Whose Podcast is This With Ashley Quinto Powell

SPEAKER_02 0:14

My business is your business. It's all of in my lady business with me. Very easy. All right, guys, we are on All of In My Lady Business today with Ashley Quinto Powell. And you've done this, but you've been on before, right? Yeah. This is when we first met. Yeah, this is your uh your second, your second uh foray into the Blady Business. And I'm uh I'm psyched you wanted to come back. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Very, I think you're like the coolest person I know.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Uh do you live in the bottom of a cardboard box? I'm just kidding. Um don't. Or live in a pretty cool place. You're still pretty cool. Um you know what? Why? Why am I the coolest person you know? Okay, well, first. Instead of me just going, no, you're wrong, you're stupid. Maybe I should accept the compliment and actually ask why you why you maybe think that and maybe debate you on that. Yeah, well, don't debate me on that, first of all.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Second of all, uh you talk about things other people don't want to talk about, which I think is pretty fierce. Also, I remember telling you that um one of the things I like to say to um new moms is that right boob though, right? Just as a always uh like your best producer. And you knew why. Actually at the time I was just saying that and I didn't know why. You knew why.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

It's because your heart's on that side of your body, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Yeah. I it's funny, I'm not on that side of your body. Yeah, exactly. It's the opposite. I I used to know everything about breastfeeding. It was like, like when I didn't get the birth I wanted, and and because I was a thousand years old when I gave birth, I kind of I knew somewhere inside of me that Sebastian was the only one. And uh I it made I made breastfeeding like my it was like the most important thing in the world. And oh my god, I was so obsessed with, but I also didn't feel like I could talk about it very much because so many women in my life did not have a very good breastfeeding experience, or they weren't, they just weren't advised correctly on how to, it's like you really need that village, you know? And the village doesn't exist, and you have to find the right person that you pay to tell you about the village that you, you know, and it's like I don't know. So I did there was a period of my life where I knew so much about breastfeeding. When you just said it, I'm like, I forgot wait, what side was, why is that? It was like kind of coming back to me. So um, but yeah, I'll never get to do that again. And but have you have you seen the show Margot's Got Money Problems? No. Have you heard about it? It's on Apple TV, and it has um Nick Offerman and uh L Fanning and Michelle Pfeiffer. And uh she plays a uh spoilers if you don't want to know about what's goes on in Margaret's Got Money Problems, but she uh she gets pregnant by she's fucking her brit her lit professor, who is this like weasley little dude and she's L Fanning. And so it's like a thing where like that guy could never get a girl that looks like that. Only reason why is because he was able to like shine her on you know her writing and that made her feel good. And she gets so she winds up getting pregnant and he wants nothing to do with her. And her dad is played by Nick Offerman, and he's a he's a pro wrestler who went into rehab and his her mom is Michelle Pfeiffer, and she's like kind of it's a really good show, but it's it's the most accurate representation of what it's like to have a newborn. Like I've never seen a show that really showed what breast they had really good prosthetics, or else either that or she's actually breastfeeding, because like she takes her boob out and like squeezes it and milk flies like onto a mirror. And I it was like I had almost a letdown, like like watching that, you know, like you know, like they were and I was like, I'm like, oh my god, oh my god, do I miss having an infant? Do I want to have a baby? I can't have a baby. My ovaries are tumbleweeds, and that was Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

You know, and and that's a weird thing. I don't, I really do not think that I could have a baby. And yet, rationally, I mean, rationally, I know I couldn't, I would not have a baby. I also don't want a baby. There's no reason. My 11 and my 13-year-old are no. They did it. I do not want to go back to babies ever. The diapers, the day we threw out the diaper snake was like the diaper genie where it creates a giant. Yeah, that was like one of the best days of my whole life. And the day we got rid of car seats from the car, these were huge milestones.

SPEAKER_02 4:29

I want to say that we destroyed my breast pump, like the like the the the printer in office space. Like I like that it was just not, it just wasn't. I'm I'm I'm glad I did it. I'm glad it's over. But it was really nice. I love this for you. All right.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

So what are you thinking about deeply, Mary?

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Whose podcast is this? Um who am I what am I thinking about deeply? Um, wow, that's an interesting question. I mean, I'm thinking a lot about how fucked up the world is right now and how hard it is to raise a child in it. And how like yesterday John and I were talking about uh Sebastian's like, you know, you're talking about how his grades are gonna start counting now. Like he's in the sixth grade, and it's like the last year before grades start happening that you have to start actually caring about to a certain degree. Like you're getting on the path that's gonna take you to whatever your the rest of your life is. And as I was, as those words were kind of coming out of my mouth to him in a sort of a disdainful, like, you better start caring about your grades because otherwise you're not gonna get into Stanford. As if that was like a thing. Is that the goal? No, I'm not sure that's the goal. No, it's brown. Come on, it's brown. Anyway, um uh safety school. Um, and I just was like, there isn't a world where like when he gets to college age that it's gonna look like what it looks like now. Like, you know, like I have these friends who all have kids that are like in like, you know, juniors and seniors in high school, and they have like college counselors that they pay to help them get their kid into college. And everybody gets them, apparently. Apparently it's a thing everybody does. And yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, I I don't know if I I don't know if I'll do that. Like, and I also don't know if it's necessary. Like, I don't feel like like AI, I don't know. I mean, the future seems really weird.

SPEAKER_00 6:10

Future does seem really weird, but I think like in the most beautiful way. I mean, I hope by the time and sixth grade is not that far away from college. It is just hitting me that because my tens and seventh, this is, I mean, we are like we're on a train that is not stopping towards high school graduation. Yeah, towards the rest of their life. Right, and it has felt like it's 20 years away for the last 13 years, and now it feels like it's but like do you think six months away?

SPEAKER_02 6:36

You know, so I I think I've mentioned this once before in the pod, so I apologize for repeating myself. But like I was on a like a vacation and I asked the 16-year-old boy like what he wanted to do for like when he grew up, like when he went like when he when he what do you want to do to be? And he goes, I want to be a businessman. And I was like, That's not a job. Businessman is not a job. Um, like what do you want to do? Like, he's like, I want to wear a suit and walk into a place and command respect, was basically what he was saying. And I'm like, Is that a career now? I also well, I mean, I think that was. I think it was I think that as long as you were a white guy that went to a state school or you were in a um fraternity, those things being like, Oh, I went to Ohio State, you automatically get an interview because you, you know, were a Delta Gamma at, you know, you know, Purdue or whatever. And that is alone to get you in the room and being able to do the job, you'll they'll figure it out. Like they can do anything. It's just it's like high school is just like a long networking group until you get to a job, I feel like for I mean, I think that might just be the most accurate understanding of how the world works. Yes, the big networking game until you get a job. Until you get a job. And then you have different networking games. You're either like it's like it's like, and you feel it even when you have kids, it's like, you know, you you have to get them in the same swimming lessons. Everybody gets their same swimming lessons when they were four. Like my son was in swing lessons when he was four months old. What was I fucking doing? You know, like and you know, like the you know, you then you get them in the little kickers and they're all you know, all these things that like, you know, and my son was bad at all of it because he, you know, he wasn't a mean, I don't say bad, but he's just not a sporty child. Uh and you know, some it you you lose like a lot of, I feel like currency when you don't have the kid that does the thing that everybody else does. Like they're like they're all off at soccer games on the weekends, and while I'm very grateful that I am not at soccer games, I'm like, am I missing? Is he missing? And I'm like, I don't, I don't know, I wasn't at him. No.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Well, I tell you what, I am really thinking deeply about Mary Nisi, is that both my kids are now in baseball and softball, and also my husband is into softball. So all of these three members of my family are participating in the sport. I was not a sporty child. I was like the opposite of a sporty child. And I was a so I was a theater kid and we rehearsed for months. Your parents come to one performance, that is the only thing that they are expected to do. Somehow parents are expected for baseball and softball to show up to a hundred games. It doesn't even like logistically, it doesn't even make sense. And there's not like at least here, there isn't enough field time. And so the uh Jeffrey had a game, my 13-year-old had a game that started at like eight on a school night. So we were not home until 11.

SPEAKER_01 9:23

Yes, isn't that intense? Like, there's just no reason for that. No, no, he's in seventh grade.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

No, we might just dial this back. It's just it's not like he's gonna go and become a professional softball player, you know? Like it's not, I mean, I just I I feel like this weird thing around sports is like if they're not in sports, they're gonna like they won't learn teamwork and they won't learn how to. And I guess maybe that is true because I am not a team player and I never really did a team sport. I am, I am not, I am not good. I am not good in a team environment. Like, I'm not, I just am not. I I need to be in charge. Yeah, that's fine. I think that's great. I'm also not good We didn't miss anything. I'm also not good to be like relied upon in the moment. Like what? Like, um, like it like a ball is coming towards you gotta catch it and then do something else with it. Like that is I can't handle the pressure of a bunch of people relying upon me for a thing that only I can do and that I gotta do another thing. Like those are like that is the the amount of stress I have around that is is bad. I have dreams where I'm like in the outfield and I catch a ball and I don't know what to do with it.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Well, I can tell you that in real life I would never get to that part. Um, I wouldn't watch the ball. Yeah. Um you know, I've but uh it is interesting to watch my husband, who cares very deeply about sports, say things like, I'm so upset. I didn't get to play much because the team is too big. Like, oh, you're upset that you didn't have to go up to bat? I don't understand.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Like I I'm only in it for the party afterwards. Right. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Um, so I guess just to go back and remind our listeners who you are. Uh I feel like we just sort of got in as a woman like no introduction.

SPEAKER_03 11:02

I kind of according to her.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

I mean, you don't. I I was I was in it. Maybe I don't, maybe this is extra this is for no good reason, but you know, Ashley does uh own my VA rocks, my uh audio rocks, any other things that rock? Anything else rock? I have lots of things that rock.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Uh but my audio rocks and my VA Rocks are um are certainly the biggest. I um I every time I have an idea, I buy the domain for the idea.recks.

SPEAKER_02 11:29

I mean I mean I don't buy that. I buy my own URLs though. I have so many URLs. What's your favorite of the unused so far URLs? Um I have one that is uh it is um called a coven of stitches, and that is and that is for my craft store that I'm gonna open someday. That's amazing. Have you been to a crafts secondhand store? A craft second, no.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

It's a new thing. They do these like uh it's used art supplies in the way that like you know you have used art supplies, you're just like sitting there because you spent a bunch of money acquiring a habit, and as it turns out, you don't like that thing anymore. That closet right there.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

Mm-hmm. That's that right there, that closet is filled with crafts, the craft kits and fabrics and paint pens and glitter and uh felt balls, uh just like a museum to things I thought I'd get into.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Absolutely. I'm actually sitting right next to the chest of drawers that represents the same for me. Yeah. Here we have Posca markers. I have all manner of like little uh fuzzy, fuzzy nonsense.

SPEAKER_02 12:40

Here's a quilt that I have been sort of working on for almost a year. Yeah. I have yeah, no, I've got here's a chain of uh flying V's. I no, this is no, this is curves for a I've got some of it built. I have some, I have like I've got very impressive.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

I have parts of it.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

Yeah, no, it's taken forever. And I it's like I do it in like a fit of, you know, like I'll I'll cut a bunch of stuff out and then never sew it. Um here's my my my little feed pigs. Um, but yeah, no, I this is this is the story. I have this, I have this all over my house, just half made amazing.

SPEAKER_00 13:18

I'm gonna show you. This is something I've been working on for 15 years, is my cross stitch project. It is almost done. Does Sean is Sean who's Sean? He's my husband.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

Okay, so this is for an adult. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

But it definitely started before we were married.

SPEAKER_02 13:34

Oh my god.

unknown 13:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:36

I mean, cross stitches takes that's labor, that's labor. I'm more of a needle pointer because it's just one, it's just one stitch.

SPEAKER_00 13:42

Oh yeah. I did a whole lot. I tried to take up um oil painting. Uh this summer I want to do portraits. That is also another example of wow, that's an expensive abbey. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

And uh you're gonna pick it up once and then I uh I've been working on a belt or a strap for like eight months and it's taking forever, and it's like it's pink and it has like tigers on it. It's really cool. And um, a friend of mine saw me working on it, it's like, that's really cool. You should sell those. And I was like, what would you pay for this? If this was all just one strap, what would you pay? She's like, I don't know, maybe $50. And I'm like, the canvas was $185. The threads that go in it, they're like $9 a scheme, and it takes like 45 of them. Um, the amount of time I've worked on this, it's like I'd have to sell this for like $8,000 in order to like recoup like what it would take to do. It's like women's work is so devalued. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:43

Also, how what tell me more about this craft? What is you're making a strap for like a guitar?

SPEAKER_02 14:49

It's downstairs, but it's uh it's well, it's a strap that's gonna be a purse strap, but it could be a belt. It could be a it could be a belt, a purse strap, a guitar strap. But then you Are you weaving it? No, a needle, it's needlepoint. So it's been painted. So it's a hand-painted like canvas that has like, you know, it has like tigers and then you you needlepoint on top of it, and then you send it off to somebody to have it finished, have them turn it into like they'll put leather leather on the back and put the you know, the hooks on the sides and everything. And the finishing will the finishing will probably cost me 300 bucks. So it's like the which I mean, just in hard costs, it's probably a $600 strap. It's like, and I've been working on it forever, and who knows if I'll even finish it. That's the other thing. I have like a I have a whole bag that is just 87% finished needlepoint crafts. And when I'm working on them, they're like weird. I always find like the weird one. I make the weird like, what do you gonna do with that? I'm like, I don't know. I'm just gonna work on it, it's gonna sit in a bag and then it's gonna be at like my estate scale after I'm dead. And someone will be like, I'm gonna buy these and I'm gonna finish them, and then they're gonna sit in a bag in their closet until it gets put onto the next, the next estate sale.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

Yes, this is the true circle of life.

SPEAKER_02 15:55

It really is. It's a kuna matata. It is the, it is the, it is how it goes. It is how it goes. Um, so uh did I did I hear that you're kind of in a pre-tirement situation or something, or you're kind of doing something.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Very, very, very little. Uh yay! Yeah, it is like the best thing I did. Actually, you know, um, like small in small business and in startups, we hear so much about like grinding. And like um, I have these girlfriends who um other I think other than me mostly hang out with like a very male uh contingent in like the entrepreneurs organization. And yeah, they tend to be like the only women in these groups of like hard male startup dudes. Yeah. And the things that they do for like getting themselves pumped up sounds like actual torture. There's a lot of uh cold plunging. I have a uh gal pal who went to Antarctica. Uh I'd do that. An EO group. I'd do that. You would I would I would for sure go to Antarctica. I would for sure not go with an EO group. Uh but here's where I want to go with friends. Uh, I want to go lay on a beach. I wanna uh I took a trip to um this magical place called Rancha La Puerta in Mexico this year. Okay. That is um, it is just paradise for middle-aged women. On the every hour on the hour, there's a different class. And it starts with like you wake up early and you go on a mountain hike, then um, then a beautiful organic farm to table breakfast, then uh we start Pilates. You have so many you can pick from. Wait, so we're like wait, wait, wait, what is this place?

SPEAKER_02 17:38

Is it women only?

SPEAKER_00 17:39

No, there are men, but like not a lot.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

And uh so it's just like a it's just like a like a resort that has just activities?

SPEAKER_00 17:46

Yes, yes, yes, yeah. Uh and it goes like okay, you can do uh Pilates or yoga or meditation on at the first hour. At the second hour, your choices are um there's a disco dance class, then there's a um uh making your nature Enneagram or something. Yeah. And it just it goes like that, and you just sort of pick what you want, and then when you don't want to be doing something, you nap in a hammock or go in one of the many pools, or you go to the spa. There was um, there was also a guy doing like some sort of water birth therapy stuff. Uh and I don't really like it when strangers touch me, so I was not into this, but all of the girlfriends in my group, I think, did this like special. This guy is gonna cradle you in his arms in a worm pool and then heal all of your childhood trauma. And uh yeah, it was pretty great place. It is called Rancho Relaxo.

SPEAKER_02 18:48

Like, wait, what is it? Rancho Le Puerto. The ranch of the of the port? The port ranch? Of the door ranch. The door ranch. Yes. Um, and where where is it?

SPEAKER_00 18:57

It's right outside of Ticate. So what did you fly into? It's like on the other side of San Diego. Oh. So you is you so you you you just did you drive there? We I flew into San Diego and then the ranch has just a bus that you get on and it's like everything. I cannot tell you actually how nice this place is because um, like uh the the grounds are kept up so incredibly well. And when you're walking around in the morning, there are um like the the gardens, the garden workers are there meticulously like raking the um raking the uh land paths so that they're all you know free of debris. And then uh there's someone who's coming along with like a leaf blower to make sure nothing is on the path, but they turn it, they turn all the loud stuff off as you're walking past because you don't want to disrupt your peace. I mean, there's guest chefs, it was just beautiful. Wait, would you just go there for funsies or was there a birthday in port or something? No, somebody I really admired was going and you know me. If you say like, hey, would you like to travel internationally? I'm in. Uh, but if like you want to get together on the regular, I'm probably out because I don't have time for that. But for sure, traveling internationally.

SPEAKER_02 20:09

Yeah, if like you if you're getting on a plan and going someplace where the money's different, that then then you're in. Totally. Um it sounds amazing. That sounds like very healing and awesome. You should come on the next one. Yeah, there's gonna be a next one. Of course. Um, so wait, how do we get on Rancho Relaxo?

SPEAKER_00 20:28

We're not doing, we're not doing cold plunges with people. Yeah, we're doing our own thing.

SPEAKER_02 20:33

Yeah. So you so these friends that that are doing these these in these intense things, are they also so they're also obviously entrepreneurs, entrepreneurs since they're an ego. Um and uh what do they think about like what is your path right now? Like, what do they think about your path, your friends that are in that? Like what how do they feel about like how you're doing things versus how they're doing things?

SPEAKER_00 20:54

It's a good question. Everyone is on their own path. I will say my path is to not work uh as much as I did in the years leading up to now. Uh, it's to spend a lot of time with my kids. It's to spend a ton of time with my husband. Uh, we just adopted a new dog. So now there are two dogs. So now I'm like, you know, puppy files everywhere. These are the things I want to spend time on.

SPEAKER_02 21:16

Now let me ask so, like one of the things I'm having a hard time with with my newfound situation that I'm in is it's really unrelatable. Um, like it's uh I and I I don't even relate to it. Like I don't, it's like I have worked so hard since I was 14 years old and I don't know how to not work, but I'm also realizing that my working was giving me like I actually this morning I was talking about it with my therapist about how like I always feel like there's something I should be when I'm doing one thing, I always feel like I should be doing 14 other things. Like the thing I'm doing isn't the right thing I'm supposed to be doing. There is a right thing. There is somebody out there judging me and telling me exactly what I should that knows what I should be doing. They aren't telling me what it is. And I'm just trying so hard to figure out what that is. And And um, and I I don't even know how to what to do. Like even when I don't have anything to do, I don't know what to do at that time. I'm like, I used to read books. Can I just read a book? Then I feel like if I'm reading my if I'm reading a book, I should be cleaning something. It's like this, this weird, I don't know how to, I don't know how to relax or I don't know how to like be alone with myself.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Yeah, it does take some, I will say it does take some getting used to. I did, I went through a um, I went through a period where uh I was very, very depressed because I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything. And that's kind of the point. While you were working or well, after you made this sort of made making after I made the switch, yeah. Like what well, what do I do now? And then uh going to like Rancho La Puerto is not that relaxing if you're not stressed before. And so then are we have we just spent our entire lives being like in stress and then relieving that stress, but it only the the relief only feels good because it's in such high contrast to the stress we were under? And then like, why would we do that in the first place? That's uh that's probably not where we want to be. And that can lead pretty quickly to stoicism, where like, okay, well, we're gonna study that for a while.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Uh wait, what do you mean it is? What do you mean it loses stoicism? What do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_00 23:19

Well, okay, so uh the stoics are one of the things that they're excited about is um like not being not putting stress on yourself in the first place and then just having sort of an even keel, but being really comfortable that um like you're not you're not in the high highs or the low lows. You're just you're purposefully in the middle. That's an okay thing. Uh that is a really, really hard lesson because you we have spent our entire lives feeling like being busy is productive and being busy is very unproductive. We have um spent a lot of time measuring our own productivity by a task list. And, you know, it can be really hard if you have only five small things. I mean, this is like the um George Costanza problem, right? Like if you're unemployed, you do one thing a day, you don't do them all at once, or you'll have nothing else to do for the week. You know, there being able to um be really purposeful about where you put your time is kind of magical, but we're so unaccustomed to it that it doesn't, it doesn't really make sense for how our brains work. And it is real, I mean, it is there is a lot of work that goes into being okay with, well, I don't, I'm not, this is where this is what I want to be doing, whatever it is. And frankly, sometimes like it is walking around in the garden and not really accomplishing anything. And that's that's okay if that's what your brain needs. Your brain really does need to be bored and it needs to have time to think and uh and and to be expansive in general. So leaving time for all of that is important, but ends up being um, it ends up being really, really hard to reconcile with everything that you were, you know, you were judging yourself before based on a totally different paradigm.

SPEAKER_02 25:15

But like, do you find like can you say to people like I don't really want, like I feel like if I were to say, like, I don't really want to work, it comes off as this sort of like privileged, you know, uh like the most un-American thing you could possibly be saying is like I don't want to work and I just want to like hang out. And I do just, I mean, I like being busy and I like having things to do, but I don't have anything. I'm like, I I feel like right now I really need to just not, I keep wanting to eliminate more things out of my life. I feel like I I feel like I had so much responsibility and so much hanging on my head all the time. Like I felt like I I always had like the sort of Damocles hanging over my head at all times. And it still hasn't gone away. I mean, shit can always go south. There's always more, there's more shitty ways that the the you know, the that time can or that life can, you know, mess with us, the Trump administration, et cetera. Um, I guess I'm I I don't know what's next. And it feels so hard for me to just live in that moment of just uncertainty, of just literally just being in the moment and like just being here now. It's the hardest thing.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

But I think it's helpful to remember that your brain really likes stasis. Your brain really likes to stay where it's comfortable, and where your brain, Mary Necy, is comfortable is having lots going on. And so you need to retrain your brain. That's a it's a neurological effort. Also, this is like the most American thing. We created businesses, we created jobs, we put people in charge of those businesses so that they could run them, and now we're gonna go do something else. And that something else can be anything, it can be raising our kids, being really present with our families, it can be starting the next thing. It doesn't actually matter. The point of building a business actually is to get out of the business. Otherwise, you don't have a business, you have built yourself a job. It's just a very that you're paying for. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. It's a very expensive executive decision that position.

SPEAKER_02 27:16

It is. And I I've I felt like that's all I was doing, like like the like pandemic on. I felt like all I was doing was just like paying to have a job I hated. Like it was, you know, like it was everything got so hard. Do you have another big question for me? Like, what's really weighing on my mind? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Where are you spending time?

SPEAKER_02 27:33

Where are you spending time? Um, I'm so glad you asked. Um, I am I have been trying to work on getting my exercise routine normalized.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

Yes. I I need, I am like a routine person. I need like my life to just be like every day has a thing that goes on inside of it. And um, and I we I got a Peloton during the panthem pandemic. So I'm like, okay, I'll just be that, I'll just be a pen a Peloton person. But you don't have anybody like forcing you to get on the bike. You know, you don't have anybody like anybody expecting you to be there. And so I have been, I like sign up for Pilates and I've got my yoga classes, and I got a person, I got not a personal trainer, but this I go to this gym now where it's like an average Joe's type gym where they give you exercises to do and you do the exercises. And so that has been really good to just get my ex because like if I don't exercise, my indoor friends don't know what's going on, and then I'm like, I I need the exercise. So exercise has been like a thing where I've been trying to just like schedule it, get it in there. This past weekend, this past weekend, I um I gardened for three days straight, which wow, and I I haven't I used when I lived in the city, I had a beautiful garden that I worked so hard on and I worked in it all the time. And then if I ever had just like a moment, I would just run outside and grab, you know, like weed and I would, you know, grow my stuff. And I would I loved my my beautiful garden, my bees made everything awesome. Like it was this and like ever since I got up here into Evanston, I just have zero desire. I have no idea that I I don't touch dirt. I don't want to, I want I it's like I and I really just kind of let it go. Like there, I hadn't cleaned the leaves out of anything for two years, and it it was weird. I it's like I it felt like a giant metaphor or something because I was so sad and depressed and then not use it working in my garden. And you know, I like my bees all died last year, so I had to get new bees this year, and it was like, you know, and I so then I just kind of got a wild hair up my ass to like hack back a tree. And then I I hacked the tree back and or like a bush, not a tree, but a bush. And then I basically then just cleaned out my entire garden and everything looks, it looks so good right now. And I'm like, why was that so hard? Like when I would think about going and cleaning out the leaves, it just seemed like this huge, hard thing that I would just ugly and even like doing like one section, like I I get in this all or nothing kind of thinking where I'm like, well, if I can't clean up all the leaves, what's the point of only cleaning out one area? Because you know, I'm then I don't do the next one and only one area looks clean that it then like taunts me, you know? Like it's and so I literally was in my garden all weekend long and I was so happy. My husband's like, it's really nice to see you in the garden again. Like it was, you know, like I he like he noticed obviously that I hadn't been doing anything out there. And he wasn't saying it in a like, you know, bitch better get back behind that ho. It was more just, you know, like um, you know, it was it was just excited to see like Lil Lol Mary coming back. And like, you know, I I feel like I'm getting kind of, but anyway, I basically upped my antidepressants uh last week. Uh on the advice of my therapist, she was like, I think you might be depressed. I'm like, what's depression? That's not I'm not sad, but I didn't realize that man depression can manifest its uh its wealth like differently. Like it oh yeah, I didn't empty. Did not didn't understand that one. Didn't under I I honestly like I don't I've never I've always been in a good mood all the time. Like even when things are shitty, I can still like laugh and have a good time. And I just have been feeling just like flat and like unable. And so I started taking I increased my meds like I guess it was two weeks ago. And I feel like that's part of the reason why I was able to garden this weekend because I was like, you know, oh, things that used to bring me joy. And it felt like a montage of like Mary gets off from gets on the right meds, and all of a sudden she's like gardening, and then she went to Pilates class and she's like riding a horse and playing tennis. And like I uh it feels kind of um like cliched, but I'm also like, wow, what else can I do? What else can I do?

SPEAKER_00 31:20

Yeah, I mean, maybe cliched for a reason. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

Sounds like a good move to me.

SPEAKER_00 31:24

So what are you doing with your time? Go to the gym every morning with my husband. Actually, speaking of exercise, uh I'm I'm working on my uh, yeah, I have a word of the year every year. And uh I started with a year of yes and um said yes to everything. And that year I tore my ACL log rolling, saying yes to one too many things. And uh so the next year I had a year of adventure, which was much more um on uh on the nose. Uh and I've done um I so I pick a word every year. I think I did like health and then wealth. And this year is volume, uh, because things in my life need to change volume. Like uh my butt needs to get smaller, but my bank account needs to get bigger. Okay. And uh, you know, so I'm working on adjusting uh all of the places where volume makes sense. That's my word of the year. So I'm working out a ton. Uh and I actually I also found that um if uh if I went and saw friends at the gym, that made a huge difference for me. And uh so now I um I work out with a personal trainer uh or a small group class uh I don't know, four or five times a week. Um I am spending a ton of time at baseball and softball. Although if I'm being really honest, I know my husband is spending way more time at baseball and softball than I am. Um I uh I made a uh little dollhouse. Uh I love making doll houses. Do you have the dioramas in the basement of the art institute?

SPEAKER_02 33:06

A million percent. The miniatures room is like my favorite room at the Art Institute. Not my favorite, but it's one of my I love it. I love it. It's so weird. I love it so much. Do you make those? Yeah. What do you mean you make them?

SPEAKER_00 33:18

You can just buy a kit. They're not even that expensive. Yeah. And I think now they have ones that are like, uh, oh, you just sort of take the stuff and you put it together, like the instructions say. I'm on the ones that are like, oh, here is uh here are a bunch of beads and wood and cloth, and you make that into a make it into a house.

SPEAKER_02 33:38

Like it's a straight up is it like diorama-y?

unknown 33:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

Like is it like a like a Cornell box? Like, you know, where it's got like you have do you put lights and shit inside of them? Yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. Do you have an Instagram for these? You need like how what do you do with them? You just look at a note. Kind of. Yeah, actually what I do with it.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

Are they in that closet? I put them on display for like a month and then I get very tired of them. And usually one of my kids wants one, or um, I've given them to like neighborhood kids. And there's something very pleasing for my brain in there because I think building businesses is so there's no instruction manual at all. It's just like, I don't know what's gonna work. You're gonna try all the things. Some of them are gonna work, some of them are gonna really kick your butt. Uh, and this is like, nope, there's a set of instructions. If you follow these instructions to the T, you will get this exact thing. And I find that so comforting. And um, you know, you can see like I I think I started that particular just tell me what to do craft with like paint by number. Oh, I can crank out a paint by number, like nobody's business.

SPEAKER_02 34:40

So needlepoint is very similar in the same way because it's just the colors are there on this thing. And I've I and if I do a wrong, I almost get excited when I fuck up a stitch because then I gotta rip it all out and then redo it. And like in needlepoint word world, they're always like, no, keep your mistakes. Like, you know, there's that's the whole thing. I'm like, I don't know. I kind of like I don't like I like making it look perfect. I have I have so few things in my life that I ever look at and go, I did that perfectly. But if I do the colors right, it's very it scratches my brain. Like it makes me feel like I someone told me what to do and I did it. And then I give myself the gold star that I'm indeed perpetually always looking for. 100%. I give you a gold star, Mary Nisi. Um I want to see your miniatures. I want to see your like, you know, I will send pictures. Are you do are they weird places? Is it like the interior of the peach pit after dark? Or like is it is it like uh like what is it? I don't know why that that's what I went to. I would actually would love to see in an if someone made a miniature of the peach pit after dark. 100%.

SPEAKER_00 35:36

Mostly I do little houses. So they're like, you know, there's like a little breakfast scene and then there's a little no people in it because that's too cheesy. Uh and almost always a piano. I really like little pianos.

SPEAKER_02 35:47

And do you change like from going from like baby grands to uprights to Roland 606s?

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Yeah, I think I mostly I mostly just respect a tiny baby grand piano. A baby, baby, baby, baby, baby grand piano.

SPEAKER_02 36:01

Tiny fingers. Um you're in your craft era. I am in my craft era, very much. But are you having a hard time not wanting to turn it into money though? Like, do you keep trying to do you keep thinking about monetizing your hobbies?

SPEAKER_00 36:13

Yeah. Yeah. That's uh, yeah. But then it's not a hobby. Is your monetization of a hobby can make a hobby go from fun to not fun very quickly? And also, you know, like like you touched on the economics of crafting. It doesn't make any sense. I've, you know, the um the thing I showed you, I've been working on for 15 years. I bought the kit for like $60, literally 15 years ago. And um and at the end of my life, one of my kids will throw it away. There's just no, you know, there's like it's not even close.

SPEAKER_02 36:44

Yeah. So I have five brothers and sisters, and so our Christmas mantle was crazy. It did like my mom handmade all of our stockings, and some of them were like mine was like felt with sequins and shit on it. And my brother had one that was kind of puffy, and you know, like they they all they but they were all my mom made all of them and they all looked different. Like it wasn't like they all had it was cool. Like I loved all of our and then when um after she died, um my I knew that like my brother had taken the box that had this the stockings in it, and I'm like, so I was like chase, I'm like hunting him down and chasing him down. Finally, I was able, I'm like, just send them all to me, I'll take them all. And then he only had mine, and it was awesome because I got my so I have my childhood stocking on that's the one that I imagine, the one that my mom made. And then my little sister, uh, when she made one for John and she made one for um Sebastian. So my little sister, my so they have like legit new theirs, but I have the one that my mom made. And it says Mary Beth on it, because that used to be my name. Uh, I mean, and it is my name. That's my name. My name is Mary Beth. Yeah, it's so cute. Yeah, no, but you sound cute. It's so funny when we were, I went to Omaha a couple weeks ago with my with two of my sisters for like this sister's trip. It was really fun. Like it was, it was weird, but it was fun. Um, and we went to meet up with one of my sister's old friends, and I walked and she's like, Mary Beth. And I'm like, like it was like, it was like it was like this, it was like I gelatinated and then reformed. It was like I I didn't know what to do with somebody calling me that. It was like both comforting and triggering at the same time. Like, oh someone, someone who's known me since the early 80s, and also don't do that. Like I am not married, I'm not a Mary Beth. I'm just not. Is Quinto your maiden name or your middle name? Well, if both.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

It is my maiden name, and now it is my middle name.

SPEAKER_02 38:28

What is it? Does it mean the check or the hotel, the quinta inn?

SPEAKER_00 38:31

No, yeah, that is the that is La Quinta, but uh Quinto is a Portuguese name being fifths, so I'm big on fives, but it doesn't, it doesn't come from anywhere. Like I don't I just did my um genealogy and I couldn't find where there's supposed I mean there's it doesn't start anywhere. Someone just was like, this feels like a good name.

SPEAKER_02 38:52

Are you Portuguese?

SPEAKER_00 38:53

No, also no.

SPEAKER_02 38:55

Um when you did your genealogy, do you find anything cool?

SPEAKER_00 38:58

Well, I have known for a long time that um on my mom's side, uh, we have someone who signed the Declaration of Independence, Robert Morris. Mm-hmm. Like the Robert Morris? Like the Robert Morris, the the fab the design guy? Uh no, Robert Morris of Robert Morris College was named after him. But he uh he is the reason that we use this the symbol for the dollar, the like S with the two lines. Mm-hmm. And um he arranged for the financing of the Revolutionary War and then um died in debtor's prison because no one paid him back and he had put his like personal, I know it's he financed America and then died in debtor's prison. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But not cool enough to have made it into Hamilton, but cool enough that like it was a distinct possibility.

SPEAKER_02 39:45

You can imagine him saying, and Robert Morris is the reason why we got the Dela sign or something like that. That I could see that being in there. My family does not go that far back. Where is your family from? My my mother's side is uh like a northern European mutt situation. Um, I don't I don't know how far back that I know my grandma was German, but I don't know like how far back they go. My dad, on the other hand, his he's first generation, his parents were born in Italy. And my grandpa, actually, this is pretty cool. My grandpa immigrated here when he was 16. And we went to New York last year on vacation and went to Ellis Island. And I actually found my grandpa's like when he landed at Ellis Island. And what's interesting is he he came here in 1921. He was 16, and um he came by himself, didn't have, and he had a brother that lived in Omaha, and that's how he wound up going to Omaha. But when he landed, he landed in 21, which was in the period of time when Ellis Island was being used as was it got turned over to be a munitions factory basically during World War I. So from like 1916 to 1921, it was decommissioned as a place where people would land, like that where immigrants would land, and they would actually um they would land people on the boat. So mo so everybody that was that came to America after that, they got processed on the boat. They weren't getting processed in Ellis Island. However, when my grandpa came through and he was 16, that was seen as like illegal. Like he was too young to be here by himself. And so he got taken off the boat and brought into like the, the, like the, the barra, like the like the prison sort of thing that was on Ellis Island. Oh my gosh. Um, because if you were that underage, you then would become just like a problem. You know, you weren't you didn't have parents, you didn't, you weren't really old enough to like get meaningful work. So then you would just like a financial drag on the social system. And so they landed in him and then he had to contact his brother in Omaha, who had to wire him money and say that he was going to be his, you know, his sponsor or whatever. And so I got all these documents, and it's like you see that they called his brother, his name was Raphaelo or something, and he lived in the house that my father was born in and died in. Like my dad was born and died in the same house. And the house that my grandpa went to in 1920 when he 21 when he moved here, that's where he went. And you can see like he we he had like four meals on the taxpayer's dime. Like you can see, it was all this stuff was kind of laid out in here. How? Yeah, yeah. That's so fascinating. And then he moved to Omaha and his um his he had an arranged marriage with, I don't know, so that should really tell, well, whatever. Fucking doesn't matter. My grandpa, my grandpa had an arranged marriage with my grandma, and but he was actually in love with her sister. And yeah, and it was like it was like this super daggo, like, you know, my my grandpa was like, you know, in love with her sister his whole his whole life, and then she um then he died, and my grandma was like, I know you were fucking my husband, my husband, and then then they didn't talk until like she was on her deathbed, and then they had this big like Italian, like, you know, and then my grandma died. Yeah, but it was like one of these like, you know, super like gross, like, you know, cheating situation.

SPEAKER_01 43:03

But my grandpa then did they did they cheat though? Did they get together, the sister and the grandpa?

SPEAKER_02 43:09

Yeah, they were they were maintaining a relationship the whole time that he was here that he was like married to my grandma. Really? And then when he died, my grandma was like to her sister was like, I know you were fucking my dad, my husband, you're dead to me. And then they didn't talk for years. And then when she was on her deathbed, she forgave her and then died, you know, knowing that everything was cool between her and her sister. Wild. Yeah, like some crazy shit.

SPEAKER_00 43:32

I think the wild part is she knew but waited until her husband was dead to say anything, which feels like no accountability timing.

SPEAKER_02 43:39

No accountability. He just got to like live it. I mean, whatever. I mean, it was a different time, but uh I don't even know why I outed that crazy laundry when really just asked me what they did here. So my grandpa started a restaurant uh and uh it became kind of a big deal in Omaha. And then my dad ran it into the ground after he died, and we had a I had a different childhood than my sisters did. uh and my brothers. But um yeah, this is a lot of dirty laundry that I'm airing.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

That's amazing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:04

So what a good I probably already told this story, but the the joke we have in my family is that like um that my because there's five years in between me and my my there's four kids then five years and then me and my little sister after that. And I with the joke we have in our family is that like um their childhood was like the first half of Boogie Nights where it was like film and like had good soundtracks and everybody had good hair. And then my child Robin and I's childhood it was the second half of boogie nights it's on video with the cocaine and the firecrackers and the and it's like it's like in both cases it's still porn. It's still porn but theirs is slightly rosier than like the one that we have trauma. That's a wild analogy I love every bit about yeah yeah I mean it wasn't fun to be raised in but it kind of was definitely definitely was never dull. Where are you from? Chicago.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

I grew up at um Addison and Lakeshore. Oh right in the heart of Boys Town. Dang, where'd you go to high school? Latin.

SPEAKER_02 45:04

You know it's whoa look at you. I it's funny I saw this meme the other day that was like everyone says they're from Chicago until you ask them where they went to high school that is very true.

SPEAKER_00 45:15

Like I am actually one of those Chicagoans who if you tell me you're from Chicago I do need to hear cross streets or we're gonna have a discussion just a small one about how you're actually from the suburbs. Although I will say Evanston is like the one suburb that I think counts as Chicago.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

I hear that and I agree with it to a certain extent because I I I'm I'm pretty happy here. Like I you know I think it's it is but you know it is it is not the city though you know like it's definitely is a suburb it's not the city but in some good ways and some bad what's crazy is like our schools have like completely collapsed like the Really? Yeah like I moved here because of the schools and then uh and the schools are good but we had this like corrupt like superintendent that like stole like 23 million dollars and like funneled it through a bunch of fake corporations and stuff and he's like he's been indicted he might he might be in jail. But like we have this huge budget shortfall so I was like we're gonna get we're gonna get rid of the of the school counselors and we're gonna get rid of libraries and we're and it's like they they pull up these ideas so that everyone like freaks out and then makes them find the money elsewhere. And I had this thought the other day where I'm like I every school district I know of has problems right now. Like every school district has like you know I'm sure part of it is the just the collapse of the Department of Education and you know just COVID mismanagement and like you know the cash infusion we that schools got from COVID and assuming that money's always going to be there and then it's not blah blah blah like all the things that are problematic with this. And like we've got this billionaire that runs Illinois this JB Pritzer fellow and he makes a lot of money has a lot of money wouldn't miss it if it's gone at least a lot of it. And I was like what if we started a campaign where we're just like hey JB Pritzker you've got a ton of money you love Illinois. What if you just erased the debt of every school district in Illinois just yes there were some mistakes made dumb things would happen but you have enough money in your banking account in your checking account that you could fix. You could bring every school just to zero you know just get the debt and get everybody's you could get everybody right there. And you wouldn't feel it. He would not feel that that amount of money that it would cost to fix that. Cause I'm sure it would be like maybe maybe it would be like you know like maybe it might be a billion dollars. I don't think it'd be that much money.

SPEAKER_00 47:28

Yeah I'm totally with you. I actually think we should be shaming billionaires in general because you can't I mean how I can't imagine driving along a street and seeing all of seeing people homeless, seeing people struggle and knowing that you could like make it all work in in the in the flick of a wrist to sign a check and you just don't you just don't there's no I mean I can't well you're not a billionaire.

SPEAKER_02 47:58

People are like if I was a billionaire I'd be fixing all these problems. Like that's why you'd never be a billionaire because the only way to be a billionaire is to hoard wealth and take it from your from like from your uh you know from the people that are working for you. There's no there the wage theft is the only way that you can get that much money unless you're Taylor Swift.

SPEAKER_00 48:15

She gets to be a billionaire because she did all get to be a billionaire she gets to be there should be some I mean but even I mean even she should be like naming like do we used to have billionaires who like did a lot of built libraries and yeah I think to be fair we still do there are some there are some like solidly amazing billionaires doing great work with what they have.

SPEAKER_02 48:38

Sure but I also feel like when they were like when they kind of talk about Jeff Bezos' wife and how she you know oh she's just giving me money hand over fist and I'm like to who? I know she's giving it to like you know education initiatives in Africa and you know like there it's like it's kind of a lot of international stuff and it's all good things I'm sure are great. But this country has has been hollowed out and it's like I don't know like can you just dump a billion dollars into the Department of Education and see what that would do? Because I feel like that would do as long as it was managed correctly. But I do feel like a fun experiment. But I do think if like we started a campaign just like Pritzker just wipe out the student debt in this wipe it all out wipe out every school's problems and get everybody so everyone's at the even playing field. Because it is so annoying that my kid has to like you know doesn't have real books. All of everything he reads is on an iPad. They don't have any of like physical books. It's insane.

SPEAKER_01 49:32

That's wild.

SPEAKER_02 49:32

Yeah he's never brought a school book home. What why? Yeah I could I don't know it's and I and I don't know if I can't tell what it is. Is that just what school is now like and I I feel like iPads are bad ways of learning. I don't I can't learn on the internet. Um it's weird. And so I basically want to go back before the internet I want to turn off the internet for schools. I want everything to go back to books and I want JP Frisker to play for it. Not gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 49:57

It's not the worst idea you've ever had I do think it needs some workshopping.

SPEAKER_02 50:01

Yeah I just feel like we can do it. Like you could just wipe out all these problems like really obvious problems like you know like if if he were to like I mean he could single handedly end homelessness in Illinois.

SPEAKER_00 50:11

There are talents that have there are like sizable cities that have eradicated homelessness. And um the way that they do it because everybody tries to solve at the systemic level and like that is that that works for some things but for homelessness apparently the way that you completely eradicate homelessness in your community is you get all of the um key players in a room and you go one by one. Okay, John is oh you and first you do all the veterans because there's enough veterans benefits and some of them need a mailbox and they will set them up that way. Once you get all the veterans housed then you start okay uh if Jane and her three kids don't have a place to sleep tonight what are we gonna do? Okay, here's what we need here's what they need let's figure this out and then you just go one by one by person like you go by person by person.

SPEAKER_02 51:01

By person by person until there is no one left. That's an interesting concept you know in Panama it's illegal to be homeless insofar that if you are homeless your relatives actually are beholden to you. Like if you are homeless they go after your mom or they go after your sister like they that there's there's like no there are no vagrants in Panama like it is it everybody has a home because if you don't take care of your if if you are homeless your family's supposed to be taking care of you and your family can get basically fined and ticketed for not taking care of their family member. That's very interesting. Isn't that kind of beautiful too to a certain extent how I feel about it.

SPEAKER_00 51:40

That's an odd one. I mean think of like the batty relatives you have I have a few.

SPEAKER_02 51:46

Yeah but they but you would let them go homeless. Yeah yeah I don't that's the thing it's like when you think about like we let people go homeless because we decided that they're bad enough to go homeless. But if someone loves that person or loved that person and you know it's like I don't know it I think it it was it's it was an interesting concept if like you couldn't let your brother go crazy and be on the streets because you were going to get a ticket about it, then you're gonna like do you're gonna like do the legwork to find him on like a you know a place to be in a job and you're be more you know your brother's keeper. Anyway, this conversation has gone all over the place and uh I could keep we could just do this forever. Maybe we should just do this IRL and not involve a podcast. It's like you know like men can't process they have to get a podcast in order to talk about their feelings. That's you and me but we just need to do it in real life. Love it. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 52:31

It is so fun connecting with you. Thank you so much for having me as a guest. I will always have a new lady business.

SPEAKER_02 52:38

I want to go to Rancho Relaxo with you. Let's do it. We'll put a link to Rancho Relaxo in the in the show notes. All right thanks everybody for tuning in to actually Quinto Powell2 Electric Google and uh see you on the flippity flop. Thanks for listening to Olive in my lady business with me, Mary Nasty uh we'd love for you to like review subscribe follow us at all of my lady business on the RAM and if you're a female identifying person and you want to dance you can follow I mean everybody can follow us but if you want to be a part of the the magic at hot dance party sign up for the meal to find out where our next party's gonna be and if you are looking for each hot one area or anywhere else. You know money's the same color everywhere quiet stuff toastingampits.com has the best and listen to my radio show. I have a radio show on ChirpRadio at chirpradio.org that's Mondays every Monday calling that today's episode is produced by Shiraz Data composed and performed by you guess it Shiraz Data. Alright guys peace out