All Up In: Brecken-revenge, karmic retribution & all things season three!

Music. Welcome to All Up In My Lady Business. I am your host, Mary Nisi. On this podcast, I'll explore the fine line between having it together and losing your shit. Here I share my journey as an entrepreneur, a mom, a wife, a DJ, and randomly a beekeeper. I have no shame and no filter except the ones I use on Instagram. My stories of resilience, a little structure, and a lot of resourcefulness can show you how to take those same things and live your life with your whole ass. Thanks for listening. Music. All right. I am so excited that I am back with you guys to be in podcast land with you. It has been a longer break than I thought. I have missed this place to speak into a microphone, tell you about all the bullshit I'm back on and perhaps some bullshit that that I have gotten off of. So many things have happened since the last time I rapped at you, which was, if you're listening to this in real time, mid December, I think, 2022. 2023 as a concept is something that I'm having a hard time accepting. It looks weird. Like when I write it on things, it's the first year that's felt super futurey. You know, like when I type it out, it looks wrong. Like, how can that even be a real year? It looks like a joke. It's very George Jetson. You know, off topic, I had to put Sebastian's graduation year on some form and I couldn't figure it out. Like I couldn't do the math in my head to figure out like when he was going to graduate from high school. So there's a graduation year generator on the internet because of course there is. And that math made my brain hurt. And he graduates from high school in 2032. Like what even is that? Like what is 2032? It's the year my son is graduating from high school. What is that? in that time, that since the last time I was here with you, I went skiing and I went to Panama again for that yoga retreat that I went to last year. I got a really just an incredible new assistant who has revolutionized my life. And we actually started a process of actually strategizing episodes and they'll be less literally pulled out of my whole ass every week. So that's going to be very exciting. This new season was supposed to start a month ago, due to it being a bit of an ambitious concept to try to cram in recording before I went to Panama and I really wanted to but it wasn't going to happen. So that pushed it back. And then when I got back, I was flown to Ohio to teach a positively baller DJ company at this DJ summer camp thing that they do. I guess it's not summer camp, I guess it's just DJ camp, winter camp. That was going to be happening. And when I came back from Panama, that kind of got crazy. And then I had some time vampires and some peace bandits that have tried to wreck my vibe, but... It didn't work. It's been kind of crazy in my brain since I got back from Panama. I mean, there's been a lot of really kind of heavy things that have happened to me since I got back. And my thoughts were racing and I was having a really hard time trying to complete tasks. And I've been like, I don't know, I just was feeling kind of nuts. And then this morning I realized that I ran out of my ADHD medication. Like two weeks ago. I forgot to pick it up. And so I've spent the last two weeks having really bad racing thoughts and I've been unable to finish anything and I've been moody and then I've been kind of having crazy thoughts. I've been thinking about those weather balloons and they're probably aliens that are going to come. And then today I take a cereal bowl of supplements every day, so many. It's a laughable amount of supplements and then medication that I take. Pills into and I dumped them into the lid and I realized that the orange pill wasn't there. And I'm like, wait a minute, where's the orange pill? And so then I realized that the orange pill was my ADHD medication and then I forgot to follow through on the order when I placed the order and didn't pick it up. And so I placed the order again, I called Walgreens, I placed the order again and then I went and picked it up and oh my God, I am on top of the world. I am flying high. I hate that I have to take this much medication and pills to fully function. It makes me feel like I'm in Blade Runner and that this is all playing out like some kind of bad science fiction novel. But it's still science and I believe in that for sure. So I'm feeling great right now. So as I mentioned earlier on, we went skiing. We went skiing the week after Christmas. Actually it was the week after New Year's. We flew to Breckenridge for New Year's Day. And I've talked about this accident that I had. I tore my ACL in the winter of 21 and then we went back. I tore that in Breckenridge and that was the first time I'd ever been at Breckenridge. I would normally go to Park City and I'd tour in my ACL and... Skiing and it sucked. And when that happened, I was laying there, and I might have told the story already, but whatever, it's my podcast. You can hear something again. When I fell and I felt the little pop and then I laid there for like 10 minutes because I was trying to convince myself that I wasn't hurt. I was like questioning why it happened to me. I was trying to find the way, like karmically, what I'd done to deserve that because I'd just come off of like a year of COVID that had just wrecked my business shittiness of COVID that we were all kind of dealing with. And I was like, what did I do to deserve this? And I thought, I was laying there, is it because I line jumped for the COVID vaccine? Because I did, I got my COVID vaccine way earlier than most people did. I line jumped. And I was thinking that that's the reason why I got, why I was hurt myself. Like, what did I do to deserve that? And I needed that trip so badly. How could the universe be fucking me over this hard? And I thought I was a bad person. It felt like the pandemic, I'm sure this sounds really self-absorbed, I know the pandemic was really bad for a lot of people, especially people who lost people or died. I mean, I understand that, but my business was hurt. I mean, people in the wedding industry is hurt. I mean, wedding industry's jobs were hurt, but it just sucked. I just felt like, why is this affecting me more than my friends? And I just have this very punitive idea of why I was affected by, I really was messed up about the whole thing. My knee really quickly and thoroughly. Like I had to be able to get my knee back because I had to work in a couple of months. Like that happened at the beginning of April and I had weddings starting in May or June. So I only had like two or three months to like get to the point where I could like stand lift gear and you know, be able to operate again. And I also want to be able to ski again and do yoga and basically not do that thing where you like, oh, I had a bad injury when skiing when I was like in my mid forties and I just never did it again. Like that's just not, that's not gonna be me. Like I can't be that person that like my body just starts slipping away. And then all of a sudden I have like hollow bone syndrome by the time I'm 57. Like I just, like I need to stay strong forever. And it bums me out. Like, I don't know, I just don't want to get injured. and have me just slip into like old age. I want to be like limited by my desire to do things, not if I can physically pull them off. So anyway, after I got hurt, I like did everything that the doctors told me to do. Like I, you know, apparently when they do rehab estimations for people, they assume they're only to do a quarter of what they tell you to do. So like, but I didn't know that and I did everything. And like, I was lucky because I have great insurance. And I worked for myself so I could take two weeks off after surgery, not do anything, and then I could go to physical therapy twice a week and no one was telling me I couldn't. I recognized my privilege on this one. And I was able to ski again February 2022 in Utah last year. Like we went to Utah, got back on the horse. And then this year, 2023, I planned this trip to Breckenridge to go back. So I only got to ski one day before I hurt myself. I wanted to come and show that mountain who's boss. But I also wanted to go and see how awesome it was. When we were there the year before, John, he was trying so hard to not be so positive about it, but he basically told me after surgery and everything, that was the best skiing that he'd ever had, was the two days after I hurt myself. I'm like, all right, so I got to go back to see how great this place is, that John was, I mean, we've skied some really great ski times. And for him to say that Breckenridge is better than anything else, I was like, fuck you man, I got to get back there. I got to get my Brecken revenge. So we take this trip, the flight got delayed when we were leaving Chicago on New Year's Day. And then they were like, oops, we have to change planes. I mean, it took forever. I didn't eat correctly. I mean, I'm sure most people are awful when they're hangry, but I cannot go I didn't eat for like seven hours. And we were supposed to get in at four o'clock. We didn't wind up getting in until like closer to nine. And there was some snafu with the hotel. And like, it just sucked getting to where we were staying. But as we were driving into Breckenridge off the highway, I started kind of having a panic attack. Like I started like kind of like getting really anxious. And you know, again, I'm hungry and John and Sebastian are hungry and tired and everyone's ang, you know, everyone's pissed. And, we roll into town and I'm like, oh boy, this might not have been a good idea. And then we go to the hotel, and I don't know how I did this, but I got us a room at the exact same place that we had stayed the time before, and I didn't realize I did that. And not only that, when I got to the room, like we pulled into the garage, and I'm like, oh fuck, I like wept in my car in this garage like two years earlier. And I'm like, kind of having a panic attack. Into the parking spot and we get up to the room and we're in the room across the hall from the one we stayed before. I'm like, why is the universe doing this to me? And so we get into the room and I like burst into tears. I'm like back at this place that stole an entire year of my life. It caused me all this pain and trauma. And I just sat and I like, I, you know, like when we were there earlier, I sat in that room across the hall, like drinking my ass off and watching Bridgerton. And, you know, so like I have, there's so much stuff wrapped up in like the shame I have, and just anger, and just shit with being back in that hotel. So I like walk in the door, and I like couldn't do it, you know? Like I rolled in, and that room that where all that trauma happened was right there. I just started crying and freaking out. Like I was freaking out, like I, which I never do, like I couldn't get in control of my emotions, which isn't normal. Normally I've got a pretty good handle on my emotions and John's hungry and angry and Sebastian's a mess and we kind of got into a pretty big fight. He could not understand what was going on. But I was having a total anxiety attack. And it's like every vacation that we've had since the pandemic has been really fucked up. And I don't know if it's because I've built it up in my head or just the world's really fucked up right now and nothing just goes smoothly. but I was just like, why can't I just go on vacation? You know, and I realized I had a lot of unresolved trauma and I couldn't believe that it was just like working itself out in real time when I'm like on a vacation that I really need and whatever. Anyway, so the next day there's a gondola that you take to go from town up to the base of the resort. And we're in the gondola and someone mentions something about their knee brace. And all of a sudden I was like, fuck, I forgot my knee brace. And so after my doctor cleared me to ski, I got this custom made knee brace that goes on my knee underneath my ski pants so that when I'm skiing I have an extra layer of security on it. And I had used it last year when I skied, but then this year I just completely forgot. I just absolutely just forgot to bring it. So I'm going up the gondola and I'm like, what am I going to do? Like I need a brace. And I'm texting my friend Jane, whose daughter was watching our cats. And she's like, okay, I'll go get it and FedEx it to you. So she goes to my house and gets the knee brace and she's like getting ready to FedEx it to me. And I go up to the base of the mountain and I was having ski school because I always do a ski lesson like the first right out of the gate. I go up to the guy that's teaching it ACL surgery two years ago and I forgot my knee brace and I was supposed to bring it. My friend's going to FedEx it to me but I'm kind of worried about what to do. And he goes, you know, it's interesting. My wife had a full ACL tear too. And she got a knee brace and she wore it for seven years. She wore this brace or three years, maybe it was three years. I think she wore this brace for three years. And for whatever reason, she goes to look up the paperwork from when she had the surgery and she realizes that she was wearing her knee brace on the wrong knee. Like she'd had the surgery on her left knee and she'd been wearing the brace on her right knee for three years. And so he was like, those braces are, they're largely psychological. Like, you know, your ACL repaired knee is probably stronger than the one that wasn't hurt. And you know, so I mean, you know, I think you're going to be okay. He's like, you don't quote me on that, but you know, he's like, my wife had the exact same surgery. And so it was really weird that I got put in front of the right guy to tell me a random story. That helped me feel better. I mean, maybe he made it up, who knows. But it was exactly what I needed to hear in that moment. And I was like, okay, I can do this. And so I went into the lesson and we're skiing. And while I was out there in the lesson, Jane calls me and she's like, I'm at FedEx and it's gonna be $200. And because there was a huge storm, it's not even gonna get there for three days. So you'll only get to wear it for the last two days you're there. And I'm like, you know what? I think I'm gonna be okay. And I was. it went on to be like the best skiing that we've ever had. And part of it, I mean, we got tons of snow while we were out there, but the skiing was so good. Like Sebastian did two days of lessons so that, you know, he could, you know, get his legs underneath him. And he really loves to ski in trees. He started getting into trees last year, which is crazy. You know, maybe even two years ago, he was also doing trees, but last year he was really into trees and I kind of tried it, but I wasn't super aggressive on it. And then, cause we were in Park City last year it wasn't, their tree runs aren't that good, but oh my God, at Breckenridge they were amazing. And like, I was like, all right, I'm going to do it. And I don't know if it was the lesson I got or my just my general confidence, but like, we just skied in the trees the whole time and it was super fun. I'm just like so grateful that. Not only was Sebastian, because I don't think I would try it if John was trying to talk me into it, because I think my confidence wouldn't allow me to try that kind of thing. But with Sebastian doing it, it's like, well, he has so many limitations put on him that he loves skiing and the fact that he wants to go under the trees. It's like, okay, this is something that he's good at that is not necessarily an easy thing to do. And I want to be able to be there with him and see him do it. It's amazing how his desire to do this gave me the confidence to try something that I never thought I'd be able to do. I don't know, it's like, I'm learning so much from my kids how to put myself in seriously dangerous skiing situations. But it was really fun. It's like a whole thing to be adding trees into my skiing rapport. Anyway, I've had a lot of traumatic things happen to my body. I mean, I had my pain issues that I was having and then the C-sections and then the 10 years of chronic pain and other things. One day I was in my bathroom and I broke a mason jar. And as I was cleaning it up, I'm like, where's all this blood coming from? And then I looked and I had blood gushing out of my Achilles tendon and I had accidentally cut 25% of my Achilles and I was in a boot. And I've had double bunion surgery and I guess perimenopause is also a terrible nightmare. I was kind of trying to figure out what the original lesson of that original tear showed me. Was that I was kind of a thoughtless skier. And I would always kind of go a little bit better than my, I try to ski faster or harder things than my ability. I'm a little bit reckless. And I almost always do a lesson at the first day of my ski trip. And the time I tore my ACL, I didn't take a lesson. I'm kind of very much a trial by fire person. Just trying to slow me down. I don't think it was karmic redemption. I think what it really was, was that it was like, I had been running on all systems because of the pandemic. I was hyper vigilant at all times. And, you know, I didn't take a lesson, you know, that day. And I was trying to keep up with some people that were better skiers than me. And I think that what this ACL tear was trying to do to slow me down. And a lot of things have changed since that last day. I quit drinking, I've become like really into meditating. And I think part of the reason why, you know, not only was I skiing well, but I felt better skiing. And I think I was able to deal with the trees, because, you know, in trees you can't, you have to like, you're changing direction a lot and like, you know, sticks can come from out of nowhere. I was able to be in the moment. And it's like while I was in there, like I was really in the moment. It was very much like a, it's not the destination, it's the journey type thing. I felt like while I was skiing, I was in the moment. And I was really able to be there with my family and do something we all love doing and we all kind of take pride in how good we do it. The only guaranteed thing was that moment that we were living in. And I literally had a thought, like a really weird thought where I'm like, you know what, this is so wonderful. It's kind of worth the risk to be able to experience something like this. It was weird. I was having a very groovy, like, successories poster, you know, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take kind of moment. But when I was in that snow that day, I was thinking why that was happening. I think it was the universe trying to make me slow down, of going through life. And it made me slow down. It made me have to pay attention to my physical body, to get ready for weddings again. And it also made me realize that not only can I not do anything mindlessly anymore, I don't think I want to or I don't think I can just do anything mindlessly anymore. I don't know. It made me realize that I felt like I was kind of stepping into my power. I know that sounds kind of weird and a weird thing to admit on a podcast. Maybe I'm losing everybody at that point, but I don't know. It sort of feels like. Things simultaneously get harder and easier at the same time, but I don't know, maybe just when you get older, you're just better equipped to deal with it. I guess the lesson of all of this is slowing down, you know, kind of living in the moment, and kind of really taking stock of what is important and what I want to do. And I started this business because I didn't know what else to do with myself, and it was working out, and it made me money, to cross a lot of things off the goal list. And with the pandemic, I had been kind of doing a lot of random stuff, trying to figure out what I wanted to do because after I had Sebastian, I didn't want to be DJing 60 events a year. And I was kind of feeling like I was kind of done with Toast and Jam, but then the pandemic pulled me back in and made me realize that I love this company and I want to DJ again and I want to be a part of it. My life. But then, you know, after I tore my ACL, and that kind of slowed me down from the business of the pandemic, I had to kind of relearn my skills and kind of shifting my perspective on what I want and what I need to do. And, you know, one of my goals for this year is we're going to be hiring a new operations person. And I am, you know, trying to get my systems together and get the right people. In place because I want to change some stuff in my life. And that's what this year is about, is getting my businesses under control and kind of getting out of them. So that's the first episode of this season. Hope you guys loved it. And I'll see you next week. Thanks for listening to All Up In My Lady Business, a podcast from a Mary Nisi production. It is written by me, Mary Nisi. It is edited by Amelia Ruby with softer sounds. It is recorded at the Toast and Jam offices in Logan Square in Chicago, Illinois. And it is also sometimes recorded in the attic of my house in Evanston. You can find resources and links from this episode in the show notes at allupinmyladybusiness.com. And if you enjoyed this episode and you did, smash that subscribe button and send it to somebody whose ass could be a whole lot wholer. Oh, and also if you're the kind of person that reviews things on the internet, please rate and review us on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. It really does help people find the show. And don't forget, whatever you do this week, do it with your whole ass. Thanks for listening. Music.