That’s The Trashiest Thing I’ve Ever Heard With Ashley Logan

SPEAKER_01 0:14

My business is your business. It's all within my lady business with me. Very easy to do that. I think today, Ashley, I want to interview you again. But about you? I do. I wanna like, I wanna talk about you and who you are and like get an idea of because I feel like there's a lot of your backstory that I have no idea about. And I feel like I want to like make sure everybody knows who you are and we can all learn it together. What do you think about that? I mean, I hate talking about myself. I know you do. I know you do. Just like I hate talking. Actually, I kind of do hate talking about myself. Um, but I, you know, I adore you, and I think the whole rest of the world should adore my little blonde friend, Ashley A. L.

SPEAKER_00 1:05

Thanks, Mary.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Okay, so Ashley Logan, we're gonna go back to the beginning. Where were you born?

SPEAKER_00 1:09

Well, let's talk about where I was conceived.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

That's interesting, you know that.

SPEAKER_00 1:14

Yeah, and I was conceived in the parking lot of a restaurant named Ashley's.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

That's the trashiest thing I've ever heard. But also the mostly or Ashleyest. Oh my god. It's both trash, it's it's both of them. Why not both? Well, you were literally conceived in a car in the restaurant in the parking lot of a restaurant called Ashley's. According to legend, yeah. And your parents told you that. My mom did. Your mom did. And um, how how did how did you get that conversation out of her? I mean, I've got I got some weird shit out of my mom, but I don't I guess if I'm I guess I wish I was conceived in a parking lot. Uh named Mary's. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

You'd be like the parking lot of a church.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Saint Mary's.

SPEAKER_01 1:56

God, I have I ever messed around in the parking lot of a church. I've messed around in a par in a graveyard. Okay. So uh well, not like full on, but you know, kind of like you're in college and you're smoking clove cigarettes and you know you cloves. Oh Mike, I remember the clove cigarettes? Yes, they tasted so good and they made your lips also tiny after. God, I would you know what? I haven't had a cigarette. I have this, so I since I quit smoking, uh, and I quit smoking 27 years ago, which is bananas. I quit smoking. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Because that means like you're like, it's almost like you never smoked now.

SPEAKER_01 2:29

Yeah. I mean, I hope so. Ton of weed. I smoke a lot of weed, and also my I was raised in so much secondhand smoke that I feel like if anything's gonna kill me, it's gonna be that.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Um but at least you've got like an you've got it and out, like you can like blame someone else if it takes you down. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 2:47

And I will because I've been blaming my parents for everything for so long. Why stop now?

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Stop now.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Why stop now? And they're dead, so it's like they can't even defend themselves. So it's very easy and convenient to to blame them.

SPEAKER_00 3:02

I like still censor myself because I'm like worried, like I like my dad like subscribes to my Substack, and I'm like, ugh, yeah, really great. Like I like the support. It's like one, be a paid subscriber, please. But two, I think he's not even paid. No. So it's like, so I guess I better start putting things behind the paywall that I really want to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

That's actually an amazing idea. If nothing else, it'd be like, maybe I'll get your dad to pay. Um but to go back to smoking, when I quit smoking, I um I'm I'm actually really good at quitting things. Like when I quit things, they're gone. Like I once I've made once I've made the decision about something, it is out of my life. And it's kind of like how I quit drinking. Like I quit drinking and I just quit drinking. And I quit smoking cigarettes and I just quit smoking cigarettes. Like I didn't, it wasn't easy, but I never did it again. That's a lie, though, because I have smoked two times since I quit smoking, and both times we're in Europe. So I don't count them.

SPEAKER_00 3:57

Well, obviously you wouldn't. And by the way, that would be the same as like it's just pointless. Like it's a pointless, it's a pointless tally. It doesn't matter, you know? So you still quit. You didn't go back to doing it. I can't. Like if I quit and then I smoke again, then I um but we're too, we're too raw. I I'm in a quit cycle, so let's move on.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

Yeah. Anyway, my point is all this is that I would smoke a I would I would smoke a clove cigarette. If somebody pulled a clove cigarette out, I think I could hit that bitch and have a pretty fun time doing it. The thing is, though, is they don't sell clove cigarettes to anyone over the age of 20. So I don't I'd have to hang out with some youth uh to find someone who who's actually smoking a close cigarette.

SPEAKER_00 4:40

Do they still make them? Like there was claims that like they were worse for you. But anyway, um, yeah, so that's how I got here.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

So how did you how did your mom tell you that you you were conceived in a parking lot?

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Well, I was also the kid who like I basically educated my entire class on everything that they wanted to know about like what's a blow job, what's sex, what's this, because I would ask my mom and then I would report back. And so I was the friend who had the tea. I would do the research, I was the journalist, and I would go back and t and tell everyone. So, like I even had a mom say thank you to me for not having to tell her daughter how to use a tampon, not having to tell her daughter how to do all those things because I was like, Don't worry, guys, I'm gonna find out and I will come and tell you. What's your birth order? I'm the middle child. Middle child.

SPEAKER_01 5:32

God, you give off eldest daughter energy though. Well, it's a Capricorn rising. So your older older sister, is it all girls? All girls. All girls. And how many of them are there?

SPEAKER_00 5:43

There's three girls, and then I have a stepbrother as well. But I step brother we were raised by the time that merger happened.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

That acquisition happened uh after you left the firm. Uh so um okay, so you're the middle child. What's your older sister like? Or what's your relationship like? Or can you talk about that? Should we put that behind the hate behind the paywall?

SPEAKER_00 6:07

No, my. How much older than you? She's three years older, and she's great. Like when we were growing up, like my parents made this. I like I kind of view it as problematic in hindsight, but they were like called her the big girl and me and my younger sister the little girls. And even though that we were all within five years, so there wasn't that much of a distinction, but it was kind of like me and my younger sister would play together and do all the things, and then my older sister was the one who was like talked about blowjobs? Never, never. No, I freaked her out. She stayed the she stayed away from me until like we both graduated in high school. And then we became really good friends. But like I kind of had to do, we had to have this reset talk where I was like, don't fucking don't mother me. I don't want you worried about me. I don't want you telling me how to live my life. I don't want you to do all those things. So like we can do this together, but here's how it's it's gonna look. And um, I'm sure she'd have her own version of that story too, of like me being ridiculous and out of line and you know, all the things, and she wanted me to be a certain way. But ultimately, we became really close by having an open line of communication. And but she like she runs shit, man. Like when I had five days to get out of my marital home while my now ex and my kids were away, like I had to like get us out of the house. She showed up and was like, I'm taking, I'm I'm taking, I'm taking over. While I was basically like outside ripping heaters and and spinning in circles, being like, Where do I go? And where do I put all the things? She had like took everything out of my cabinets, packed everything up, was running running the ship. So she's she's an excellent person to have around to um to get shit done. And what's her name? She's an Aquarius, like you. Her name's Sam.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Sam? Sammy? Samantha. Samantha.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

Uh Samantha's. What's her birthday? She is uh January 27th.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

That's my son's birthday. That's Sebastian's birthday, and that's a day before mine. So she's a good Aquarius, she's a January Aquarius.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I like all Aquariuses.

SPEAKER_01 8:10

I like all Aquarians too, but I feel like there's a difference between February and January Aquariums.

SPEAKER_00 8:16

Yeah, I guess there's always a difference. Like there's a difference between November Sagittarius's and December ones and February Pisces versus March, but um, but a lot. March ones are the bad ones. Just kidding.

SPEAKER_01 8:27

Wait, when's your birthday?

SPEAKER_00 8:28

You know, you're December. I am December. I'm not a Pisces, I'm just surrounded by them.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

Um, okay, so again, how did we um how'd your mom tell you about the sex story in the car? I don't know why I'm so focused on this. It's just so funny to me. Actually, maybe we should move on.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

Yeah, I don't know exactly how it came out, but I I confirmed it with the uh with the dad as well. Okay. So like I know that this was this was affirmative.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Okay, so you're conceived in a car in Kentucky. And probably Downer's Grove. Toby Downer's Grove. Toby Downer's Grove. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

So uh all right, so are you from Downers Grove originally? I'm I'm from the area and from the western suburbs. So my both my parents went to Downers North for high school, and then um we went to I went to Handyfield Central growing up, so like I'm like from this area big time. I grew up in Oakbrook.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

I like that um the high school is called Downers North because that's like an oxymoron.

SPEAKER_00 9:25

Is it fun? There's also Downers South.

SPEAKER_01 9:28

Downers. Downers.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

My younger couple lives on Downers Drive.

SPEAKER_01 9:33

I want to I feel like there's so many ways for teenagers to be shitty about Downers Grove. Like, you know, like like when you like live there and you're like, I'm from Downer's Grove, Downers Goo. Um okay, so you're so you're Western suburbs and uh you were you like who were you in high school?

SPEAKER_00 9:51

I was like very like similar to who I am now, like I was um I was in the choir, I was in a band. I was I also ran draft.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Like a like a side band, like a garage band?

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Yeah. What were you called? Yeah. I don't know. We don't really have a name. We would just like play in in Craig Nakowitz's basement where while his parents smoked a ton of cigs downstairs and we dip tobacco and play wild horses. Like it was like so fun. Were you did you play an instrument or did you sing? I played guitar and sing. I didn't know you played guitar. I still play guitar, I still play piano, um, but I like not very good at either of them. Like I can play the chords, but I the singing has always been my instrument. So I've been singing since I was a a little girl. And um, so that's my instrument. And then so in high school, like, you know, like friends with everyone. I liked to have like I was in the art classes, I was also an athlete. So um I ran spectrum um a track. You're a runner. I was a hurdler. Yeah, I was a runner. I was a hurdler. Do you still enjoy running? Um yeah, I think so. But like it's not like like you could go somewhere and do sprint races with people. So um I don't really have that. Um, but I I I liked it. And I was like short, but running big hurdles, and it took a lot of determination and it was fun.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Hurdler?

SPEAKER_00 11:19

I was a hurdler.

SPEAKER_01 11:20

Wow, I don't I I always just assumed that those were off limits for me because I'm five two. But like you're not five two, you are shorter than that because I am five two.

SPEAKER_00 11:28

I'm five two.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

I used to be five three, and now I'm five two.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

I've yoga might have made me a little taller because you feel you're shorter than me for sure.

SPEAKER_01 11:37

You also wear really tall shoes. You're kind of a big shoe wearer, like a tall shoe wearer, aren't you?

SPEAKER_00 11:41

Yeah, sometimes. Yeah, so except right now where I have no shoes on. Um yeah, so that was it. Like high school, like bubbly but artistic and um and friendly. Cheerleader or prom court. I wasn't a cheerleader, I was on the homecoming court. Um, we didn't have a prom court, and so that was the thing. Oh, yeah, in the homecoming court.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Yeah. And then uh you go to college in Tennessee. Yeah. Tennessee. And what did you go for?

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Uh writing. I wanted to be a writer since I was little. And like there's two dreams I had. Like one, be a country singer or singer of some sort, and then also write. And so I went to Tennessee. I wanted to be far away, I wanted to experience a different culture. I knew like how deep are my roots were in Chicago, and that it was probably likely that I would come back, even though I wanted to live the Dixie Chicks life and go off to wide open spaces. And um, so I went down south and I thought, like, oh well to Knoxville, not that south. Um, it's fucking southern there, and I loved it though. Like I was the first person from my high school in like 15 years to go there, so there was no network existing to drop into, and it's a huge school, and I carved my path and made some of my best friends and who I still keep in touch with. And I miss the southern culture a lot. Like just even the the temperature, like the people are outside, the slower pace people take a moment to get to know a little bit about you. I think that's really important.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

What do you say, like it's the South? Like, what what is the the the edge to that that you're kind of putting in your voice?

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Well, the thing that struck me, I like went back and I read a recent journal, and it was how confusing it was to me, for me, the relationship with like Christianity and the relationship with like alcohol and partying. So it was like people would there was so much about God out in the open, but then a lot of hypocrisy under the surface of that. And I grappled with it a little bit as someone who was raised in the church and um also like with independent views on like like organized religion and Christianity, but like what it means to be a good person, what it means to love your neighbor, I grappled with that quite a bit in in the South and like and the double standards, um the underlying racism, underlying um things you don't talk about when it comes to sex and um so like there's this like invisible bar of like what you're allowed to talk about and what you're not.

SPEAKER_01 14:21

So but the Christianity of it all, is that like because you identify as a Christian and their version of Christianity was different from your version of Christianity?

SPEAKER_00 14:30

What I wasn't used to was that it was like a yes, like a yes and no. Like I liked the people generally identified as Christian and there were still like, you know, people talking shit about each other, but also a lot of people who were so kind and warm and wonderful and who would give you the shrimp off your back. Like there's always two truths, but like walking through campus and having someone who would like preaching with a bullhorn in the middle of campus about how you're going to hell if you're gay. And so like that was and people just walking by and being like, Well, that's okay. And um, and I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Would it be students or would it be like like the who God, who's that guy? The guy that would go around saying God hates F words. Um I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

No, mostly just like people who thought it was their duty to be there. Maybe they were students, maybe they were part of the community. Like, I don't really know. Yeah. Um, so that like I think that hypocrisy was like a little bit well noted and like such a deep party culture too, which I happily partook in. Um, but it just it felt a little bit um, yeah, people people partied really fucking hard. I mean it's college while referencing Jesus a lot.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

Yeah, it's like okay. So uh and so then you leave Tennessee, you come back. So you leave you graduate with a creative writing degree. Yeah. And then you come and you did corporate-y things for a long time. I did.

SPEAKER_00 15:59

I got like really like the this voice in my head, dad, um, of have to go and produce and become a productive member of society. I I think that I had a lot of job opportunities actually in Knoxville and in Tennessee to go and pursue, like getting more into the music business and had um really like for someone who was an outsider, had built some pretty solid roots when it came to the entertainment business. I like had a column and everything in the the newspaper, but I went back because I did the thing that I shouldn't have done was like I didn't leave college with any money saved. So I had to go home. I got a job working as um in candy in the candy business. And I uh like candy? Like who there was it was a private label candy factory, family-owned business um in Chicago on the west side, and they did like private label for jewel and um costful squirrel market and some things for Walmart and other places.

SPEAKER_01 17:07

Were they were they like the sweetums of like from from parks and rec Sweetums? No. Anyway, go on. Sorry.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

No, I don't know. But they trained me in sales, and so like I was 22 years old, had half the country. I really hated what I was doing though. And but like every single step along the way is like this like you get more information, you get more knowledge, it adds to your your story. And like I remember sitting in a candy, a candy expo. They had these big candy shows that are in Chicago, and brokers and clients came in from all over the country, or maybe this was a different expo. It was like I don't know where I was. One of the CEOs of like a major candy company were all standing in a circle talking. I am the youngest by far, and a female and blonde. And he like brushes the hair off of my forehead and says, So, sweetheart, does the curtain match the carpet? And I was like, And so just realizing like how a woman has to carry herself, like you gotta have your guard way, way, way up. Um, everyone wants to fuck you. Like, that's just it. Like, that's it. And um, like how does that come up?

SPEAKER_01 18:24

Are you like if you were people like, what are we doing here? Like, let's make it happen, or were they like, we got a I got an office with a door?

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Like, how does how that, but it's just like that undertone of like, why are people talking to me? Do they want to do business with me or do they like having a young girl around? And so that like level of discernment, level like like not getting too drunk, you know, like those kinds of things where I just um I realized like that industry wasn't for me, but what I carried for I then I moved into commercial real estate from there. And again, it was like a creative person in this deep business world. And I love business. I've always had this entrepreneurial spirit and being 25 years old and 100% commission at a um in commercial real estate in downtown Chicago was awesome. But again, same similar lessons. It was an unregulated industry, total cowboy mindset. Like my first day on the job. A truly, like one of the directors looked at me and he's like, My only advice to you is to sleep with as many people as possible. And I was like, What? Do hand jobs count?

SPEAKER_01 19:33

He said, he said, he said you needed to sleep with people. Does he say that to the men? Does he say that to the men that come to work there? Of course not. Of course not. He literally, I mean, that's that's that's so comically devious. So how many people did you sleep with? All of them? Did you sleep with all of them?

SPEAKER_00 19:51

As many people as possible. I as many people no. Just old dick with groupy bottles.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Little hand-o. Little hand-oh never hurt no hand o Calisian. Uh so yeah, I'm I'm assuming you didn't fuck anybody then.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Okay. Well, first of all, let me just like set the tone too. Like, I'm single, twenty in my twenties, living in the city, and it's a very social industry. So like people hooked up. Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

I I don't want to say that that never but like probably not within, but not to like further the career. Like it's right.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Like this wasn't like like fucking to like climb the the ladder. It was like, you know, young, drunk kids. Um, you know, so that's let's go back a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 20:34

The guy telling you you need to fuck people. Like, do you think that that is from a place of like, well, like she can't just be good at the job. There's no way she's gonna be good at this job. We need to have her here because we need a woman and because, you know, for ADA reasons. And so A not ADA.

SPEAKER_00 20:49

There was no, there was no guidelines, by the way. There was no guidelines.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

And he was really legitimately thinking, like, I don't know what to do with you. You better fuck people so that you can be good at this job.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

I couldn't speak to why he said that to me and what the intention was, and if he was joking, if he was just trying to like like rattle me a little bit. But what I did know for sure is that as a woman in a sales position, I sell differently. I sell very, very, very differently than the dudes. The dudes were there like making a hundred cold calls a day, and I would go get lunch every day of the week and form connections, get information, follow up on it, and have qualified leads. And so I did really well. And that was subject to its own scrutiny. Like, was I a favorite? Was I getting handed business from other people? Like, you know, like I was always under the microscope. And of course, people would attribute that to like, oh, you're a slut or you're this or whatever. And so it was really interesting because like coming out of that and then starting basically. like when I had after being s in this super male dominated super high commission world that like it like it fucked me up in some ways. Like it was it was a lot. Like I dealt with a lot of harassment dealt with a lot of different situations that you couldn't even imagine like a principal at the company leaving his office door open um right and I sit right outside there talking about all the hookers that he's fucking on his trip in Jamaica. Like it was unregulated. It was wild and um and then like one of there was a lawsuit too where a woman who had worked there like got harassed and asked me to be part of it. And I had probably a million more reasons to be part of it. And I just I couldn't like it was just it was too it was too much. And um so what happened is like I'm still this creative person who wanted to do something good in the world. And when I saved up enough money um I I left and I went back to grad school. But simultaneously while I was still there saving up I started working with nonprofit organizations. And so this was around the time when like social media was starting to be used as a vehicle for building a specific target audience for businesses. And so I would work with nonprofits, help them on their messaging, help them build their social media and um kind of did that on the side to like have some balance in my life and that was just a vol that was you just volunteered to do that. Yeah I just volunteered to do that.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

And what kind of were they like nonprofits you personally believed in or like were they Yeah yeah for sure.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

So one like helping people start to own businesses like that was really fun for me. And then also there was a group um called the Silverlining Foundation that's been in around in Chicago for a a long time and the founder of it is a woman named Dr. Sandy Goldberg and she's pretty well known and so like started volunteering with her and built the auxiliary board and then launched all of these events and it was like it was so much fun and I loved it. But that kind of told me that there was a possibility for me to merge this entrepreneurial lane that I had built and explored and and have it take a creative approach to it. So that's what I did and went back to grad school at 30 years old. I got a master's in journalism for the the Northwestern University Medill School of Journalism and it was awesome. And um and then that program was a year and so like I simultaneously started Yakity Yak. And um you know it's kind of funny though because I had like at a couple of periods in my life had the chance to like dive fully into being a writer this thing that I wanted to be my whole life and then took it like molded it into an actual career instead of actually just like going and being a writer. And I kind of find myself in that position now which is interesting. Position now to be able to write or to to write yes instead of like taking my like I've always kind of taken my creative skills and then put them into a tangible path and box. And so with Yakediak it was like yes wildly creative and I got to problem solve for other people but it was still someone paying me that I had to like you know follow a certain set of protocol and granted I invented it. I did really great things with Yakadiak and like building a multi seven figure business while raising three kids was a big deal and um very difficult to replicate and statistically next to impossible. But I still at the end of the day was not me doing the full thing that was mine.

SPEAKER_01 25:54

It was making my gifts in fit into this like tangible um so you're saying like with what you with the yakydyak you were doing for other people what you what you wish you were just doing for yourself. Probably yeah probably some element there.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

So you start Yakida yak in 2017? No 20 um really like 2012 was the first time that I was taking clients but in 2014 was the first time I I hired an employee and I was doing that full time for my my whole job. So I kind of look at the founding date is 2014.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

And so you have yakity yak, you grow it, you dang down, flip it and reverse it, you make it a thing, yep. And then you decide you're going to sell it. Yeah. And you just did you just like what was the what was the part how did you what were you thinking when you made when you were thinking about selling like what is that how do that how does that start how does that that start why does it start and then how did you m move towards selling?

SPEAKER_00 26:52

So um I'll tell you a story and this was it was 2019 and Yakidak had just gone international and so we were working with some global organizations and um which was really exciting and I was asked to go on the trip to Ireland and um to like help with this big conference do some film work do some other things I was excited and I put myself so on the back burner that I like didn't negotiate a great contract for like what the travel looks like and I found out I was pregnant a few days or a few like maybe a week or so before I left for the trip. And so I'm sitting in the back of a plane a guy is like reclined into my fucking nostrils and I realize I'm sitting on like getting no sleep. I'm not getting compensated properly and I was like I'm this ain't it I'm doing this wrong and I'm in the early I'm five weeks pregnant and um so I get there and do my thing deliver the speeches do all the things I'm supposed to do and then the next day I had a bunch of meetings lined up for other work and I started to notice spotting and I'm like doubled over in pain cramping and I realized that I was miscarrying and so I am like literally sitting through meetings actively miscarrying in a foreign country and um and this was exactly this was September 5th 2019. So we're recording this um you know almost exactly almost exactly seven years later. No seven 2020 2019 and so it was like at that moment when I realized that this ain't it I'm not doing this right like I need to like one get make sure that I'm protecting myself and my peace like two I'm not listening to my body right now. And um it was just like the first clue to me that like okay so I had actually thought that I was doing this big thing building a business it's woman owned woman founded and I'm international travel I'm doing the thing and then realizing that I am actually holding myself to the same deeply patriarchal standard of growth production self-sacrifice this that so I unintentionally replicated the same systems that I was trying to avoid. And it was really hard because I had a team of well so I came back from that trip by the way immediately got pregnant again with my third kid. So then like he was born in May of 2020 the pandemic came in 2020 like it I still had to carry all of these parts of the business that I had built so I could set it down. But then like that with the PPP loans and just like one thing after the net that I couldn't set it down meanwhile was being absolutely fucking ravaged by the team that I had hired. And so people who were like I had a really toxic workforce I had people who like wanted me to um basically like I was a big tech company in terms of how I was hiring what kind of culture I could provide what kind of benefits and I am the type of person that like I hear things I automatically think they're my fault and I went into like this big deep dive of okay I'm bringing in the DEI consultant I'm bringing in the culture people I'm trying to correct all these things. I mean I've spent a hundred thousand dollars on the on these types of systems oh yeah meanwhile people um there were like why aren't you trying harder? Why is Ashley a bitch?

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Why are you a bitch you're crazy you're all of these things and and especially where do you get off I think is actually the thing is where do you get off? I feel like that is always the sort of like where do you get off thinking that you are in control? Where do you get off telling me what to do? Where do you get off on like you're not you're not as cool as you think you are you were not as smart as you think you are like everybody kind of undermining you and you're like you're here because of me. I don't really know how you can say that.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

Yeah it was really it was like those like like that moment from like the miscarriage in Ireland in 2019 to probably 2021 is like it just set off the like hardest two years of my life and um so I wanted to get out I wanted to do things differently and it was just so hard because when you're carrying boulders you can only move them a little bit at a time and I wasn't sure how to how to set it all down. But like meanwhile I was like okay I can't control that like Michael the graphic designer this is a great story. This guy um gay man worked at the company and he um at one point we were like having like a happy hour after work or like some or a song came on and it was Paul Simon and I was like I really like Paul Simon. He's like too bad he's a rapist and I was like oh really okay um I was like well I don't listen to R. Kelly but I didn't know anything about this and he like somehow misconstrued my words so much to say that like one kind of like went back and said like one kind of assault is not as important as an like try to rip me apart on on this that that I was valuing one man ripping a woman apart about rape. Cool. Right who also has survived like like multiple instances of sexual assault and rape and harassment in my life I'm a woman owned business. I built this all from scratch like this and that. And then anyway we parted ways and then I find like communication on his devices that is him trying to get a scholarship and pretending that he was Native American to get the scholarship and asking his dad like how much of his how la la la la the rampant his hypocrisy the rampant like the standard that I was held to and because I like didn't have a a team of advisors or other people or maybe wasn't a dude or maybe because I'm introspective I would be like okay let me sit with that and see if that actually is true. We're gonna go down and um like we're gonna go down the rabbit hole of of exploring this. Are we doing things okay? Are our hiring practices in line with with the highest standard of DEI oh turns out they are $100,000 later and 10 employees later who called me a racist it's like uh like it was so much for having a literal zero two and four year old and that um as so like the the thought of selling was was glorious to really bad. And so starting like maybe 2022 I um I had a couple of offers and explored them and ultimately um ultimately some weren't a fit and I knew that that it was going to be a disaster culturally partially because I was so knowledgeable about what it takes to run a team and systems that are important for handoff and all of those parts.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

When I found the right partner I like literally like carried like it was I felt like dropping a giant sleigh of yeah I mean I it's the the the the burdens of a small business owner it's it's I mean I really do believe that the government does not care about small business. I really truly do. But it's but the to be the the amount of shit we have to handle just on the regulation side of things. Yeah I know you it's untenable. And it's you know you have to hire all these people to do it. And it's like you and I want to hire people like I want to be a job creator. That's like part of one of the things I really liked about owning a business and like about owning a business is like being able to provide work for people that are weirdos that you know don't really operate well in the real world and they can kind of come work for me. And like I'm I'm gonna like you know uh give give these weirdos a place to to to be and then but then at the same time there's this, you know, the no one trusts the man and they shouldn't in many ways. But it's like you still have to participate like in this capitalist hellhole that we live in. And so it's like if you're gonna work you might as well work here where we're gonna be nice and cool instead of you treating me like you know like I don't have like a full HR company. I don't have you know a DEI consultant on the rec. But I will tell you along the same lines as what you were saying it's like you know during COVID when you were getting DEI people and HR I I hired an HR consultant that was on retainer because I just didn't know what I if I if what I was doing was illegal, you know, like I didn't know like what we should and should not be doing like I've never I've never businessed during a you know a pandemic before a pandemic or like a national crisis. And I think about all the things I did and then how little so many others did and were you know just kind of shitty to their employees. Like I had friends that were like I mean I'm like you should not let your boss do that to you because if I did that I would get fucking creamed by my employees. And she's like oh fine but I'll lose my job and it's like well then maybe I don't know it's like I I it's it's it's frustrating to see it was so hard and frustrating like I remember one there's one guy um who I loved um on on my team and I'm he was in Ireland with me.

SPEAKER_00 36:49

I you know am actively miscarrying in another country I still took him to dinner. Of course I didn't tell him that like you know while we're eating shepherd's pie that what was going on and then a few years later after I acquired a video production company it just wasn't a fit to keep him any longer and I had deep loyalty to him and also had to make I like the it just something had to happen. And this was after like keeping him through the pandemic and all of the things and and he sent me like the most skating email afterwards and like those group they're like also friends. They all hang out and they all fucking loathe me and it sucks. And yeah I think I have one of those two and I do too yeah I mean I've I've got like seven of them like true I've got more than that I'm sure yeah I'm sure I've got more than just just hate me and it's like oof that sucks. Um and I like I guess if I wanted to go down like if I were to like coach them through it now I would be like tell me like what's actually true about that like did you get paid on time? Did you have free will?

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Did you I mean Ashley the real the real thing you need to go through with that is I keep I come back to all the time is the fucking four agreements. You know it's like you can't take it personally like you because let's say you had 30 employees total the whole time you had employees and seven of them hate you actively. Like statistically that's how it's gonna go. But also there's mo the majority of people don't hate you. So those seven people are like choosing to you know react in a way that involves these heavy feelings and all of this shit that doesn't need to be applied to this situation. Like you can't take that personally not not everybody behaved had everybody there was a bunch of got the exact same experience and information and they don't hate you. So you know I I it's and there's bad hires I hired so many bad people that I kept around for way too long because I was either h held hostage by them because I didn't want to have to replace them on weddings, which is probably the same thing as like you know having to replace somebody like who's like deep in a project like having you know that knowledge or whatever. Like uh yeah like I held hostage by them because I didn't want to have to deal with you know if they had like 80 weddings booked between now and the next two years it's like how do I get rid of that person? And I and our whole thing was like you get to keep the DJ the whole time and it's not you know we're not gonna like give you some random and so I didn't feel like I could pull and you know and these DJs developed relationships with these clients I didn't necessarily want to take them you know but then there's also the concept of if you can be so shitty to me and my face and I have to expect you to like go and be out in my name with in front of a bunch of other people and be able to behave well while people all drunk people are yelling at you. And like that's probably yeah I mean it's you know it's it asks a lot and for for so for me to let somebody be out there that I know actively hates me but supposed to be doing like good work in my name like like I mean and you know there's definitely well and especially when you know that it's like it's you know you're right did you get paid on time? Do you get work? Do you have you know like do you have a majority good days? Yes there's always gonna be bad days because nothing is perfect. Did you make your best friends in the world that you still hang out with here they like your best yeah it's they like still um will go into my podcast and leave negative reviews and it's like grow the fuck up grow the fuck up move the fuck on move the fuck on like do you is this really where you're still at years after leaving me you're still fuck I'm still living rent free in your head so much that six years, seven years, ten years after working you're still thinking about me? That says more about you than it says about me, bitch. Like it's it is it is shocking to me what people have the energy to uh to think about and talk about and have feelings about totally and that's like it's just it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

Building a business from scratch is hard like and it takes so much energy and so much time. And like in my case it took so much time away from my kids and in the early years like just like I would I like I was emailing on the way to the hospital I have my first baby. Like I sat through meetings while miscarrying I pumped like I carried swept breast milk all over the country like did this over and over again while also trying to do my fucking best to make a difference in the world. And did I fail ultimately no did I fail in little ways every day and succeed in little ways every day yeah but wow the like the amount of I don't want to say trauma but like that was a lot that was a lot and I don't think I would build it the same way again ever which also is is hard for like that means more contractor employees, fewer full-time employees having and just doing it all differently which isn't great for the economy.

SPEAKER_01 41:54

No, it really isn't I mean I I I I I have my own personal issues about 1099s, but I mean it's not good for the economy. It is not good for the is it's not for the person it's not for the person whose job it is either because if they're freelancing they're buying their own insurance they're having to you know there's all these things that they have to figure out or they go without and it doesn't help the social safety net at all. So we have like two minutes left Ashley.

SPEAKER_00 42:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:20

Um and I I think that you know one of the things that I've been thinking about is like you know not having to lose yourself while still wanting to be ambitious. That's been sort of like a thing that has been rattling around in my head, you know, like like or or wanting to be ambitious or having desire and you know having that be okay like I don't know I'm I I it's like I want to be ambitious but I also don't want to work all the time. But then I also get bored and I want to be working but then I also don't want to be working when I'm working and the ambition is still there.

SPEAKER_00 42:53

Is this are we just do we just need to get through this hormonal hump and then because I keep hearing things are better on the other side of the perimenopause of it all okay so I think this I think that when you mean women now like there's not a lot of structure for the multi hyphenate the multipassionate entrepreneur who has different interests in different things. And I actually was journaling about this this morning and be like okay you have three jobs one is you're helping doing some marketing consulting two you're a writer and you get to say whatever the fuck you want and three you're coaching and speaking and doing events and all those things and um also thinking deeply about starting an OnlyFans but we can say that for next time um and not super showing titty but I'll tell you later. No I want to coach people I want to be like here's some like you're having a hard time you're addicted to porn your wife won't fuck you you this like I want to do live coaching on what an interesting concept but are you like in a bra and panties I don't know yet probably not I think I'm just um that's amazing. All right so then stay tuned folks for next time when we discuss Ashley's OnlyFans but I think that the main thing is like being comfortable with the pivots that you're making and that like yeah like we need to be radically honest with ourselves about the stuff we don't want to do and stop doing them and stop pretending that we have more than this one life and that tomorrow's gonna look different. Like stop it. Like the things that you hate you have to stop doing and figure out a way to replace it. Like because that's no way to live life at all. And I do think it is possible.

SPEAKER_01 44:45

I think we all just accept the trial like the har the traumatic things we just kind of accept that they just have to be there. Like my husband I mean he there are days where he really likes his job. He'll come home some days and just be like it's like we let's get you out of there and he's like no and I'm like well okay I know you're allowed to complain about things but it also feels like you know especially when I know like how to you know from an HR standpoint and the laws and everything it's just like I don't know everyone should be enjoying their their their jobs more and they just aren't so anyway well Ashley thank you so much for uh giving a reintroduction and giving me some crazy backstories about Ashley's restaurant. Um I wonder where that restaurant is you know where it is gone yeah yeah um all right well uh see you guys next week and thanks so much and bye thanks for listening to all of the my lady business with me very easy uh we'd love for you to like review subscribe follow us at all of the my lady business on the RAM and if you're a female identifying person and you want to dance you can follow I mean everybody can follow us if you want to be a part of the the magic at the hot swatch dance party called quiet out and listen to my radio show on my radio show on the radio show I'd done five guys peace out