of happen after that program had such great success in the beginning. And it really taught me of like, you don't have to know how you're gonna do it. When I first said, Do you want to meditate with me? I didn't know how to sell stuff online. I had no idea like this via Zoom. Like none of the logistics were figured out, like none of it made any sense to me. Like, I have no idea how we're gonna do this. But I think the thing I found out is that when you're doing something um that's really aligned with your values and who you are and that feel that's really intentional and you're and you take like grounded action every day to make it happen, the universe sort of like gives you the answers. It sort of just like unfolds and opens up for you. And that was sort of the thing too, like when we decided to move, I'm like, I think I'm gonna move. Let's do it. And I was like, I'm gonna trust that the universe is gonna show me how to do this. It's gonna present itself, it's gonna work itself out. And I think that that program sort of was one of those things of I didn't have to have the answers, and I'm so glad I didn't go in being like, we're gonna do X, Y, and Z. Does anyone want to come do it with me? It was more just like, I don't really know, but my intention is this that this is the feeling I want you to get. And then I let all of my actions come from that feeling. I mean, that's any sense. I don't think that as I say that, I'm like, does that even make sense?

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Well, it's I mean, I think what it is is, and I think that's one of the things that's kind of going on in the world with just all the upheaval that's happening right now. And you know, everything just feels kind of icky and weird in the world. Like I feel like we used to kind of be more fabric-y, you know, we were all kind of together more and there was less division. And it was, I think that when we everything started getting kind of icky, like post, you know, 9-11, people kind of went into themselves more because you didn't know who you could trust. And you know, you didn't you didn't want to know how people thought because you didn't want to have to dislike them because they were different from you. They were a Republican or a Democrat, whatever your whatever your thing is. And when you I think when we and then we lose our villages, we don't, it's hard to raise a kid because you you feel guilty. You look like a bad parent if you ask for help or whatever, all these things. It's like it's a very fucked up time, as if I know anything else. But I it feels very fucked up. It is. It is. And I think that we're like you said, we're craving connection. We're craving like I've got a partner, a house, a kid, a dog. I don't know why I don't feel anything. And it's because, you know, we're so programmed to just buy things or whatever. And it's like meditation, it just makes you go inside yourself and, you know, maybe even begin to like yourself. Because Lord knows as women, we get messages all the time. You're not enough, you're not pretty enough, you're not. I mean, I spend so much time. If I could add up all the time I spend thinking about how fat I am, I could fuel the yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:33

The first 40 years of my life I spent hating myself, not even knowing that that's what I was doing. I didn't know that I was hating myself, but that's what I was doing. And it's just because that's what I was taught to do. And that's what I saw around me. And that's what every woman I knew was doing. We were all putting ourselves down. We were all, you know, like in our own way, like not good enough. And I think you see all of these people around you, just going back to what you said about, you know, I I think and I look around now and it can be so easy. And that's one of the reasons I'm actually taking a break from social media. It's so easy to see swarms of people around you who have the partner, who have the house, who have the this, and they're vacationing, and they look happy. And I know, I know deep down that a majority of those people are still going to bed at night, putting their head on the pillow, being like, I feel like shit. Or like, what didn't I do today? Or like, I didn't do this well, or I stabbed at my kids, and like we're going to bed with these hearts that are so heavy, no matter how beautiful it looks on the outside. And I don't know how we get, like, I don't have the answers of how we get back or how we, because I don't think we've actually ever been to the place of say how we get back. Because I don't know that we've ever been to the place of where uh how we feel on the inside is how we present on the outside, and that those two worlds, like how we're showing up in the world, the maneuvering in the world, is actually how we show up. I think, and this is going on a tangent, so forgive me, but I think we are so used to asking people like, how are you? And everyone's like, fine. And I loved it earlier when I asked you, like, how are you? And you did not say fine. And I think we go around and just assuming that we're fine. And so we think everybody else is fine. And in deep down, we're like, but I'm actually not fine. And I think just the fact that we live in a world where that's the accepted phrase, default is crazy. Because I'm like, how is anybody fine?

SPEAKER_02 36:08

Yeah, please tell me you're not because I'm not. Yeah, well, and sometimes I'm great. Like I sometimes I'm great, but usually I'm not. And that's the thing that sucks. I wish I was fine. I wish I was fine more than I'm not fine. And I wish I was because you know what's so crazy is after I got back from Panama, I remember when I was in Panama, even saying to Amy, my best friend, I was on the trip with, like, I feel good for the first time in years. Like it was like I felt like like I actually felt like I was in control of things and that I knew what was happening and I was so happy. And I got back from Panama and I was so happy. And then I had a bunch of terrible work things kind of dumped on me like right away after I got back, and I was like, it's fine. I actually can handle these things. Like, yeah, and then eventually the high of that wore off. And it's like, wow, I've just been chasing that happy high. Like I hadn't felt it in so long. So, like, I'm gonna figure it out. Yeah. Because I want to be happier all the time.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

I know, right? I felt that same way coming up from Panama. It was a little bit of like, I almost like it was like almost like a little bit of a crash. I mean, it sounds like yours was a little bit more sustained, like you felt good for a little bit longer. But it would be wonderful to be able to set up our lives that that's we can recreate that same feeling in our everyday life. Cause I think that would be so powerful. And what an amazing, you know, I look at the legacy I'm leaving for my kids or just what I'm trying to teach them. I'm like, I hope that they grow up in a world or can see that they set themselves up and have the tools to be able to take care of themselves in a different way, in a healthier way than I learned. Because I think we're gonna hopefully this next generation set up for a little more just genuine like peace and contentment and ease and to move through their days without feeling this like I'm gonna just say the word anxiety because I don't know what else to call it, but this like pull at their hearts to just like live in a way that feels like easeful and content and peaceful would be just such a well, and it's I think it's hard to, you know, I when I try to figure out because I'm at the you know, we're both roughly the same, it's like hard to be in your mid forties this year.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

Well, it's not hard. I mean, it's I feel like this is a great, I feel like I feel better with myself mentally in my 40s than I any other one, because I just feel like I know myself better and I know what I will put up with and what I won't put up with, etc. But I'm also kind of wondering like what does it all mean? You know, having the like you know, and you know, kind of really going like, how do how come everything like this can't be what the world, like this is what life is. Like you get made to be a human on the earth to just, you know, be fine and then sometimes miserable and have brief flashes of happiness and then die. Like that can't just be what this is. Yeah. And you know, I I I would like to get to a point where like I feel like so much of advertising is engineered towards making us feel like shit about ourselves so we can buy the things so that we feel better about ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 38:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 38:39

And we're constantly being fed with ads all the time.

SPEAKER_00 38:42

Is that why we feel like shit all the time? Yeah, I mean, I think that's a huge part of it. I think social media also plays a huge part in it. You know, I think social media is a beautiful, beautiful tool. I really do. And I think it can be really used for good. And I think all these things are like in and of themselves are not inherently good or bad, but the way that they're used, and I will tell you, I definitely notice that I feel a difference. Like when I go on social, there'll be moments where I'm like, okay, so now I definitely like need to intermittent fast differently. Long bra. I need eye cream. I need to get this course on SEO to help my blog. Like I clearly am not doing the right pelvic floor exercises. Oh, yeah. So I feel like I'm like, oh my God, I'm so exhausted. And I just opened my phone and my my to-do list now just grew. I clearly don't know, don't know anything about anything.

SPEAKER_02 39:25

Wait, so do you take like whole social media breaks like you won't even open it for days?

SPEAKER_00 39:29

I don't think I've been on. I mean, I will check here or there, but I took the app off my phone about a month ago. Which one? Well, I so I was really only on Instagram. I don't, I don't, I'm not on Twitter, although I would happily, my husband's like, you need to get on Twitter, it's so much better.

SPEAKER_02 39:43

It was, but I mean, there's a huge difference between after Elon took over, like it's just not the same.

SPEAKER_00 39:49

Yeah, that's all that I have. I don't have any other social media things. I they don't know. And my kids aren't on them yet, thank goodness. But definitely all of their friends are, both my oldest two. All that they're, I think, one of the only people that we know who aren't in that age bracket, which is also really scary.

SPEAKER_02 40:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:06

Yeah. That's that's a whole nother conversation for another day.

SPEAKER_02 40:09

Yeah, it's a terrible conversation. I mean, I the things I I mean, I let my son watch YouTube and I'm bad about it. I it's like the thing where I'm like, this is where this is like this is where my bad parents, like I just let them watch YouTube and what's different though. It's not, it isn't, it isn't. Like, I I mean I'm I kind of I mostly know what he's watching. It's just I'm afraid that there's like subliminal messages getting in there that are like, you know, yeah, razor blades and your eyeballs are cool or something. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Like, oh my gosh, Mary, I love you. Do you remember when razor blades and like used like Halloween candy was like a thing people would look for? I'm like, wait, do people still I would still like check my kids' candy for razor blades? Like, yeah, what are you doing? I'm like, people put razor blades and things, and they're like, Mom, I don't think they ever did that. I'm like, no, they did. They did.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

Yeah, no, they it was definitely a thing. We all we all felt it. I also like here last year, there was a lot of alarm that people were putting weed edibles into kids' candy. And I'm like, the fuck they are.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

There would be like a lot of effort in giving away stuff that they want with why would they do that?

SPEAKER_02 41:03

And they're real, it's really expensive too. Like, and you're never gonna see the results of it because no parents gonna let their kid eat loose candy and they don't individually drap like wrap an edible. Oh my gosh, that's hysterical. So that was a thing.

SPEAKER_00 41:14

Like talked about that's so funny.

SPEAKER_02 41:16

Yeah, like it was on the news and it was like, oh, there's that's not even that's the most manufactured crisis that I've ever heard. They were low on stories for the night. Exactly, exactly. I also started, I've gone and seen uh Ann Ann Wildman a few times.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_02 41:30

Or Westfall. What's her name? Yeah, I knew you were I knew we were talking about. I knew who you were talking about. Do you feel do you want to share? Um, sure. I mean, it's uh so Anne was a but was some guru person that Ant that Katie had told me about.

SPEAKER_00 41:41

Intuitive, intuitive healer, intuitive.

SPEAKER_02 41:43

Yeah, an intuitive healer. Yes, intuitive healer. That's what she is. She's an intuitive healer. Right, yes. And I got a lot of crazy peace from her. I mean, like it was like she. I mean, I guess talking about like just people like her in general, like it's kind of like a like people that have a mystical bent to them or figure out that they've got these skills. Like, like even Channy Nicholas, the astrologer, you know, like listening with who you introduced me to. I had now my I had I've I'm a paid on the app. I look at it every day.

SPEAKER_00 42:10

Like, I owe Katie Rexy now I just talked to and last fall. I've got a technical piano. You're like, I have so many things I have to do now, which is what I know.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

You really would say well, and it's funny because every morning when I'm meditating, I think to myself, I know Katie does 20 minutes and then she journals. And I'm like, I'm not meditating long enough. I need to like have a session with Katie where she tells me what she does so that I can do it. Like it's like this weird, like so funny. But I do. I literally think about you almost every day when I'm meditating. Oh, yeah. Which I think is be a great thing for you to like, that's like that's a good connection. It's not like I'm like, oh, I'm eating my you know, fifth piece of pizza. Let me think about Katie. No, I love it.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

No, I love Anne. I love Anne. She was really helpful for me post hysterectomy. She did, she was really helpful for like how? So I didn't really understand. And I and this is way too. Why don't you go back and go to like why would why'd you get a hysterectomy? Okay, so I'm 44 and never once in my life did anyone say to me, You were probably gonna need a hysterectomy. Like that was never on my radar. Like that's never been something that was about. Me neither. Right. Um, and I there's a new book out, it's called Womb. I cannot remember the author, so I'm I'll text it to you, but um, and you can maybe put it in your show notes or something. I don't know why I just told you what to do. I'm like, and you can put it in your show notes. I love it. But it was a really great book, and the author in there was saying that right now, and it just came out that the statistics for hysterectomies are one in every three women by the age of 60 will have her uterus removed, which Mary, it's very high. That is a very high number. That's insane. Why? Why are we getting her hysterectomies? So I think so many reasons. So the book goes into like huge details about like what the thought is around it, but really it's sort of like it's become just kind of the go-to for like if something wrong in your uterus post four, it's like just have a hysterectomy. And you know, so many women now are having, and I don't know how the statistics on it, like I don't know what the different things that people are having, but whether it's endometriosis or fibroids or masses or like just bad periods. And they're really for Western medicine, you know, it's kind of just like, it is what it is. At least that's what I've been told for so long. And I can't really speak to my story, but from so many other women who reached out to me post-hystre hydrectomy of like, that's sort of what I've been told too, is like past 40, if you have an issue, it's like, let's just remove it. And so I had had a pretty bad fibroid that I had removed about a year ago and didn't think anything of it, moved out to California and was just having a lot of complications and my hormones were off and I couldn't figure out why. And I went in um and had a quick ultrasound, a new OB. And really, I went only went into this OB because in order to get put on hormone replacement therapy, I had to have a mammogram. And to get a mammogram, you have to have a doctor. So I was like, motherfucker. So I went into this OB really just to get like, so I could get my prescription. And she's like, You shouldn't be bleeding this much. Let's do a really quick ultrasound. So we did a super quick ultrasound, and she's like, You have a mass the size of a small lemon in your uterus. And I was like, What? Man, is it my fifth child? I was like, Wait, what? And she's like, Yeah, you have to have it. And she was immediately like, you really don't have any other options besides you have to have a hysterectomy. And I will be honest with you, I had had a biopsy done on my uterus on a fibroid the year before. And this is the second biopsy that I had done in a matter of 12 months. And I had said to my husband, like, I don't want to mess around with this anymore. Like, let's just take it out. But I was definitely under the guise of no big deal, you'll just have it taken out and you'll be fine. And I will tell you, I woke up from that surgery, couldn't stop crying. And it wasn't because I was in pain. I was like, oh my God, what's wrong with me? I feel like a different person, completely different person. I felt like a completely different person. And I know myself pretty well, and I'm a pretty grounded, stable person. Like it takes a lot to throw me. I'm pretty like straight and so I knew something was off right away. And every story from the like after the hysterectomy you started crying. Yeah, it was just because you could you could feel like the lack of whatever the bad thing it was doing to you. And I'm just gonna call it a womb space that includes like all the different parts, right? So your womb carries really like the essence of who you are. And I didn't understand that surgically removing that organ would also make me energetically feel totally different. But it really was a much more emotional experience than I was expecting. And I'm starting to understand now from just people who all of a sudden come out of the woodworks when I share that I had a hysterectomy. So many women came like me too. I'm just gonna give you a heads up that you might be a little, you might be a little blue. Things are gonna be weird. It'll it'll balance out. And I will say hormonally, I feel like I've I've balanced out, but there definitely is still this piece. And and then I I worked with Ann Westfall, who did a little bit to help me of like reconnecting as if um your womb was still there. So I've done a lot of for about a month or so there, I did every day a womb meditation on just like healing my womb space, even though it was gone, of just like really like like creating energetically seeing that still being whole and intact, and then really reconnecting with my children because again, like our connection to our kids is like from that space, from that um, from that area. And I will tell you the thing that was hard is not necessarily hard, but I wasn't prepared for is I have been in a million and one different doctor's offices, as I'm sure you have too. And I have read every single brochure from like, you need to get this for this, and you need to do this, and every single amount of after having four kids, I think I've been to the doctors like a hundred plus times. And never once did someone say to me, you know, the odds are you'll probably have a hysterectomy at some point because of fibroids or because of endometriosis. And I feel like I was not prepared. And then the aftercare is just not there. It is just like send you on your way, you'll be fine. And I think the thing that's really scary is I think about like, I don't mean to turn this into a gender thing, but if one of them do it. Well, I will say, like, if one in every three men were walking around with their balls cut off, we'd be having a conversation about this. Yes. And so I think the conversation is like, A, how are we getting to this point that so many of us have uteruses that are bleeding, that are having class that are happening? Is it that's happening? And why aren't we getting answers so that these are preventable? And then B, how is the only answer just remove the organ that makes you women? And how that organ is so highly, it's just controversial. It's like not a part, it's not needed. You know what I mean? And that just Well, especially after you're 40. If you if you're not there to make kids anymore, it is not needed. Yeah, you know, and I think the thing is, is there's such a taking of a woman's power when that organ is taken out. And I really do feel like it is a thing about power and creativity and energy, all this stuff. Like you're taking away the essence of a woman. And I know that there are many women who could say, like, I'm fine. I had a hysterectomy a decade ago and I'm fine. And yes, I'm sure there are many women who are fine, but I'm gonna just speak for the majority who I feel like probably aren't fine post-hysterectomy, of like there has to be a better answer. So wait, do you regret taking it out? I don't regret taking it out. I saw the picture of the mass post-surgery, and it was Mary, it literally was like looking at like a huge white mass. And I will say there's not an ounce of me that feels regret because God forbid that that turned into something else. I my health with and being alive, you know, I don't take it for granted. I wish I would have had an option that we didn't get to that point that that mask grew to that size and that that would have been preventable. And I'm not angry, maybe a little angry that it wasn't, I wasn't more prepared. I that there wasn't literature out there, that there wasn't books, there weren't blogs, there weren't no one on Instagram, out of all the things I listen to, no one on Instagram is like, so 40 a hysterectomy. I'm like, where are all the other 40 year olds who are having hysterectomies? Because I know they're out there.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

And I just not talked about. I mean, it's and it's you know, it's it's kind of it's how all women's health I feel like is dealt with because like I have a lot of, you know, and maybe you're this way. I'm like I'm the kind, well, and I don't think you are, but I'm the kind of person where I have to know everything that's happening to me. Like when I'm with the dentist, I'm like, what's that thing gonna do? Like I like, I need to know everything that happens to me. And like, you know, when you're going, when you're when you are pregnant, like I was, I mean, I only was pregnant once that I took a 12-week long childbirth class and I had to do like I was like, you know, very like I wanted to know everything. And a lot of people don't feel that way. They're like, ugh, I just was like, whatever he says to do, I'm just gonna do it. And it's like when you, when you surrender that knowledge, then you it's it's hard to get it back. Like I think a lot of people just kind of accept it as like the answer. And I think also there's like, you know, if you complain about it, you're less of a woman. Like if you have if you don't totally love child being a mom, you're an asshole. Or if so no one talks about the fact that sometimes it sucks being a mom. Or, you know, like I had a hysterectomy and I was fine. It's like, well, okay, well, were you? Yeah, but you sound pretty defensive about it.

SPEAKER_00 50:41

No, for sure. Or like miscarriages, or women who don't want to have children, right? Like so many issues around being a woman and especially our reproductive organs and how they're used or how we feel about them is still to this day in 2020, like kind of off the table and sort of taboo. And it makes me really sad. And you know, I've been really vocal with my kids about my experience with my hysterectomy. And I would say to Lillian, like, I hope you do everything you can that you, when you are in your 80s, that you still have your uterus in you. And so, like, you need to fight to like have these kinds of conversations with your doctor at an earlier age.

SPEAKER_02 51:16

What do you think would have been like, what do you think, not to make you the reason why, like blame you for this, but what do you think you could have done differently? Or what do you think you should have done, or what do you think someone should have done to you that would have prevented this from happening?

SPEAKER_00 51:27

You know, I'm not really sure, but when I had my fibroid removed, I was back when I was still living in Chicago right before we moved. I think then that I didn't push hard enough to be like, why is it there? Why do I have fibroids? And I think this whole thing of like fibroids or endometriosis is just so no one asked questions like why or what could we do to prevent it? It's just sort of like, well, it's so common, right? Everything, you know, bleed, I was bleeding horribly for years and had complained about I was anemic and a lot of my hormones are messed up for the amount of blood that I was losing every month. And, you know, that was just told that's just normal. And I think sometimes just because things happen to a lot of us, that it's assumed that that's just the way it is. And I wish that more women spoke up to be like, yeah, my periods are crazy heavy. I can't leave the house for two days or I'm also anemic, and that we kind of pushed back a little bit on Western medicine. That's there could be some. I don't know why we're not doing any research. Like, why are so many women having fibroids? And why are we having endometriosis? And why are women bleeding horrifically? I don't know like what I could have done differently, other than I just wish I would have pushed a little harder to have gotten more answers. I think I just took whatever they said to be like, okay. So last year before we moved, I'd had that removed. It's called the myomectomy, is the name of the procedure. And I think I was just like, okay, sure. And I was like, I'll be fine, no big deal. And you know, I didn't really understand, like, well, a fiber will come right back. And it just grows right back and it comes back stronger and bigger. Oh, really? I mean, I at least mine did from my experience. My fiber was not that big. And then all of a sudden I had this mass that was, you know, the size of a level. You know, so it's like, huh. So that's like it was protruding. I was like, I was like, my stomach was really big and bloated, right? It's fine, it's fine. Just you need to eat better, eat more protein.

SPEAKER_02 53:16

I'm like, You're like, but I but I've got a four-month-old tumor inside of me. It's like the size of a four-month-old fetus.

SPEAKER_00 53:22

You know, I feel like the only advice I've ever been given around like not feeling my best has been eat more protein and lift weights. And just don't eat after seven o'clock. I was like, what? So, you know, I don't know. And just like wear bigger, get better tampons. Like, that's been sort of like the only advice I've been given by the medical community. So here I am.

SPEAKER_02 53:41

Maybe it's maybe it's like scented tampons are what makes them happen or something like what was it all my tampons that made this vibrant happen?

SPEAKER_00 53:49

I don't know. You know, here I am, a uterus gone later. And I feel if anything, this is sort of like woken up something in me to sort of fight for women's rights more. And it's, you know, along with like sharing about my meditation journal, now this will be a new part of me that's like, you know, post-40, women's health is clearly not being discussed as much as it should be. And I am in no way about to go into like late 40s and 50s and being like, this is as good as it gets, because it's gotta be better than this. And we all deserve better than this. And I think we're a forgotten group, and it's not okay by me. So it's if it's definitely fueled something in me. I my my fire has been stoked. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:26

Well, I think if you're able to make meditation, like make this meditation, I see that you could do something even if you decided to. There would be a lot of them, or people that are like, you know, I mean, like my little sister, and I'm sorry, Robin, I'll be mad. I'm bringing you up, but like she has like really weird periods, not weird, but very heavy. She's always had really heavy periods, and like and it's like, and I bet her doctors never really question too terribly much about it. And it's just like, well, it's just sort of the deal.

SPEAKER_00 54:54

And it's like, no, and I hate saying this, but I don't want her to be one of those women, like a decade from now, like it's having her uterus taken out, you know. It's like because clearly someone knows like her periods are abnormal right now, right? Like that's something going on, and there should be gotta fight to get better answers, whether it's like more research and like funding for this, but it feels not good enough. No, it's not. So we're kind of at time.

SPEAKER_02 55:16

We I feel like we can just no, no, we can just keep doing this. No, but so your your situation is closed right now. Do you have a name?

SPEAKER_00 55:24

What's the name of your program? It was called Reset and Restore, but I don't know what this next iteration will be called if we change it up, but that's what it was called. But you can always you find me on katyrexing.com and I always have like the latest information of any offerings that are going on there.

SPEAKER_02 55:38

You also have a really good newsletter. And I like that it's and I like that it's not like that it's not spammy and it's not like every day. Like I like that it's when it pops up, I'm like, oh, this is one of the few ones I'll actually read.

SPEAKER_00 55:48

Oh, thank you. I was actually just working on one for this weekend. I don't know if I'm gonna finish it in time, but it's a little lengthy about moving and all this kind of stuff. But thank you. I really enjoy those. I like sending out those. So thank you. So, how can people find you? So KatieRexing.com and then Katie Rexing at Instagram, and I'll be back on it soon. I'll be back there soon. And that's really it. Those two places are the best way to find me. And you can listen if you have questions or anything, like people, I almost I always answer any of my um questions via the blog. So if you have any questions or anything pops up, like you can always find me on the blog. And I love connecting with women like via email or via the blog. It's just such a great way versus Instagram. It feels like a better way to connect. Yeah, I'm always happy to get messages there. Don't slide into your DMs. Is that what you're saying? I mean, you can, but I feel like we can have a lengthier conversation so you know over on the blog.

SPEAKER_02 56:40

Perfection. Well, Katie, thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 56:42

This has been amazing. Thank you, Mary. This was so fun. I always love chatting with you. I didn't know what to expect. And of course, it was so fun. I'm like, it's also have a couple good laughs, we'll, you know, just catch up. So it was so nice. So thank you so much. I loved it.

SPEAKER_02 56:58

Thanks for listening to All of the My Lady Business with me, Mary Macy. Uh, we'd love for you to like, review, subscribe, follow us at All of the My Lady Business on the Gram. And if you're a female identifying person and you want to dance, you can follow. I mean, everybody can follow us, but if you want to be a part of the magic at Hot Flash Dance Party, sign up for the news to find out where our next party's gonna be. And if you are looking for a DJ in the Chicago and area or anywhere else, you know, money's the same color everywhere. Buy us out. TokyamTJ.com has the best. And listen to my radio show. I have a radio show on Chirp Radio at chirpradio.org. That's Mondays, every Monday from 12th. Today's episode is produced by Giraffe Data Feel Song, composed and performed by the guest at Giraff Data. All right, guys, peace out.