No Wonder Fun Sounds Exhausting With Ashley Logan

SPEAKER_02 0:15

My business is your business. It's all within my lady business with me. Very easy.

SPEAKER_01 0:30

Hi, Mary. Hi, Ashley. How are you this beautiful day?

SPEAKER_03 0:35

I'm uh I'm not bad, actually, for the first time in a long time. I think having the Metro show over was uh uh a a big uh a big lift that needed to happen, and then I could, you know, be a human again in the world. How was the metro show? Uh it was really good, and also just while we're just putting pins in things. I really want to hear about that late that girl trip you went on too with the the camp, the little girls that you were. But we'll get to that eventually. Um But yeah, I guess I guess this episode's being recorded after my triumphant uh debut at the Metro in Chicago uh for a hot flash dance this past weekend. Um and uh thanks for asking, Ashley. I uh it was awesome. It really was. I was so scared. I was so scared. I'm not gonna lie, I was terrified. What were you afraid of? I was afraid of a lot of things. I was afraid of um I was afraid of uh not being able to get a read on the room. I was afraid of um that not we hadn't like usually like I mean, not to brag, but the last like this year, almost every hot flash dance has sold out or no, they've all sold out. And like I just hadn't had uh, and then this one was only selling meagerly um by my estimation. And uh I was getting kind of nervous because I thought the Metro wouldn't want to have me back. And the part of the problem is that like in August, August is a hard time for anything. Uh especially my target demo being like moms over the age of 35. Uh and so not mostly moms, but like older women that like are women are we old? I don't know what we are, but um we're middle-aged. Anyway, most most middle-aged ladies are dealing with, you know, back to school and bringing it those last, bringing out those last vacations and then getting ready for school. And then I had a bunch of other things up against me. Like there were other things happening in Chicago on Saturday that were kind of um attractive to my target demo as well. So I was a little nervous that it wasn't like, you know, I didn't have I didn't sell out the metro on my very first try. Real bummed about that. I was uh I had high expectations. And uh as it turns out, I'm not Sonic Youth or actually Sonic Youth is no longer a band, but a band that could sell out the metro handily. L C D Sound System. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually, speaking of L C D sound system, and um, yeah, yeah, yes. Well, uh so when when I got to the Metro. So hold on. So I was nervous about that, and then just not doing a good job or whatever. I mean, anything I can I can really tear myself apart, Ashley.

SPEAKER_01 3:07

I can I know and it's like, okay, and and like we focus so much like on the negative part, but like, holy shit, you got asked to play at the fucking metro. And like you've been in the music industry for 25 years. Like, this is a big deal. And then then we find a way to be like, I'm not good enough, and blah, blah, blah, instead of just like, yeah, that sucks.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

But how was it?

SPEAKER_03 3:33

Uh, well, so I was so when I got there, I got to like, I got to park in the lot next door, which and it was during a Cubs game. Like, so I had to roll into Wig Wrigleyville at four o'clock as the Cubs game was getting out, and they had they had barricaded Clark. So I was trying to get in at Racine, and uh, I'm like, hi, I'm going right there. I'm like performing at the metro tonight. Like, I need to go right there, which is like, you know, it's like the ginger man's right there and then the metro. And the guy's like, You better, you better be going there. A lot of people are trying to get through, and I'm not letting anyone through. I'm like, I s I promise you, I am, I am performing there tonight. And it felt so crazy to say to the guy, I'm performing at the metro, you need to let me through this barricade. But I got through. And then I got in and um and just like walking through the doors, like not going through the front doors, but going in through the the regular, like the doors that, you know, the uh the talent, which is what I was referred to as one point at one point, um, goes in. And they provide roadies. So I actually had like two guys that came in. Not like a beverage, like dude to carry that not an alcoholic beverage in my car. It was uh, it was uh, it was two guys surly. One of them, like I was, he's like, he's like, uh, where do you want this to go? And I'm like, in, I guess. And he like put on gloves to like to pick up my DJ rig. And I'm like, oh honey, that feels this all feels very um intense. Are you union? Anyway um, when I got in there, Melissa had also arrived. So Melissa and I are like both kind of shitting our pants because we're both, you know, I mean, you know, Mel Melissa and I have lived very, very, very parallel lives. Like we've been at every show together, but not realizing we were there together. So Melissa and I get in there and we like go back into the green room, which I have been in a lot at some point. I mean, I just, you know, have a lot of friends who've performed there over the years and just found found my way back there and I've done questionable things in that back room, mostly alcohol related. I I was wondering at one point what the street value of the cocaine that's been done in that room would be like. I think you sent me that tech message. Um because I'm like, I and the thing is is when when we got there, she's like, so she had like a a stack of um wristbands for me. And she's like, How many people do you are you are you needing for? I'm like, are you are you bringing back here? And I'm like, just two, and she's like, two? And I'm like, yeah, just me and Melissa. And she's like, okay. Uh I think people normally I think you get like 15 people. Like I and I did not know that. So um anyway, we get back there and it's super clean and it smells nice uh before you know bad things happen in rock. Whatever. Anyway, they have like all these posters, wheat paste. Kind of bad things, Mary. Just I mean, backstage at a rock club. I don't know what can happen backstage at a rock club, Ashley. Um, but uh they have all these like posters like from past concerts, like wheat pasted onto the wall. And Melissa and I, between the two of us, I think we'd been to 10 of the shows that were on that wall. And they were all fairly they must have done this a long time ago, like during like, because it was like they were all very like 2010's era shows, which 2010 was a real uh banner year and era for uh for rock and or roll for some re whatever reason, 2010. So many good things came out at that time. Um but it was it was really fun to look at the wall and be like, oh, I was at that show, I was at that show, I was at that show.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Um you're like a you're like you're a legend. You walk the walk when it comes to your love of music.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

I attended. You're a legend in my way.

unknown 7:12

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 7:13

Uh I did spend a lot of time going to rock shows. I think that's like the real upside of having kids late in life is that I got to just still be like an adult with uh with uh money that could just spend money on shows. Um anyway, we got there, we got we then we walked onto the floor and we like I was set up on the floor floor, not on the stage, which I was initially kind of bummed about, but actually it wound up being way better. Um, Melissa, we so we we've I've added this whole this video element to the HFDs. Have you been there since we've since I started doing video at them? I don't think you have. No. Um and so Rika, one of my uh she works for Toast and Jam, but I've kind of brought her into this uh the hot flash fold. She's an incredible video, like she's a VJ. She has VJ experience. And so uh Rika has made um when she's able to, she comes and does it live. And like what's fun about that is that so she's doing, she has like the logo and it's all set to the beat of the music, and like the my logos are moving around. And then I gave her a bunch of like, you know, like pop culture references in video form that I would want, like kind of played back there. So there's like clips from Rushmore from you know the Wes Anderson movie and like heated rivalry and like the dance scene from Singing in the Rain. Just like sort of like weird just things that I like kind of clean behind me. And then she also, if what and yeah, I don't when I'm DJing, I don't I don't know what I'm gonna play until I'm literally about to play it, um, which sucks for her because if I gave her a list of things I was going to play, she could load them all up. But instead, she just waits to hear what I'm playing and then looks it up, pulls it in, and then she'll pull in the video of whatever I'm playing behind me as I'm playing it, and it's fucking rad. And then at the last one, she actually was able to hook a camera into it and then like was putting the audience on screen like while they were it was Oh my god, that is so fun. It's really cool. She had a wedding that night, and so Melissa was taking over the VJ um side of things. Uh, and it looked fucking rad. It was huge because it was, it was able to be on the whole stage, which was like above me and behind me. So it was at point at points it were just like women who were just like standing there looking at the videos and not dancing. Um but uh but yeah, so um got set up and people started showing up at six, and I fucking slayed it. And it was it was really, really fun. Some fo some friends showed up that I um hadn't seen in a while. It was fun to see them. You were supposed to come, and uh I got a I got uh bailed. It's fine. It's fine. Bailed.

SPEAKER_01 9:45

Well, I went to the so far away from you. It really is. It was so far. Well, there's two things. Like, so I had gotten back the night before from this camp that I was leading in Oregon for 10 girls. I was had not been out indoors for many, many days. And I had my friend who was supposed to come with me, she hurt her back, and I just like normally I've got like the biggest balls. Like my balls are fucking huge. I don't mind going places by myself. And this time I just like I was already kind of drawing from like a low cup, and I just like you made it honestly, you made the decision that was right for you.

SPEAKER_03 10:24

I'm really not mad. I, you know, I I just thought you were coming and I was looking for you all night. NBD. Anyway, uh just kidding. I mean, but not anyway.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Um, I know. It's it's one of those things like you gotta like this, these are the choices that we we make in life and they suck. Well, it's like I would love nothing more than to be dancing. And I also like I really actually needed the time to just like get my ship together. Be Ashley by yourself in her house, not in a can, not in a in a in a tent. Um with coyotes running outside of it. Oh my God. Um I'm so proud of you. That's so fucking dope.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

But yeah, so it was it was really fun. I had some, I had some good requests. I didn't have any like there were some really young girls there that kind of randomly showed up. Uh and um and I had, well, when I talked to the lady that had let me, her name is Christy, when she was, I'm like, you know, I'm like, I wish we had more people. And she's like, oh, we're gonna have a ton of walk-ups. And I was like, really? We had like 30 people that walked up, which is, you know, kind of impressive. Um and uh but so they were pretty young. And so I was so it gave me the uh the I the ability to kind of play some newer stuff, which I don't normally so I played like the newly I mean, I played some Olivia Rodrigo, which Oh did you play the um what's the I'm one that I'm obsessed with now?

SPEAKER_01 11:40

Oh I played Drop Dead, but is it stupid soft? Yes, no Drop Dead.

SPEAKER_03 11:44

I drop Drop Dead. The whole album. There isn't there isn't a corker on that whole I it's like I don't I can't tell if pop music has gotten better or if I've become more mainstream, but that album, I mean, Soup to Nut's so good. It's my favorite song on it is the what's your favorite song on it? DRD are you just like I like Drop Dead. I'm on Drop Dead. Um she does a duet with Robert Smith on it that is really, really, really good. And the chorus is I think you're what's wrong with me. And oh I am I mean that isn't it? I mean uh uh and I I mean there's a lot there's like zingers like that all over the record. And um I have chills right now, just still thinking about it, but I can't believe I've never heard that sentiment sentiment before. Like I think what's wrong with me. I think uh so good. And then the song before that, or one of the songs before that is called The Cure, which I think is kind of huh. I love that song though. The cure is probably my favorite song on the record. Um but anyway, I got to play younger stuff, and when I was playing the Olivia Rodrigo song, there was like this big pack of all through them. We were like, what is this? What is this? And it's like it's two minutes. Two minutes, ladies.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Just exactly. Just like throttle from Olivia Rodrigo to Debbie Gibson, and everyone will be happy.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

What did I play? I said I texted all the what I played to my friend Gene. Let me see what I played after the Olivia Rodrigo.

SPEAKER_01 13:10

But overall, it was um it was super fun. That was by the way, I like just gave you a layup for us to start singing Debbie Gibbs and you just I mean, I do get lost in your eyes. There we go. It's like being lost in heaven.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

Um, I also did have a at one point, every single hot flash dance so far, I have a a technical difficulty of my own creation. I have this new, like, I have this piece of DJ furniture that my rig is kind of built into, and it's like this like cool little pedestal thing. But, you know, I'm I'm still a little too short for it. It needs to be about an inch shorter for it to like really be my size. Um, and the button for playing is on the lower left-hand corner of it. And I think I just kind of I I think my I think my default, like, like when I'm just sort of like absent-mindedly leaning on things, I think I lean to the left a little. I mean, actually I lean to the left or right a lot, but um, but I hit that button a lot when I'm kind of like taking a sec and I just I just shut the music down. I and I do that almost every single time. And I did that um while I was in the middle of back that ass up. Uh and uh, you know, by by one, by one juvenile, perhaps a little Wayne's involved. Um and I and I and I started panicking. I'm like, what did I do? What did I do? And then I hit play on cruel summer. So I went from back that ass up into cruel summer. That was a little bit of a weird combo. But other than that, I feel that though.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

I feel that you're gonna back that ass into a cruel summer. I'm gonna transition something real quick. I just want to say like why this is so important. Like to freely dance in a safe space to songs that feel familiar is the most healing and cathartic thing ever. And I am just in awe that you are creating have created this. I think it's just so badass and so needed and so healing.

SPEAKER_03 15:00

Well, I wouldn't say I created it, but I definitely am doing it. And I um I played push it. I played push it after drop dead. Let's push it. Push it real good. Oh that that one. Um and then I went into no hands. Um Walk a flock of flame. Um I can't even I can't even think of the chorus, but you'd know it if you heard it. Yeah, it was a I mean, I I really I did some really ridiculous things that night, but and it was super fun. But at the end of the night, I went to go settle up and oh, for so second of all, there was this um the DJ after me was another woman, which is amazing. Two women, two back-to-back women DJs. And it's this kind of legendary uh DJ from Chicago, scary lady Sarah. Um, and she's been around forever. Like she I don't know her. Um I've I've never actually she's like a neo, you know, she was like, she DJ'd at like Neo and like, you know, she's just been around for a long time. Um and she looks exactly, and I mean exactly, like Susie, Susie Sue from Susie and the Banshees. And it was her birthday, and she like so I'm like packing up my stuff and I was wearing like like a you know, like a disco ball dress, and I'm like, you know, all it's all and then she's like put she put like a like a huge skull on one corner of the stage and like uh had tombstones and she had an entourage. She had like 15 people with her. Um, and I'm like, I think next time I'm doing this, I'm bringing an entourage with me. But anyway, I'm settling up at the end of the night, and the lady that is the um Chris Christie, the woman from the Metro, she was like, You have the best people. Like the vibes were incredible. Everyone was super happy and fun and they drank. And she was like, um, of all the like I sold like, you know, there was like 128 tickets we sold and a hundred people showed up. And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. And she's like, No, no, that's actually really good. She's like, usually when we she's like, I've had shows where we've sold a hundred tickets and only 10 people showed up. So the fact that like the conversion of like the people who bought the tickets actually came because yeah, they make money off of me, but they make their real money off the bar. So like they want to make sure that there's butts there. And so she was like, I love that you, she's like, everybody was so nice, so cool. It felt so good in that room. And you actually brought people in. And I was like, so I can come back sometime. And she's like, sure, yeah, well, let's talk. And then I so that was that all felt pretty good. So that is the alpha and the omega of that of that story. So um, but yeah, it was great.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

We need to make a poster for that night. What kind of poster? Something. I don't know, one that we can like paste on your wall.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Shiraz actually made really awesome posters. I can just frame one of those bad boys. Do that. Um I had I had my my my victory in the metro, which I didn't realize how much that's been clogging up my brain of anxiety, because like the relief I felt as I what I as I drove away was palpable. Like it was, it was like shunk. Like I really felt on Sunday like I could do whatever I wanted, which I don't ever really feel like I can just do whatever I want. I always feel like I've got 80 million obligations I'm ignoring at all times. Which really gets and went in the way of the joy. Um, but speaking of joy, let's talk about your girls' camp that you just went and participated or facilitated. Were you by yourself?

SPEAKER_01 18:40

So okay, I could get this too. Yeah, I want to help the website. And part of my training is in equine assisted coaching. And so I work with people to connect them with horses, and horses are like the most incredible mirror. They don't lie, they sink to your nervous system. Like they're just they're they're so healing. They have the largest aura of any animal. And they like they're just so magical. And so I went through this training program um with the circle up experience and their home base is at Awake Ranch in Oregon. And um, I've been out there multiple times over the course of the last like year and a half. And one of the women who I met during this time and who has gone through training with me is a horse trainer at Awake Ranch in Oregon. So, anyway, there was a boys' camp and we decided to do a girls' camp. And what was so cool about it is so we had 10 girls. Uh so I'm co-facilitating with with Gracie at this ranch that I did my training at. And what was so cool about it is one, like the ranch feels so fucking good. Like there's like this giant pasture, there's horses grazing, there's a teepee. The girls, there were 10 girls who signed up, um, ages eight to 16. They slept in the teepee and at the top of this field. And then there's a barn that has horses in different stables, there's goats. And um what we wanted to teach them was like a confidence and self-connection. And these are the same things that I teach women when I'm working one-on-one with people like their moms. But what was so fascinating to me was how um loud the inner critic voice is for even starting at a young age. And like the eight-year-olds, maybe a little bit less, but then you could start seeing it in like the 10, but like by by 11, 12, 13, 14, like these girls are self-conscious, they're worried about what other people think, they're holding back. And we were able to weave in a program that was all about like play, creativity, self-connection, stillness, movement, like all and the connection to the horses. So it's like all of the things that are applicable for adult women, but in you know, kid form with nature as the backdrop. Um, leading a retreat is super intense. And we market it as a camp, but it's the same thing. Like you're holding a container for multiple days. And the first night, um, I was like, oh, I'm just gonna like raw dog it and I'm gonna sleep outside of the teepee. And then like tons of coyotes were running around and howling and having a party. And I was like, well, this is not how I go. So I like like didn't get any sleep the first night, finally got a tent outside the teepee for the second night. And we did everything from um, okay, this is what was so magical. Each girl was assigned a horse to take care of while she was there. So to feed, to bathe, to connect them. Um no, I mean just like brushing and um Okay, so they weren't saddling the kids. They weren't like saddling them in the bridal stuff. We didn't really like they weren't necessarily going to ride the horse that they were assigned to, but just connect with. They um we had like specific horses that are better for riding for kids. And so each girl got a riding lesson. We filled up a mud pit and had an obstacle course that ended in the mud pit. We had this big slip and slide with tons of Don soap. We made crafts. We um like it just it was so incredible and uh meaningful. And like honestly, it's like those key tenants of that like if the the key thing, I think, for me is that every person is seeking belonging within a group. And if that group gives you full permission, insists upon you being your full self, that group just gets stronger.

SPEAKER_03 23:10

I do like the idea of being accepted by your for your full self. I feel like that is an interesting concept that I've never really thought about because I always feel like in any group, they're only getting one piece of me. And I feel like there's very few people that access the whole thing. Do you know what I mean by that? I guess you do because you just facilitated a whole camp about it. Um, also, I want to go back to one thing. Um, how how deep, like were horses a part of your life when you were younger? Or was like, like, how did this horse thing happen? Because I am an absolute horse girl. I'm from Nebraska. I was on horses all the time. Like horses were my my entire life when I was a younger person.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

That's so wild. So for me, my great-grandpa used to raise Palominos, and um, but I wasn't raised with horses at all.

SPEAKER_03 24:01

Like I but my how my my street when I was growing up was Palomino Road.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

That's how horsey I was. That's real cute. And so I didn't have a lot of contact with horses. Like, yes, we would like go to a dude ranch, and I like I fell in love with horses and riding, but I just didn't have a big opportunity for it. And so I was really deep in my training and what I was learning and figuring out as a somatic coach when a friend of mine who was like side by side on the journey with me sent me a retreat in Washington. And this was like April 2025. And it was a retreat about that, it was an equine assisted coaching retreat and a lambing retreat. So there was like two things happening at the same time. Like on this ranch, we would be connected with the horses, but also the lambs were giving birth. And so we were like in a view. The views were giving birth to the lambs. The sheep were giving birth. There you go. The sheep were having the babies. And it was this like wild experience. So like I instantly said yes because I was like, something inside me is saying yes. The retreat, it's about cycles of life and death and birth and rebirth. And I was like totally like in it with my divorce, ready to sell my business, so many things. I was like, I have done all of this work to be able to serve other people. I want to do this experience because I need to be held in a safe container for, you know, a weekend. And it was wild. Like I showed up and like the first thing that I saw was a lamb getting slaughtered. Um because like it was also it was April's Passover. And so like the butcher came and I watched the lamb like bleed out, and I was like, holy motherfucking shit. And then right after that, a um I'm like watching lambs being born and getting to hold newborn baby lambs. But and that was really cool in itself, and just like the backdrop of nature. Like, I'm such a slut for nature. Like, I the big cedar trees, being in a valley of the mountains and just being able to smell fresh air was incredible. But what changed my life truly was I had two coaching sessions with um with a guy named Brad, who is the owner of Awake Ranch and um runs the circle up experience that trains people in equine assisted coaching. And he I got into the horse or got into the arena with the horse, and her name was Onyx, and he started asking me questions about like what's on my mind. And I was talking about my I was thinking about my business. And first thing I wanted was like, I wanted the horse to like think I'm magical and special and all these things. But as I was talking about my business, and I need to do this, I need to do this, I need to do this. The horse was like, get the fuck away from me and like moved and like was like, ugh. And I was like, okay, but like I'm trying to do all these things in the world and come like you're supposed to stand by me, horse. And she's like, ugh. It was funny. Like my energy when I was talking about work and talking about marketing and talking about my company was just like, ugh. The next day, Brad asked me in my coaching session, like, what would it look like to be truly yourself right now? And so I took off my shoes and socks and stood barefoot in this arena. And I closed my eyes and I held my hands out and I opened them, and the horse was right here in front of me. And then he's like, Okay, what would you do next? And I was like, I want to sing. And so I like sang to the horse and she sing Debbie Gibson. Um, no, I just sang this like song that's like been in uh it's hard to explain, like these songs that I have that are in my body and my system. And um, but we do need to sing Debbie Gibson. And the horse was like right here, and I could feel what it felt like in my body to be in alignment and how the horse responded to it. And everyone around is like crying and I'm crying, and I was like, wow. So I that was my major catalyst to be like, I am no longer in alignment with yakity yak. Like I must go. I need to be living my authentic life where I am following what is true to me, where I am an artist, where I'm a writer, where I am a coach and bringing, you know, this feeling to other people. So I signed up right away to do the training and like have been full immersion um until like I finished my I finished the level one and level two training and finished everything in um in May.

SPEAKER_03 28:50

Did you do that all through the place in Oregon? Mm-hmm.

unknown 28:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

Were you doing some of it remote or did you have to go out there to do it all?

SPEAKER_01 28:57

Um, I had to go out there and remote. So we like met weekly and then had a couple of like four different retreats where I had to go out there. That's incredible. I did not know that.

unknown 29:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:08

I did not know that you were doing that. That's incredible. I mean, I when we were when we were in um I if I go on vacation, I always kind of look for a horse opportunity. Um I love that I don't you know, I don't have them too terribly often here. And uh I I love horses. So they're they're so in my heart. Like it's it's such a you are anyway.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Like I could feel that. But it's it's yeah, there's just they're special and magical. And like so to teach people how to connect with them and what they can mirror back for you is like it's it's the best. So I'm like working on some retreats and other things around here where people can like come and experience that. Like with adults. Yeah, adults.

SPEAKER_03 29:50

Adult horse girls. Yeah, all the adult horse girls. Well, when we were in, so the I don't know if it was the last time, but we we went the we went to Hawaii a couple years ago with Sebastian and we went to a ranch like on Maui, there's like the ranch, like the backcountry of Maui is where the where Hana is like the road to Hana. Oh yeah. And uh, and so in Hana, we went horseback riding at this ranch. And you know, it's like these like like they're dudes. Like these are like, you know, they're like, you know, like the tough Hawaiians. Yeah. And um, and this guy's like, yeah, so horses, you know, they have a six, they have a six foot aura. And you're like, this like this dude is talking to me about the horse's aura. But apparently they've got six feet on all around them where they can feel the energy of everything that is within six feet of their bodies, and they really feel it. And I think that's probably part of the reason. I mean, if that's true, then I feel like that makes total sense as far as like the empathy and the probably the reason why I like them is because they kind of like non-judgmentally love you.

SPEAKER_01 30:54

Absolutely. And like, and they're just the the ultimate mirror, the ultimate, um, I don't know, just like such a such a comfort. And it was just really, it was it was an awesome experience. It was so cool bringing it to girls. I'm the it's moms, women, all of the the people who are juggling a lot, like it's just such a great way to like really feel in your body like this is what alignment looks like. This is what, and and like you could do so many cool things with them, but the the main part was that I was really tired um when I came back. I was like, I had my hair was wild, I had dirt in my toes, and um and had been sleeping outside for many, many days, which I loved. And um, like landing at O'Hare and like I was like, ah, be back.

SPEAKER_03 31:51

We well, we because I was in Maine a couple weeks ago on vacation with my sister. My sister has a house up in Maine, and so we went up there and it was the same thing. Like her house is in this, I mean, I can't even first of all, her house is amazing, but it's located on this like pristine, like clear lake that you can drink the water. Like, you know, I'm not very good. No giardia. No giardia. Uh no giardants. Um one of the many uh pharmaceuticals I always see ads for. Um it's like I'm not very good in like non-pools. Like, like I don't deal well in like natural water where I don't know where the bottom is and like a fish might touch my leg. Like the ways in which I'm squeamish about certain things, I I I hate it about myself. I wish I was, I wish I was better in in water. Um, but uh this my my John and Sebastian went snorkeling in the lake. And John was like, you could see the bottom like forever. And uh and when you get out, you know, when you get out of like a body of water, you can just kind of like feel the water on you and you feel icky and you kind of just have to take a shower to like get the feeling off of you. That is not my experience in water. Okay, got it. Uh well, I usually like after I've been I I will not go to sleep having been in an ocean or a lake. I will have to have taken a shower before I do that. And I had like three days where I didn't even realize that my body, it didn't even feel like I had wal like lake on me. Like it's real good.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

And there's a lot of that's like how my that's how my my place up in northern Michigan is. I don't shower when I'm there. I just like literally just 10 days, just the lake. I'll wash my hair in the lake, everything in the lake, and um so I but ocean. I can't do that. I gotta wash the salts off from the ocean. That's a little different.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

But being up there, it's like there's no sounds and you can see every star. There's no light pollution. Like I mean, it's kind of like the opposite of when I go to Panama. Panama is the same thing just at the equator. And uh and it's it's interesting to because we are the we were star stargazing and the stars are insane. I mean, the stars were you it it felt like you could touch them. I mean, it was so crazy how much you can see the stars. And uh we went hiking at this uh this park that's just north of Acadia, so it's basically Acadia, but just north of it. So, and there was no one there. And we I saw like colorful mushrooms that like I've never seen, like it was like being inside of like a Patagonia catalog. Yes, it was like it was like I was like being filmed where those things get filmed, you know, like it was this rugged, you know, beauty, and everybody was so like kind of down to earth. And it's like, how come why do we fuck everything else up in the name of whatever? Like, why why like we have that? That could be everywhere. And I just want to be there all the time and not in stuff land.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

It's so it's so much, it's so hard. It's so hard. Like just the fact that like I sort of believe I don't know if I said this to you before, but like I kind of am like, hey, y'all, this is heaven. We're here, we got it, and we're fucking up heaven. Like everything that we could want is here and now, and then we create all of these problems for ourselves. And like, what's gonna end up happening? It's like everyone's like, oh, AI is gonna save the world. We just gotta keep it and they'll solve all our problems. And AI is gonna be like, hey, everyone, stop the building, stop the usage, give the earth 10 years, and she's gonna bounce back, and then all the water is gonna be fresh and and blah, blah, blah.

SPEAKER_03 35:28

Like, what it would take for us all, like, did you watch Project or read Project Helmary? Yeah. So I mean, just the idea that the whole world came together because they saw this m this line that no one can see between, you know, the earth, sun and whatever, like the whatever the map, the line that they were all trying to get beyond or whatever. I'm like, you got the whole, you got Africa to paint a desert black so that we could like what it was just, I can't imagine us all cooperating like that. Um, but John and I the other night, um, maybe I also don't, and uh started talking about the universe. And uh John said something very interesting that I'd never considered. And he's like, you know, well, like when we're like he watches a lot of space documentaries. He's like really into like deep space. Like he like he like was as we're going to sleep, he watches like YouTube videos on like parallax and how does it affect the galaxy? And like what I mean, I don't even know what it is. And I'm like, you understand this. Like you're watching this and you understand it. It felt like like a like a video I had to watch in like physics class in high school that I never understood then either. But um, he was talking about how, like, as scientists and humans, we're always just trying to figure out, you know, what's out there, like what is in the universe, how does it operate, you know, what are the secrets of the universe? And we think aliens of two different things. They're either coming to invade us or they're coming to like let us know the secrets of the universe. That seems to be like the two things that we think alien life is or whatever. I mean, probably not the only thing, but one that's kind of the things that we're looking for. And John was like, you know, we spend all this time looking out and trying to figure out if somebody else can tell us the secrets of the universe. We already, we, we, we already know that. Like, we know that if there's a hydrogen atom here and if we need to change the view for something, we just add another hydrogen atom to that, and that changes that. Or, you know, we know how black holes work because of the way that we see antimatter, do blah, blah, blah. Like, we've figured out the secrets of the universe. Like, at least the secrets of the universe that we can see. Like, we are able to understand. Like, like, I'm like, how do we know what's on Uranus? How do we know that? He's like, I'm like, do we know what like in the are we like for sure that that's what uranus is made of? Or are we just guessing? And he's like, no, we know for sure. Just wanted to make a uranus joke. And I I was I was hoping. I mean, just saying that it just made it happen. Right. Um, but I mean, you know, he'll be like, oh yeah, like it's a gas giant. It's made of, you know, supernova dust or whatever. And I'm like, how do you know that? Like, and he's like, well, because we just know. And I'm like, how? We've never been there. Like, how do we know that? And he's like, Because we know that the way we shoot this at this, and we know that when things are this color, we go through that. And I'm like, so we know, we know the universe. We actually do know the secrets of the universe probably better than, you know, uh, you know, I mean, I'm gonna like it take it.

SPEAKER_01 38:15

So we don't even know our brains and we don't even know our human bodies. Like Zach Bush um is a great source for this, for those of you who he's like a doctor spiritual source and uh shares all sorts of information. And he said two things recently that I thought were really, really interesting. One is that if you go and spend three full days in nature, like your whole system resets. And I thought that was really cool. And I'm like, check, I just did that. But then the other thing that he said recently is like, we're all out there like hungry for all of these sources, all of this information. And like women can take one tiny little seed and then create a human, an entire conscious being within our bodies, and our we don't even know what our brains are capable of. And the ocean is like so unexplored, and we're like we have space right here.

SPEAKER_03 39:13

We know more about space than we know about the ocean. Right. Like that's crazy. Why is that cooler than what's actually here?

SPEAKER_01 39:20

But like it, I think it just shows how much we are in need of like we keep ourselves busy, we fill our plates with all of the all of this minutiae, and like permission to like maybe not worry about that right now, permission to live the life that you're meant to live, have fun, go to a dance party, go roll around in mud, go connect with a horse. Like, this is the stuff that matters, not like, did you sign up for the right PTO committee?

SPEAKER_03 39:49

Or no, like I it's very especially with parenting, because like I, you know, and I know I've said this before and I know that no one else feels this way, but sometimes I only have one kid and I'm older than everybody. Like, usually I'm like the oldest mom anywhere I go, and I only have one kid. And I feel like that kind of makes me less of a mom. I don't think it makes me feel less of a mom, but when I hear other women complaining about or talking about their lives with their multiple kids, it sounds really hard. Like it sounds so hard. I don't know. My mom did it with six fucking kids. Um that's crazy. He but my son also doesn't want to do the normal, like the typical things that kid, I mean, he's not sporty, he doesn't, you know, like so I miss out on a lot of the like, you know, a lot of the stuff like the the travel sports and the you know, the things that kind of bond a lot of these people together. Like I was at Pilates this morning and these women were complaining about having to throw the eighth grade pool party at their houses and they don't want to have nerf bullets everywhere. And I'm I'm like, that sounds fun. Like I don't know, I just it's like I just have a different, I don't know. I I can have nerf bullets all over my house because I don't care and it's only one person making them, maybe like getting your kid in the right travel soccer league or getting or you know, making getting the new, you know, purse that everybody has. Like there's these bucket bags everyone seems to have, and I'm like, where where did I miss the memo that everyone has? Like they have these woven bucket purses. Have you seen these? I think close. In like '99 I saw them. But don't even get me don't even get me started on the re like it is like crazy to me how I see every young person and their companions wearing. That was weird. But did you s did I I just zoomed in? I think my I have this new camera that like that uh this new 4K camera that like it it has gestures. I don't know what it anyway.

SPEAKER_01 41:43

Um I get closer to where like even There we go.

SPEAKER_03 41:50

I did it. Okay, sorry. Uh it is doing making a loser sign and then popping it up in the air twice. That will that will make it zoom. But let's get even closer. Yeah. Like let's do some dramatic effect as I talk about not wanting to be on the PTA, but I don't. I used to, but I don't anymore because I've lost all of my maternal feelings. Anyway, Ashley. Um not really, but kind of. Well, I, you know, I I feel like when I and I don't think I'm alone in this because I like somehow I've wound up on threads in this very like, if you're a 50-year-old Gen X lady that, you know, is pissed off about the patriarchy, be my friend. I always like see that like in my threads. And I'm like, why are why are people doing clarion calls for me? And I'm not gonna say yes because I'm that person. I'm I am Gen X. We don't join parties, we don't, you know, whatever. Um but uh it's like the second I turned 50, all of a sudden I it's like I lost my like maternal or my like my desire to take care of everyone disappeared. Like I I used to just be able to just do like all of the caring and all of the like remembering, you know, little things. And I I feel like I've kind of lost that a little bit. Like I don't, yeah, I don't like I used to keep my house clean, like really clean, and I just can't anymore. There's shit everywhere all the time, and I don't care. And John doesn't seem to care either, which is good. So we're not, we're not like not living in squalor, but it's just I'm not keeping my house up like I used to, and I'm not, you know, I just I don't care as much. And I'm not saying like I'm not like it's like I've lost the like the nurturing, I guess, seems to be gone.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

Like I still love people and I still want to be around them, but I don't have this less coddling-ish or well, maybe it's like you're maybe you're actually just not taking full responsibility for other people's experience, which is actually like a total sign that like the work is working. But like I think that like at the end of the day, we have like the the moms who don't want the nerf. Guns in their yard, it's because they are so at capacity that cleaning them up sounds miserable. So, like when you're at capacity, you can't experience joy, you can't experience pleasure, you can't like there's no space to have that extra conversation with someone at a grocery store, like stop by. Like you always have somewhere to go and be and do. So no wonder like fun sounds exhausting because the cleanup part, there's no space for, or they're always cleaning up something. And so the fact that you've like giving yourself like a little like release of pressure valve on perfection, like that's a sign. That's a good sign.

SPEAKER_03 44:38

That's an interesting, that's an interesting twist and take on it, you know, because I've been feeling really guilty about it and like feeling and I, you know, my mom kind of did that too. Like when she turned 50, she kind of just stopped, you know, like she just kind of stopped too, and I kind of resented her for it. And now I'm doing it and I'm like, oh, how the turntables turn, you know, where I'm doing the where I'm doing where I'm doing the uh the the phoning it in, so to speak. But the idea of it also being but I also feel like you're right, I have been doing the work. I have been trying to make, you know, like I got a phone call from like we we changed how we did our we stopped, we stopped putting our our mortgage taxes into escrow. Um because John, instead of putting it into escrow, we put it into a um uh like a money market account, like a Charles Schwab money market. Uh no, we he is a CD. He does a he does it, so he puts money into the into a CD so that so then that it makes money off of that, and then we pay our taxes out of that, and then in that money made money instead of the government using our money, like basically m using our money when they don't need it. I gotcha.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

Yeah, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 45:50

And so anyway, our insurance uh didn't get paid, like our how our home insurance didn't get paid. And I um and I was like, oh, I gotta do that, I gotta do that. I'm like, oh wait, I'll just forward the the message to John and he can take care of it. And then he did. And it's like it's you know, I don't it's like I don't know. I feel like I used to do everything because I felt like if I didn't do it, it wasn't gonna fall apart. And then when you let somebody else do something that they that isn't as hard as you thought it was or whatever, it's just it's like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 46:23

It like you're releasing your death grip on life. And it's such a blessing to realize, like, oh, you don't actually have to carry it alone. And like, and listen, as women, we are many of us are waving the white flag all the time, being like, help me, I need help, I need help. And it doesn't show up, and then you have to keep going and do the thing and carry the load and and whatever. And but I think that there's something so special about like retraining your brain to be like, here are the things that I don't want to do and that I'm not gonna get done, that are gonna take up space in my brain to do, and I'm gonna ask for help on this. And it gives like, in a way, that's that's matriarchy, is allowing other people to serve you while you serve them instead of like one person holding all of the power and the control, which is patriarchy. So it's like, yeah, letting people help you, taking stuff off your list is a really great way. And and like you know the delight, how how good it feels. Like someone comes to you for help and it's something you want to do, and you're like, Yeah, I got you. I do that. And then you feel good and you report back and they feel good, and it's no big deal to you. You don't think about it again.

SPEAKER_03 47:35

But yeah, yesterday I I was at my radio show um, and there was a woman there that was um that was a trainee, like she was being trained by another DJ. And um uh and in order to like make it to DJ level, you have to like record a little, you have to record a show. And so she was in the other air booth, like recording her show. And I popped my head in and I'm like, hey, I'm Mary, I'm the DJ next door. Like, I know you're you're recording your um, you know, your show. If you have any kind of technical issues, please come and ask me. Don't, don't futz with I will help you with through every whatever you need because this is hard and nerve-wracking enough. Just even as me, who's been doing it for 21 fuck or 20 I've been doing radio for 27 years. Um I I so I was like, let me help. So she came over and asked me, like, why is it doing this? And it was really nice to just like help someone and have answers and know like what I was doing and you know, and helping another woman get on the radio because there needs to be more of us. And and actually when when her trainee was there, he was like, Hey, I'm uh I'm kind of thinking about beekeeping. Like, what can you tell me about that? And so we had a little conversation about beekeeping. I offered to be his mentor if he wanted to get bees. And so it was a little, it was like a day where I felt like I was really helpful. I was like, you know, and yesterday morning, actually, Sebastian and I pulled probably a hundred, at least a hundred pounds of honey off of the hives last night, yesterday. So we're gonna process honey this weekend.

SPEAKER_01 48:58

I'm pretty excited about that because I would like to be a recipient of your honey. I also want you to be my mentor for beekeeping, but like I'm just not quite there yet. I just need like a tiny bit more space in in my life. But that's the the the point is like helping each other is really important, not being in a death grip. And I bet you that those moms would be delighted to have a nerf party in their houses if they didn't feel like they are caring they were carrying the weight of the world on their backs. It's very generous of you.

SPEAKER_03 49:31

I was being a judgmental bitch and then you turned it around to make it realize like, no, you're right, you're right. I was they're fucking tired. They're tired.

SPEAKER_01 49:39

We're all tired. We are all tired in our own cute little ways. And maybe like then one of the things that could be is like, hey, you host it, that's awesome. I'll help you, I'll help you clean up all of the things because I like it and I think it's fun. I think they're the kind of people that I think have help that are hired. But then they have to delegate the help and then they get pissed off when they find the things later because someone didn't do a good as good of a job as they did. They were waving a white flag and then someone fucked it up because no one cares as much as they do. And they have not yet learned how to look care.

SPEAKER_03 50:14

Yeah. And how not to care as much. So, Ashley, what would you say is the theme of the show today so far? What do we like what what would be the what would be the uh the message, the the takeaway from today's app?

SPEAKER_01 50:25

Okay. So let's go through it. One, I think that that the most of the things that we worry about don't happen. So we have this, even you, as someone who's got 27 years of radio experience, you have been a DJ for 25 years, you've been like living the life, and you still get nervous and you still have that voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough. And at the end of the day, everyone had a great time. Please believe it. I know they did. Yeah, they did. And that you were worthy of being there. And I think that what I had to say is that that voice starts early and even in little girls. And the best way that we can combat that is by being around people who help us be ourselves, showing up as your full self, playing, being creative, staying connected to what is true for you, not necessarily following the path that other people carve. And then like at the end of the day, when you get swept up in the way life be life, just look around and stop giving a shit about all of the things that are too much.

SPEAKER_03 51:34

Wow, that was amazing. You just really did just pull the thesis statement out of the last 48 minutes of our lives. You're good. Thanks. You're good.

SPEAKER_01 51:45

I appreciate it. I think I needed to hear that today. And like my kids just started school and like coming off of a great summer, gotta like get my shit together. And, you know, like, you know, like there's not to say that there aren't moments where we don't need to like add a little fire to our lives and start moving things along. And also it's just important to do that from a place of like a little bit of self-love and definitely not from self-abandonment. All right. I think it's a good place to leave it. That was I don't think we can get better than that. Um, so thanks everybody for tuning in. Wait, I do. There's something that we have been wanting to do this whole time. What?

SPEAKER_03 52:27

Oh, uh lost oops. We in the in the pants. In Atlanta. No, it's uh in Atlanta.

SPEAKER_00 52:44

And then I don't remember the words because it was the 80s, but um I do I was more in the middle of that uh it's like being lost in heaven.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

All right, anyway.

SPEAKER_03 53:01

When I was I when I was a little girl, I literally like I I could not believe that she was like not like close to my age and writing her own songs. I didn't even know women could write songs. Like it was and then she disappeared and proved that maybe they can't. What happened to her? I think she's she's really into Broadway. She's like a she does a ton of and I think she writes books. I think she uh writes the music for like books. She I think she works, she does she works on Broadway. I know a lot of her stuff is like you know, in the back end of musicals and stuff.

SPEAKER_01 53:36

Okay. So I think that one line of the song fits our whole thesis. Please.

SPEAKER_00 53:43

And that is I don't mind knowing what I'm heading for. Oh yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 53:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:52

I mean to the sky. You can take me to the sky. All I know is I'm in heaven when I get lost.

SPEAKER_01 54:06

Next topic we should talk, we should discuss how many years and brain cells are dedicated to song lyrics.

SPEAKER_03 54:14

Oh my god. I make the joke. I make the joke all the time that if Madonna songs were actually like science lessons, I would be a physicist. Like I it's like I don't know how I have every single lyric for every Madonna song, but I have taken probably nine years of French and cannot speak even um peu. Like it is. So I mean, maybe she should have been singing in French. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01 54:38

We it's stamped. All right, we'll talk about Madonna Madonna next time. All right. If I'm invited back.

SPEAKER_03 54:46

Well, and oh, you are. Uh and also Madonna just today came 11 nominations for uh MTV video awards. She was nominated for 11 for this new record. Like, she's 60 fucking eight years old.

SPEAKER_01 54:59

She is 16. I haven't listened to the I haven't listened to it, so I've got to check that out.

SPEAKER_04 55:04

It's so good.

SPEAKER_01 55:05

It's so good. Anyway, we'll talk about that next time. Bye. Love ya. Bye.

SPEAKER_03 55:13

Thanks for listening to All of the My Lady Business with me, Mary Acey. Uh, we'd love for you to like, review, subscribe, follow us at all of the my lady business on the gram. And if you're a female identifying person and you want to dance, you can follow. I mean, everybody can follow it. But if you want to be a part of the magic bat hot watch dance party, find out where our next party's gonna be a hot one area, or anywhere else. You know, money, same color everywhere. Why is that? Twitchgamgdians.com has the buttons and listen to my radio show. Have a radio show on trip radio at trip radio.org. That's Mondays, every Monday. Today's episode is produced by Shiraz Data in the comments, posted, and performed by You guessed it, Shiraz Data. All right, guys, peace out.